Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Stories
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| Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Stories | |
|---|---|
| |
| Developer | Rockstar |
| Release Date | 2007 |
| Genre | Free-Form |
| Platforms | Sony Playstation Portable |
| Rating | R 18+ |
| Would Elisha Cuthbert play it? | No, he/she would devour it |
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Stories is a money grabbing follow-up to the hit-game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. You play a former cop turned-criminal who lives in Los Santos. Being on the PSP, many expected San Andreas Stories to be a fucked-up game considering the limitations of the PSP. They were right, because San Andreas Stories has these limitations:
- No helicopters, boats or planes (no motorbikes either, but there are "toy" bikes)
- No doing Drive-bys in cars
- No Girlfriends to go on a date with.
- No Sex Minigames Like Hot Coffee. (Too bad rockstar removed this because it was so cool)
- Las Venturas is just a bunch of ruins (obviously the casinos are still there)
- That big-ass mountain that was in the original game is gone (Rockstar Games say that it is still being naturally formed at the game's time: 2 years before the original San Andreas)
- No dancing, barber shops, recruitable homies, Car Customization, Fastfood Restraunts or lowriding
- No wardrobe character customisation! Just plenty of cool outfits including a Chicken Suit!
- The Countryside is gone, Look at the one about the big ass mount chillard.
- No Swimming Underwater.
- The airports are gone! Rockstar said they are all being Re-Constructed throughout the game's time.
Despite all these limitations, San Andreas Stories does have a fuckload of missions to do. This may be one of the reasons GTA: SAS is the best-selling PSP game out, plus one of the best-selling games ever. You would suppose that those loyal GTA fanboys make up most of these sales, and I was one of them, god help me :(
Contents |
[edit] Characters
Officer Dick: The main character of San Andreas Stories, he used to be a cop until he found out one day that Officer Tenpenny from the previous game was corrupt, he tried to tell his fellow officers but they weren't buying it. At the beginning of the game Dick must escape from Tenpenny's minions on a BMX bike.
CJ (Carl Johnson): Sorry folks, at this game's time CJ is still masturbating in Liberty City.
Officer Pendlebury: Officer Dick's best friend. When Dick is thrown out of the police force Pendlebury does some investigation and discovers that Tenpenny is in fact a corrupt cop. When Dick travels to San Fierro Pendlebury follows him there, and he and Dick start a romantic relationship. This makes Dick the first-ever gay Grand Theft Auto character that is playable. You quickly discover why Tenpenny kills this asshole at the beginning of GTA San Andreas.
Sweet (Sean Johnson): He's in this game and more fucked-up than ever-before, Dick does a few missions for him at the start of the game, but later on Sweet tries to kill Dick, and he is forced to hide in the desert. (Again very same as the last game's story)
Kendl Johnson: She's not with Cesar yet, so in other words she's more of a fucked-up ho in this game than any other one, good though that you only do 5 missions for her, (WHAT!? 5 FUCKING MISSIONS!!?, you didn't even do that much in the last game!!!)
Big Smoke: That fat traitor asshole! Too bad he's for the grove in this game, Dick does missions for him but from the start of the game Smoke doesn't trust Dick. After Dick accidentally kills a Grove Street member, Smoke tells Sweet that Dick intended to do it. Dick tries to kill the fat loser but he escapes in a helicopter. (Which desperate gamers try to steal, considering that there are no helicopters or planes in this game)
Ryder: He's back, and still selling Weed. Dick is forced to help him with his crazy and stupid ideas, until Dick gets into bad feet with the Grove Street Families, and Dick has to engage in a shootout with Ryder.
Cesar: The Mexican sidekick makes a reappearance in this game. He's not with Kendl yet,. Even though Dick is working for the Groves Cesar tries to get Dick on his gang's side, and gives him a strange phone call, and Dick does a few missions for Cesar.
The Truth: The hippy is back in this game!!! You meet him in the ruins of Las Venturas where he helps Dick escape from Tenpenny's minions who are trying to hunt him down. And from then Dick travels with The Truth across San Fierro, the desert and all the rest of San Andreas.
Zero: Dick helps Zero install his new Wiggles game on his computer.
Jizzy: The crazy pimp makes a reappearance in San Andreas Stories. Dick hates Jizzy but is forced to work for him because Jizzy knows what Tenpenny is up to, after doing many missions for Jizzy Tenpenny tries to ambush Dick and kill him, but Jizzy and Dick run to the Pimpmobile and escape from Tenpenny, picking up The Truth on the way and fleeing to the desert.
Mike Toreno: He knows all about Dick and who he was, and makes bargain deals with Dick to help him escape from Tenpenny, but as compensation Dick must do all kinds of crazy shit for Mike, such as: Flying a suicide bomber RC Plane (A gay toy plane that isn't real) into the restricted area, causing a second 9/11, sneaking into the pentagon and wasting every soldier there, starting World War Three etc.
Madd Dogg: He's in this game too, and Dick tries to help him with getting up in the ranks to be the top rapper, you eventually score his mansion. (But if you save in his mansion your game file automatically gets deleted, even worse than the previous San Andreas), at least in that one you only lost the right to play the basketball mini-game. WHAT!?! You couldn't PLAY IT EVER AGAIN!?!! Fuck you Rockstar.
Elmo: Some say this character is nothing but legend, a hack, perhaps. No one knows where he is, but if you find him, waste all of your ammo on him, please!
Oscar Wilde: Just like Elmo, only if you shoot him, he headshots you with a laser.
[edit] Bonus Missions
You can sell ice-creams with a Mr. Whoopee, but they are not ice-creams, they're still weed. All the car missions from the previous game are back, such as:
- Cop Missions
- Taxi Missions
- Firetruck Missions
- Ambulance Missions
Plus some new ones:
- Donut Van Missions
- Mexican Food Van Missions
- Prom Limo Missions
- Kebab Van Missions
- Hippie Bus Missions
- Hobo Taxi Missions
- Fish Van Missions
- Surveillance Van Missions
- Burglary Missions
- Popemobile Missions
- Bulldozer Missions
- Milk Truck Missions (Although It's not milk, its Semen)
- Hotdog Van Missions
There are also some new side-missions in San Andreas Stories, such as:
- Pie Eating Missions, which you can only participate in on a Saturday between 07:00 and 15:00.
- Pornography Photographer Missions
- Looking at Men's Dicks Missions
- Bringing Zombies back to Life Missions
- Smoking Weed Missions
- Gas Pumping Missions
- Being Gay Missions
- Flaming People on Fire Missions
- Giving People the Middle Finger Missions
- Cocaine Salesman Missions
- Vandalizing Wikipedia Missions
- Suicide Bomber Missions
- Taking Bums For a Ride Missions
[edit] Conterversy
A secret mini-game that had the main character killing Jack Thompson was uncovered through the game's code, many gamers rejoiced as they finally has a game where you can kill him, but when Jack found this out the game was banned until Rockstar could release a "Hot Sexy Jack Thompson Free" edition. However, many people didn't care that the mini-game was banned because they hated the lack of realism in it. As players could replay the mission over and over and Jack Thompson would be reborn every time the mission was played again.
[edit] Costumes
POLICE OUTFIT: You get this at the start of the game, gives Dick a strange craving for donuts.
CASUAL OUTFIT: Once Dick is kicked out of the police force, he can wear this, just black shirt and blue jeans.
GROVE STREET FAMILIES OUTFIT: Unlocked once Dick joins the Grove Street Families, not recommended because if you wear it the Ballas and Vagos will go fucking crazy on you.
HIPPY OUTFIT: Flower power baby! Dick unlocks this hobo outfit once he completes the mission "Flower Power Shopping" for The Truth.
CHICKEN SUIT: The coolest outfit in the game, and everyone likes it. The game sold over 10,000,000 copies once people found out there would be a chicken suit to go to fast food restaurants in, too bad Rockstar removed all the fast food restaurants in the game.
[edit] Soundtrack
- Fuck A Dog
- Censored
[edit] See also
| Grand Theft Auto | ||
| Games | ||
| The Lost Games | Lego Island | Cosmo | Poop City | Tatooine | Television City | Television City 2 | Television City 3 - The Wrath Of Dob | Borat vs Bush | |
| Grand Theft Auto III era | III | San Andreas | Advance | San Andreas Stories | Bikini Bottom Stories | |
| Grand Theft Auto: We're Running Out of Ideas era | New Zealand | Toronto | Hill Valley | Theft Under A Thousand | Sunnyvale Trailer Park | Baghdad | Beirut | New Orleans | Vatican City | Vatican City Stories | Springfield | Australia | Antarctica | Grand Theft Auto: Somalia | |
| Currently in Production | Afghanistan | Baghdad Stories | Germany | Jerusalem | Norway | Philippines | Santiago | Venice | | |
| Non-canonical | Grand Theft Audio | Grand Theft Election: Bush v. Gore | |
