Grandma's Pies

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I love my grandma, and her sweet pies

Oh, boy, I can't wait until we get to grandma's. I haven't seen her in ages.

Mom: David, you just saw her last week.

LAST WEEK!?! Wow, its been longer than I thought. Anyways, I can't wait till I enter grandma's house, where a lot of fabulous things things there; stories, more stories, stories of gramdpa in World War II, grandma's cooking, grandma's old t.v. that shows old western shows as well as country tv programs, her chickens and cows, who have eggs and milk that i can eat and drink.

And of course, grandma's greatest gift of all. The one thing that makes me thank God for creating her. The one thing that makes me smile even when I want to commit suicide. And the one thing that cannot be beat by any pleasure in this entire earth. And that is....


Arrived at grandmas[edit]

Mom: Ok honey, watch were you walk……

Grandma!!! I’m here………

‘’Trips on rock, falls and scrapes his knee, leading to him getting blood on his shoe, god help us!

Mom: Oh dear

gets up and resumes running

Grandma!!! I’m here………

Smacks his head into a mail box, but keeps going

Grandma!!! I’m here………

Gets attack by rabid squirrels with ocd

Grandma comes out with a shot gun and shoots all the squirrels dead

Grandma: Is that my favorite grandson?

gets up and runs to her


hugs her, as strong as a anaconda hugs its prey

Can we have pies now?

Grandma: That's what I expected for you my angel. But not at the moment, lets get you cleaned up. Those rabid squirrels seriously did a number on you.

Doing great things[edit]

I want be him when I grow up. He's so awesome1

Grandma: Who wants to watch a western movie?

I do!!!

Grandma: Good to hear.

Puts tape in. A guy tries to rob a bank

Robber: Give me the money, shitbag!

Sheriff comes in

Sherif: Put your hand up or EAT SHIT AND DIE!

Gunshots are shown, sheriff takes a 12 gauge shotgun and kills the Robber

Sheriff: Mother fucker

Thats the type of gun mommy said she was going to use on daddy if she ever see him again.

Mom: David, you were told never to repeat that.

Sorry. Anyway, can we have pies now?

Grandma:Not yet. I'm beggining to make them now.

Grandma's pies are good, right mom?

Mom: Absolutely.

Right Grandpa?


Other family members[edit]

Don't fuck with grandma

Yay, more family members. Hey uncle Bill, Kile, Ray, Brittany, Floyd, Morgan, and my favorite aunt, Terra!

Terra: Hey, hows my favorite nephew?

Great! Are you here for granma's pies too?

Terra: You bet I am!

Can we have pies now?

Grandma:There in the oven. They'll be done soon

Yeah, and my cousin. Oh no! Butch and Wilbert, my arch enemies!

Butch: Hey dead meat.


Wilbert: Lets get him

They begin to beat him up, horribly. But all of a sudden, Granma comes out, ninja like, kicks Butch's face and punches Wilbert's face

Grandma:Take that!


Grandma:And that!


Grandma: And take this!

''Kicks them both in the groin at the same time, then flick them off

Grandma:Nobody fucks with my grandson

Thanks grandma. Not to sound rude, but


Grandma:Yes we can. You've been very patient! Lets go eat those pies.

Yay! Come on gramdpa!


Pie time[edit]

I looooooooooove grandma's pies. Yum Yum.

The entire family begin eating the pies

Yes! Mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm! Delicious. Apple pie, Banana cream pie, Banoffee pie, Blackberry pie Blueberry pie, Cherry pie, Chess pie, Cream pie, Custard pie, Fried pie Key lime pie, Pecan pie, Pumpkin pie' Strawberry pie, Sugar pie, Sweet potato pie, Chocolate all my favorite. And... huh? Bomb pie?

These are the pies I will serve when I see a Democrat like Obama. Watch what it can do

Throws pie at Butch, he screams, it hits him, and blow all of his upper torso up, Wilbert stare in agony

Cool, speaking of throwing pies, hey Terra, heads up

Throws pie at her

Terra: Oh, you silly goose.

Mom David, you know better to throw pies like this. You throw them like this.

Throws a pie at him

Oh, right! Thank you mom!

Gandma: Come on Irene, thats not how I taught you to throw. Its like this..

throws pie at her


Everybody throws pie at each other, laughing along. Excpet for, Wilbert, who is frozen with fear at the death of his brother, and Granpa, who is still sleeping, but is now dreaming about Nazi Zombies. A typical ending to a typical family with typical but delicious pies. Yum!"

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