Great Fairy

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The Great Fairy is a Character from the Legend of Zelda, who often has three other "Sisters" with similar deformities as her. She constantly stalks small children, such as Link, and Kafei. Her maniacal laugh (quite related to a Banshee's shriek) strikes fear into the heart of anything that hears it.

Early days[edit]

When the Great Fairy was born, as one of the quintuplets most famous for single-handedly creating World War II, she suddenly found the need to hide in a cave, since all the other fairy children laughed at her for her extraordinarily sharp breasts, which can be used to impale just about anything. Their powers are said to rival the Master Sword. She wore barely any garments, and never bathed, despite living in pure water, and using all weak, defenseless fairies as cleaning utensils for her cave. This eventually made plant life sprout on her, which, (Luckily for anyone on Earth, Hyrule, Termina, Holodrum, Libryanna, and other worlds) concealed her nudity. Eventually, her hobbies turned to giving children, and adults alike, "Upgrades", to their, "Items", and teaching them, "Secret techniques".

Years later[edit]

The Great Fairy was extremely insecure, so she got plastic surgery. Her body was so artificial, because it needed a drastic overhaul, ( And God agrees.) it prevented plant growth on her. Now her hair conceals her new breasts. She has a glazed expression most of the time, which is credited to the vast amount of drugs she keeps hidden under her watery mattress. She then dyed her hair green, and killed her sisters, which reminded her greatly of her old body, which everyone despised, including herself.

The, "WTF happened to you?" Days[edit]

The Great Fairy needed more plastic surgery to sustain she new roundness of her chest, as it's impossible to keep something THAT sharp, THAT blunt. It came as a great surprise when the operation backfired, and left her mutated horribly. She sprouted extra arms, clothing-like skin, her legs were basically shoved through a shredder, and as a by-product, clones of herself, which had to be given homes due to the new Hylian law that states, "Something that ugly must be contained within a deep structure where no-one can find it. Article 12.1, Section 5, paragraph B."

Current life[edit]

The Great fairy lives out the rest of her days preying on small children, and blonde teenagers. If you see her, you may want to pat her on the back; she's a pitiful creature.

Whereabouts, and how to protect yourself[edit]

The Great Fairy and her counterparts live in very creepy shell-like structures. The inside of these structures are actually very pretty, used for luring children into her cave structure. If you ever see her, follow these steps, or you will die. No exceptions.

  • Cover your ears; her laugh is more paralyzing than a ReDead's.
  • Do NOT let her give you a hug, depending on the time period you visit her in.
  • Do NOT let her expose any part of her body. In short, close your eyes as well.
  • Throw anything you have in your possession at her; this disorients her.
  • Scream louder than she can laugh.
  • Run towards the exit... Or she may just catch you.

The only person said to have survived being in the Great Fairy's company for more than three point five seconds is Link, who followed the above steps quite effectively.

Trivia[edit]

  • The Great Fairy avoids Tingle at all costs
  • The Great Fairy won the, "Ugliest Bee-yotch Award" in 1906 B.C., 1400 B.C. 300 A.D., and in 2469 A.D.
  • The Great Fairy won the "Ugliest Bee-yotch Award" in 2469 A.D. because of a time-rift involving Link throwing the Ocarina of Time at her, attempting to make her go away, whilst screaming frantically for his mother.
  • She killed several people by attempting to give them hugs. They were impaled through the chest, and died.
  • The Great Fairy can be seen as a very blurry, almost non-existent shadow in photos of Hitler
  • The Great Fairy is why Hitler sometimes randomely went insane, pointing into corners, screaming, "They're there! In that corner!"
  • The Great Fairy likes dancing in dark corners
  • The Great Fairy makes people angry in every concievable way. She recently got out of her cave, and basically every life form in the general vicinity saw her. She was sued for three hundred thousand rupees.
  • She recently got liposuction and spends her days topless. Many sick, twisted people have bought a Nintendo Wii and a copy of Twilight Princess purely to see the Great Fairy in the half-nude. When they saw her, they promptly threw up, destroying their television's usefullness, as any image of the Great Fairy is permanently burned into a television set. The Great Fairy is said to be related to Samara from The Ring.