Great Tire War of 2012

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The Great Tire War of 2012 will begin and end in the year 2012 and will result in the deaths of 70% of the human population of the world, and 98% of the tire population.

[edit] Origins

The Great Tire War of 2012 was prophecized by Nostradamus when he wrote, "In the year of the 20 and the 12, there will be a revolution of the rubber wheel, and it shall nearly cost mankind its existence."

From their invention to the present time, tires have been oppressed and driven many miles more than they are meant to. Attached to cars which rape them daily and driven by humans who could care less about them, the tires began to get agitated.

Toward the end of 2011, several tires will join a secret tire society called the National Association For The Advancement Of Tires (NAAT). There, they will begin a series of demonstrations for tire rights.

At one such infamous demonstration in March 2012, Bill Clinton will drive by and assassinate the current leader of the tires, Spinny McWheely. As he is driving away, his outraged tires will force him to stop, remove themselves from his wheels, and beat him to a bloody pulp until he is dead. This will prompt current president of the United States Arnold Schwarzenegger to declare war on tires.

[edit] The war begins

In the start of the war, the tires will bomb Pearl Harbor in a surprise attack. From there, they will go on to successfully conquer Hawaii, making the people their slaves and attaching them to cars and driving the cars. In a countering move, Arnold Schwarzenegger will order the dropping of atomic bombs on each island of Hawaii, thus destroying the entire human and tire populations of Hawaii.

The surviving tire troops based in California then easily conquer California, losing few casualties along the way. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his troops are forced to retreat to Oregon. The tires move on and take the entire western half of the United States up until the Mississippi River, and a frightened Arnold Schwarzenegger will be forced to retreat to Washington D.C. (where many argue he probably should have been in the first place, as President). With tire forces strong and human forces low on morale, the situation looks grim for humanity.

[edit] Ghost involvement

Secretary of paranormal phenomena Agent Mulder will discover in July of 2012 how to contact ghosts, and this discovery will shift the tide of the war. By talking to the ghosts and offering them large sums of money, Agent Mulder, under the supervision of President Arnold Schwarzenegger, will persuade the ghosts to take the side of America in the conflict.

[edit] Tire defeat

Because they are almost immortal unless you are a Ghostbuster or Pacman, the ghosts easily managed to destroy the tire forces before they conquered all of America. Unfortunately for the humans, the ghosts then took four billion human souls as they left Earth to their home, Ghostworld. Some of these souls included Bill Cosby (who will literally become Ghost Dad), Phil Collins, and Samuel L. Jackson.

[edit] Aftermath

Nostradamus never said anything about how we are expected to live in a post-apocalyptic wasteland left behind by the rampage of tires. You should probably just kill yourself if you end up in this position.