Grand Theft Auto: Hill Valley

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The eighth installment of the Grand Theft Auto series, Grand Theft Auto: Hill Valley is one of the most astounding games, which won itself an Academy award in 3508 for the 'Best Selling Game in Ten Years'. Grand Theft Auto: Hill Valley takes place in the Northern California city of Hill Valley. You play as Marty McFly as you attempt to change history to make yourself the kingpin of Hill Valley. Your allies are your girlfriend Jennifer and your eccentric friend Dr. Emmett Brown who invents the time machine you use to change history. You attempt to change history by travelling back to 1939 to stop your main rival, Biff Tannen, from being born. The game begins on October 25th, 1985 when you have to skateboard to school by hooking bumpers. When a motorist objects to your reckless behaviour you beat him up and steal his car.

Characters[edit]

Marty McFly[edit]

Doc and Marty go back in time to try and stop Marty from getting HIV.

The main protagonist of Grand Theft Auto: Hill Valley and leader of the McFly gang, Marty is a ruthless psychopath who will do anything he can to get ahead in life. The only people he cares about are Doc, his parents, and his girlfriend. He will screw over anyone else though in order to become king of Hill Valley. He and Doc invent a time machine in order to manipulate history for their own gain. They also engage in illegal activties at night to finance their science experiments including stealing Principal Strickland's newspapers in 1985. He is known to fly into a blind rage when called "chicken", because he counted his chickens too early.

Doc Brown[edit]

Marty's best friend and eccentric old man. He invents a time machine for the personal gain of the Marty McFly gang. Buys a sports almanac in 2015 and predicts that the Toronto Maple Leafs will never win the Stanley Cup again. He bets on the winners every year and becomes a millionaire by 1990. He uses the winnings to finance his future science experiments including building a time machine out of a train and a helmet which is capable of electrocuting people to death. Formerly a priest, but quickly turned to science after the Great Priest Purge of 1959, which was led, ironically, by Marty's former grunge rock partner Gandalf. Like all eccentric old men, Doc Brown is a convicted sex offender.

Biff Tannen[edit]

Patron Saint of Hill Valley and Citizen of the Year, Biff is a fine human being. He does everything he can to stop the evil McFly gang from taking over Hill Valley. He finds out about the time machine and then uses it to reverse the damage to the space time continuum caused by Doc and Marty. When he is not saving the world, Biff can usually be found working at his auto detailing shop or rescueing kittens from trees. Biff also volunteers at the local soup kitchen and hospital.

George McFly[edit]

Marty's old man. The biggest, meanest cat in all of Hill Valley. George was a bully in high school and was hard on everyone especially on Biff Tannen who did everything he could to please George, even doing his homework for him. After high school, George eventually worked as a writer writing science fiction/erotica novels about aliens and young women who are involved in kinky encounters. Looks a lot like Crispin Glover.

Lorraine McFly[edit]

Marty's old woman, even meaner then George. No one in Hill Valley dares to mess with her. She has been known to chase children down the street and hit them with a broom. She gets a boob job in 1985 at George's request. She used to date Biff Tannen in the 50s but left him for the bigger and meaner George.

Einstein[edit]

Doc and Marty's guard dog, Einstein is a vicious beast and will attack anyone who is not a member of the McFly gang. He nearly kills Biff Tannen when he attempts to take the DeLorean. Doc Brown used the time machine to take Einstein to Michael Vick's house to train him how to fight.

Marshall Strickland[edit]

The local sheriff of Hill Valley. Strickland does everything he can to stop Marty and Doc's campaign of terror. His father is the principal of Hill Valley High which is terrorized by the bully Marty.

Principal Strickland[edit]

The principal of the local high school. Tried to stop George from bullying back in the 50s and now attempts to control Marty to no avail. Has received death threats from both Marty and his father. He will shoot off your nuts if he catches you stealing his newspapers.

Needles[edit]

Nerdy kid at the school. Besides Biff he is another bullying target for the McFly gang. Marty causes him to crash into a Rolls Royce when he calls Marty a chicken. He is known for shitting his pants when alarmed too quickly and his killer funk slapping bass action.

Clara Clayton[edit]

Doc Brown's fuck of the month, he snagged her in 1885. Has two kids by her, Jules and Verne.

Jules and Verne Brown[edit]

The product of Doc's liaisons with Clara.

Goldie Wilson[edit]

Works at Johnny Rocket's in the 50s, now mayor of Hill Valley. Do missions for him in '85 to earn bonus cash.

Old Man Peabody[edit]

Doc and Marty go back to 1885.

Some old dude who spends his time taking care of his two pine trees, Dis and Dat. However, Doc and Marty fried Dat with a flamethrower.

Buford Tannen[edit]

Biff's great grandfather. He was a minister and went around collecting donations from banks to give to the poor people of Hill Valley. Was beaten in a fight by Clint Eastwood in 1885 and was forced to eat manure. Was later framed for a train hijacking perpetrated by Doc and Marty and was hung for it. A mandrake now grows at the gallows where the hanging took place.

Seamus and Maggie McFly[edit]

Irish immigrants to America in 1885. Seamus is also Marty's great-great-grandfather. He is a ruthless psychopath and terrorizes the citizens of Hill Valley. As an Irishman, Seamus can drink twice his weight in beer and eat four times his weight in potatoes with no ill effects. His wife is just as mean and is known to shoot at children who trespass on their farm.

Storyline[edit]

At the start you don't have the time machine but then unlike other games instead of "locked areas" you have "locked times." In the first mission you go back to 1955 where you can take four paths: first path copies the movie, the second one is you kill your mother, the third one is you have sex with your mother and the fourth is going back to 1985.

Vehicles[edit]

A screenshot of Grand Theft Auto: Hill Valley.
  • 1981 DMC DeLorean: The most important vehicle in the game. Doc's invention, it allows you to travel through time to make your personal fortune, and sexual encounters if wanted. Requires plutonium to travel through time at the start of the game; one of the missions includes killing several Libyans (on Sybians) with parts from an old pinball machine after they bring you the required plutonium. Later in the game it only requires garbage. To drive it, you only need unleaded gasoline, not hard to come by unless it is 1885, remember it doesn't cost $4.20 a gallon ($1.14 per litre in Canada) like today's prices so you will be able to quickly get it.
  • 1946 Ford: Biff's car since the 50s. Marty and Doc often steal this car when they have to do illegal things, that way if something goes wrong, Biff will get the blame. Can rip through the delorean like tinfoil covering a baked potato in a microwave
  • 1951 Packard: Doc's car in the 50s. Marty uses this car to take Lorraine to the dance to have his way with her. Marty was quoted as saying "Yeah I know she's my mom but she's so hot".
  • 1986 Toyota 4x4: Marty's truck in 1985, uses it when he forces Needles off the road into a Rolls Royce. Shags Jennifer in the back of it.
  • 2011 Steam Locomotive: The second time machine invented by Doc Brown. In addition to being used as a time machine Doc and Marty use it to hit cars in Hill Valley.
  • The Popemobile: The infamous pope car, you can use it at the beginning of the game.

Weapons[edit]

  • Frisbee Pies (Far out!).
  • Horse Shit.
  • Human Shit.
  • Gun.
  • Machine Gun

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Hill Valley Attractions[edit]

The player flies through downtown Hill Valley. Mr. Fusion is empty.
  • Lone Pine Mall (Formerly Twin Pines Mall): The mall where Doc and Marty first perform the time machine experiment in the early morning hours of October 26th, 1985. When they realize they have no poot-tony-yum, they call up some Middle Eastern nuclear technicians and have them take some plutonium to the mall to buy. Once they arrive, Marty and Doc shoot them to death and then take their corpses in the DeLorean to 1955 so the cops won't find them. Used to be called Twin Pines Mall, but after Doc & Marty go back in time & flamethrower one of Old Man Peabody's pine trees, the name changes in the future.
  • Hill Valley Clock Tower/Biffs Pleasure Palace: Lightning struck the tower in '55 and the town's people have been too fucking lazy to fix it so it stays there frozen at 10:04. Thanks to Marty and Doc's reign of terror, this once family friendly point of interest, is now loaded with cheap hookers, and drug dealers.
  • Lyon Estates: Upscale Hill Valley neighbourhood in which the headquarters of the McFly gang is located. Marty and Jennifer shag behind the Concrete Signs at the entrance of Lyon Estates.
  • The Hilldale subdivision: A new upscale neighbourhood of Hill Valley, Marty and Doc committ most of their crimes in this neighbourhoods including break and enter, gas siphoning, and stealing barbecues. Doc also prowls this neighbourhood at night looking for young women. Marty and Jennifer live here in 2015. In 1985a, you can steal Principal Strickland's newspapers and re-sell them to make money for plutonium.
  • Johnny Rocket's: A 50s restaurant where you can buy food to regain health, and hang out with Goldie Wilson, 1985's mayor of Hill Valley. This is a good place to use as a front selling drugs to finance plutonium.
  • Hill Valley High School: A den of terror and tyranny. Principal Strickland does his best to control the McFly gang but it is useless, Marty runs this school and terrorizes students and teachers alike. It is here that young men are recruited by the gang and young women are forced into a life of prostituion.

Soundtrack[edit]

  • You're Living in a Time Machine - Ozzy Osbourne
  • Crazy Train - Ozzy Osbourne
  • Power of Love - Huey Lewis and the News
  • 1985 - Bowling for Columbine
  • Beat It - Michael Jackson
  • Double Nickels on the Dime - Sammy Hagar
  • Johnny B. Goode - Marty McFly
  • Back in Time - Huey Lewis and the News
  • Disco Inferno - The Trammps
  • Turn Back Time - Cher
  • Time After Time - Quietdrive
  • Untitled - JamesCore
  • Down Under - Men At Work
  • Corridor of Chameleons - Meshuggah
  • Long Dream - Makiko Noda
  • Junk Garage - Takeharu Ishimoto

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

Grand Theft Auto
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