Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

“GTA MOTHERFUCKER!!! 10 POINTZ!!!!!!”

~ Some guy on Grand Theft Auto

“Kicks ass...in fact, it roundhouse kicks...to the face”

~ Chuck Norris

Picard on vacation in san andreas

Grand Theft Auto: Cunt Based Additive is a National Geographic documentary of African-American culture in America written by O.J. Simpson for his community service of dumping bodies in a non-body dumping area, also known as littering dun dun dun DUN! Though some are concerned about the toned-down amount of sex, violence, drugs, and total disregard for human pussy portrayed in the game (when compared to real urban life in America), it is actually very popular among neoconservative Christians because the main character in GTA:SA, known as CJ, is actually Cyborg Jesus. The player's main goal in the game is to dispense justice to the unwashed heathens' SOULS of the state of San Andreas and kill some fat asshole who betrayed him like a pussy. Cyborg Jesus accomplishes this through the use of numerous heavy weapons such as dildos, various vehicles such as trolleys,ubeerleet rocket launchers (filled with water) and the pimp slap of death (wimpy hit with a whip). Also, he has powers of flying. He can summon a jet-pack out of nowhere if he types some letters in his life-following-keyboard-controller. Also, doing same thing he can blow up cars without touching him. He has powers of Cyborg Jesus.

[edit] Storyline

OFFICER TEN PENNY KILLS HIM MOM!!!!JUST TO LET YOU KNOW,SORRY IF IF YOU HAVENT BEATEN IT YET!After living in Liberty City for five trillion years, Cyborg "CJ" Jesus came back to SA after leaving becuase he's a pussy when hims-self-as-a-baby-mamma-fucker dies after getting it in the face with my 69 men's penis trying to set a porno world record. While at baggage he is told his luggage is being heldup becuase the throwers thought it was a bomb becasue it was vibrating. The man assurd him it must have been his electric razor like it is 9 out of 10 times, but its CJ's vibrater (1 out of 10 times) so he has to smoke a shit load of crack the kill everyone in the airport so they will not know his on the down low.

Then he put in a cheat code so he wouldn't have to do mission to unlock the island and shops, cheat code for no police, cheat code for max cash, health and muscles and cheat code for biggest penis in the world (Harry Potter suddenly appeared) and also, cheat code for automatically summoning the end of the game. The then spends a lot of time getting hoes in his nice ass whip, having sex with them (during it using Pimp Slap Of Death then killing, and dumping the body in a secluded place.

Tenpenny goes to trial for several felonies, but the charges are dropped becuase there's no mother-fucking evidence on that mother-fucking Police official. Citizens of Los Fagtos go into a citywide Beach party! similar to the 1955 Wats Riots. The many reason of the riot was beacuse someone through a chair at a Lakers game, and all the lawless amoral darkies began to riot, and becuse of their pack-like mentality the rest joined in. But this is a cover-up so President Bush could go and personally plant bombs in the poor black areas of SA, because we all know how target rich the hood is.

CJ must now stop the destruction of the hood (to stupid to relies that they should just let the shit burn to the ground) but he woke up late (see CPT) and started crying about non-working cheat code. But George Bush destroyed his army of "community activist" but CJ is such a good "Community Organizer" that Caeser came with his legions, after they cleaned up the baby goo they held off an assault by the ballas on Groove street. It was kinda like 300 but not enoght where they could sue. CJ then asks Cesar "how he is alive after all those years in Rome?" His gipsy sis says "where are you goin'" and he says "fitting to hit the block, see if Jenna Jameson is available for new fuck-up movie with me".

Game ends with credits "AND YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WHO COMPLETED THIS GAME THERE IS CYBORG'S AND JENNA'S MOVIE ON HTTP://CYBORGJESUS/SANANDREAS/IMAFUCKUPBITCHASSMOTHERFUCKER/JENNAJAMESON/FUCKYOU.NET! BUT YOU BETTER DO IT ON ANOTHER COMPUTER BECAUSE WHEN YOU COMPLETE SAN ANDREAS SELF-DESTRUCTION MODE IS ACTIVATED! 10....9....8....7....

[edit] Characters

Cyborg "CJ" Jesus: He a pussy because he let his momma die and he escaped to Liberty City. There he met Joey Leone, his long-time husband.

Sweat: CJ's bro, a real gangsta nigga. He's leader of Grove Street Families.

Shop daa Whop: A Chinese kung-fu hero, but blind as Daredevil. Uses his senses to fight. He's often called Bruce Lee.

Big Fry: Fat fuckin' bastard who can weight up to 1000 pounds. He never stops eating and he steals burgers from homies while they fight against Ballas.

Ryder: Real name Bitch-Ass-Motherfucker, but they call him Ryder. His new boys, Ballas, started calling him B.A.M.

Cesar Vitalpanda: Boyfriend to CJ's sis Kendl. He becomes CJ's boyfriend, however. He is crazy as mistakes CJ for Sherlock Holmes and thinks he's Watson. You know he always calls CJ holmes.

OG Clock: A fake gangsta and terrific pop singer. He had a record contract with Abba, but they didn't let him in because he likes killing everybody's managers.

[edit] Development

GTA:SA was conceived by Pope Bob Benideict XI as a means of demonstrating the work of Jesus H. Christ, something that Mel Gibson totally ripped the fuck off with his unauthorized reproduction in 2004 called The Passion of the Jews. Eventually, the Reverend George W. Bush provided the financial backing needed to make the game a reality, and in 1981 it was released on the Atari 2600 gaming platform with life-like 2 bit colour. An unknown version was released on Nintendo's Virtual Boy console in 1867, and produced red and black graphics. Wow.

Marvic the Awesome Oliver The Gay Braden The Fag Gibbo The Retard Todd The Slut & Meale The Fat-Shit

[edit] Support from Conservative Christians

Upon its release, an uproar from the liberals about the total lack of random violence and offensive lyrics led to a protest against Rockstar Games, but the hippies decided to just smoke some pot instead. Because of its strong moral groundings, GTA:SA has been well received by conservative religious groups, who feel it accurately portrays the teachings of Christ from the bible. Additionally, conservatives are pleased with the emphasis in the game on killing hookers, who we all know are not really people. They hope that the game will reach out to a younger generation of hipsters searching for salvation.

“GTA is such a CRAZY game”
~ Albert Einstein

“I believe that this game is a positive influence on children”
~ Bob Saget

“GTA San Andreas is a computer game”
~ Me

[edit] Realistic Portrayal of Urban Life

Prominent African-Americans, Hispanics and drug dealers all rave about the realistic portrayal of life in urban America. After all, we all know from movies and TV that every black dude is packing an assault rifle and says "Yo fuck fuck nigga we gotsta blow up dem fuckin' Ballas nigga bust a cap fuck fuck nigga PEACE!!!". All the Mexicans smuggle drugs into the country to sell on street corners. And let's not forget the random chicks in short skirts and bikinis whoring themselves out to everyone. Everyone we discussed this subject with also agreed that Tenpenny accurately represented every police officer in the United States as a greedy, corrupt, piece of shit. Fo' rizzle.

[edit] Social impact

The Grand Theft Auto series has won numerous awards for its positive influence on the upstanding moral character of the United States. Millions of Americans feel the need to collect as many assault weapons as possible so that they can kill all the brown people and the other unbelievers. However, the true impact of GTA:SA can not be determined until Jesus is resurrected again in the sequel,Grand Theft Auto:Ely, due out on the Super Nintendo in 2013.

People have got boners from seeing CJ and his mistresses make out on the downtown streets of the state. So many people like the game that more Grand Theft Auto games should be made! And many people believe that the next game should feature , at some point, a fat man playing a banjo.

Spoiler Alert!!!!

Overall the moral of all Grand theft auto games is that stereo typing is important, black people are selfish self pleasing monkeys of society, Mexicans are scummy drive low riders and steal jobs from Americans, Asian people are ninjas and white people play the heroes who have to clean it all up.(Sadly, we really do rely on this social order these days)

To sum up then. This game can entertain old and disabled people everywhere, because it is a perfect and accurate representation of anti christian wars everywhere.

[edit] See also

• San Andreas Fault

[edit] Bigfoot and other strange Phenomenon

Shortly after the release of the game, several message boards sprouted claims of alleged Bigfoot sightings, these have not been proven fake or real.

Video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5556600444910566902http://www.infoslash.com http://www.infosalsh.net

There have been many clues including "Big Foot" at the back of the San Andreas manual in the Special Thanks section. and many picture and videos

Later on, Rockstar addressed the rumor of Bigfoot in the game in an article in the January 2005 edition of Electronic Gaming Monthly; Rockstar CEO Terry Donovan is quoted as saying, "There is no bigfoot, just like in real life."

Bigfoot in San Andreas: False

Giant Penis of Destruction in San Andreas: True

Neil Baxis Superior Dino in San Andreas: Possibly (but WTF is Neil Baxis Superior Dino?!?)

Superman in San Andreas: I don't know

Don Vito Corleone in San Andreas: Fuck you

George Bush in San Andreas: I don't fuckin' know, get the fuck off my dick, dude, I got things to do, man, I have soul too, you know

Its a Myth which has been proven fake but thats not stopping something else being out there, not bigfoot, not leatherface. Possibly a lost crazed pedestrian which people got confused.

There is somthing out there.

== SAN ANDREAS IS A GREAT GAME. DONT BOTHER ;) == YEAH, SAN ANDREAS IS SUCH A GREAT GAME. DONT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS BOTHER :D

==

Gta san so fuc.. i mean fun>/.