Grand Theft Auto: Yugoslavia

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GTA Yugoslavia.jpg

Grand Theft Auto: Yugoslavia, the story of young Vladimir Vercetti, as he takes on the ruthless crime-lords of Yugoslavia, an ex Soviet Union utopia of hookers, drugs and Russian reversal, just remember, in GTA:Yugoslavia, Car jacks you!

With an epic story, branching from yesterday to the next day, Vladimir Vercetti finds himself being laughed at by UN peacekeepers, spat on by whores, and, if you fail to complete the game, being kneecapped by the mafia. All this while listening to the latest, and greatest of all Eurovision entries, consisting of Abba, Fucks Bizz and that strange Lithuanian that didnt wear much

Set to be released October 2087, when Rockstar finally finishes that bloody table-tennis game.

Characters[edit]

Vladimir Vercetti[edit]

This guy's a half-Russian, half Italian bastard. He's such a bastard, in fact that his parents never even knew each other. He was born when a member of the Russian navy got bored and jacked off all over Italy. It impregnated some woman, so she gave it an italian-style abortion, which is where you wait for it to be born, then take it to the Don to be whacked. Vladimir escaped, however, and found his father. He got aboard his ship and sailed back to Russia. The ship was sunk by the Anti-Commie Coalition, and Vladimir only made it to Yugoslavia. His first words when he got there were "What the fuck is this middle of nowhere shithole supposed to be?"

Ksenia Arsch[edit]

When Vladimir made it to Yugoslavia, he was required to kidnap a girl and sell her as a sex slave, as is the tradition in Eastern Europe, before he would be granted citizenship. Ksenia was the lucky girl who got to be kidnapped and sold. She now works for the Russian mob, and has set the record for the world's greatest buttfucker. Her anus has the elasticity of a bungee cord, and she can actually turn her asshole inside out. She's trying to make enough money to buy her freedom, and will be a danger to Vladimir if she can get free.

Sergei Jackov[edit]

This is the leader of the first gang that Vladimir joins. He's known for drinking large amounts of vodka and molesting bears. This may be why he's missing his right arm and most of the skin on his face.

Ivana Sukyuov[edit]

When Vladimir begins to feel guilty about forcing Ksenia to become a sex slave, he decides to repent by saving this girl from the Russian Mafia's human trafficking operation. The minute after he rescues her, he realizes that she was actually born in Russia. He thinks of giving her back to the slave traders to get rid of a stupid Russian, but then he remembers that he killed them all.

Criticism[edit]

People who are actually form Yugoslavia got pissed because the whole story-line involved a bunch of weirdos from Russia and none of their last names ended with "-vić" which the Yugoslavian government did not take lightly and also there was no cevape in the game as replacement for hamburgers.

Do to the horrible miss representation of the people of Yugoslavia in this game the natives started to have a war that included ethnic cleansing and rape.

So you see Rockstar you did fuck up!

Vehicles[edit]

There is only 3 vehicles in the game and you get each one depending were you are so if you are in Serbia than you'll drive a YUGO and if you are in Bosnia than you'll drive a GOLF 2 and lastly in Croatia you'll drive one of those shitty BEATLE cars

There is also a T-55 tank & its always green

Weapons[edit]

  • Ak-47
  • Turds
  • SKS Rifle
  • Dead Babies
  • RPG rocket launcher
  • Refried chicken
Grand Theft Auto
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