Green Jesus
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Green Jesus, often mistaken for Arnold, the impostor that has come to be known as modern day Jesus, is much more than anyone had expected. He is an avid hater of Homosexuality and other movements which give praise and worship to all that is Gay. Of course, with such amazing power and reputation, The Green Lord must take refuge, hiding among the people.
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[edit] Green Jesus' Personal Life
Jesus, often referred to as God Jr, lives a simple, but totally rad life. He resides in his Humble Holy Abode with his father, God, the big man himself, his mother, Mary... who is no longer a virgin, and his two siblings; St Conner the Small and a nameless child that is kept in the basement.
[edit] Why Green?
There are many reasons to be green. Money, trees, grass, marijuana, Dipsy, all of them green, all of them awesome. Simple as that.
[edit] Is This Really Jesus?
Do you NEED to ask? Just look at him; long hair, perfect smile, a kind and cold heart that can judge all the world with a mighty iron fist. He is undeniably Jesus in the flesh. Of course, others claim to be Him, but they lie. They are all lying attention grabbers merely waiting to feast upon the flesh of the homosexuals who do so believe in them. They are evil and must be purged!
Offenders charged with impersonating God Jr on several accounts are Arnold, Colen, Purple Jesus, and Chuck Norris.
[edit] His Deeds
What has the Good Lord done for us? What hasn't he done for us?! Sex? The man practically invented crack. He was also one of the world's first peaceful protesters... who was killed for being too pro. However, being the Heavenly Divine Creature that He is, three days was all that it took for Him to come back from the dead, thereby inventing zombies. The zombie serum only worked properly on Him, however. All other attempts by Umbrella to recreate the same effects ended in failure.
Since His first public appearance back in the BC to AD crossover era, Green Jesus has gone through several lifetimes and influenced countless political and social movements.
Jesus can be attributed to starting both World Wars, winning both World Wars, going back in time to kill the dinosaurs, having tea with Abraham Lincoln before assassinating him, discovering Canada, inventing porn, and bringing about the phenomenon of unlimited text messaging. Eye witness accounts have also stated that he can be seen "being the greatest" in public places.
[edit] Where Is He Now?
One cannot simply ask where Jesus is. He is everywhere; in your heart, in the soles of your shoes, and even in your breakfast cereal. He's like a bad STD that just won't go away. Sometimes he likes to watch you in your sleep, and make sure you don't do naughty things to yourself. He keeps a video camera at the ready with a steady hand just in case. Watch yourself.
[edit] Conclusion
What more do you want? The man is Jesus, plain and simple. He died for your sins, man. Respect the guy.
