Greenland
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Motto: Wow, it is really fucking cold in this fucking country | |||||
| Anthem: Ring-a-Ling-a-Ding-Dong by Crazy Frog | |||||
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| Capital | Snowville | ||||
| Largest city | Icetown | ||||
| Official languages | Inuk, inuk-inuk, inuk-inuk-inuk, NUNAVUT! | ||||
| Government | Northpoleism | ||||
| President | Santa Claus | ||||
| Vice-President | Gnomes | ||||
| God | Kurt Cobain | ||||
| A Fucking Bear | A Fucking Bear | ||||
| Population | 10 (including Santa, four gnomes, a polar bear, Kurt Cobain, the rest of Nirvana, and a fucking bear.) | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, a really big snowman someone made, and a fucking bear | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | When the sun died because of a fucking bear | ||||
| Currency | Snowflakes, and a fucking bear | ||||
| Religion | Christmas, | ||||
| Major exports | snow, fjords, a fucking bear, sexually transfered diseases, alcoholics, hate to Denmark | ||||
| Major imports | ice, prisoners, a fucking bear, beer, wine, booze, wood alcohol | ||||
“Hey, this place isn't green at all!”
~ Captain Obvious on Greenland
“Where the fuck is the damn grass?”
~ Pissed off native
Greenland is a tropical paradise located just west of the Mayan Riviera, and is more commonly known as The Land of Green. It is the 3rd super power in the Rainbow Province. It's name comes from the lush forest and open grassland that dominate the countryside. The capital city of Greenland is Nuuk (Qlquqqillinuaqquilliq in Eskimo tongue). Greenland was discovered by Christopher Columbus, who got lost on his way to Aruba.
Due to Greenland's far-reaching grasslands and exceptional weather, Columbus settled down there in a small enclave along with several of his shipmates. Columbus called his home a "nook" due to it being in a secluded spot and Greenland's indigenous Eskimos transformed the word into their native Spanish word "Nuuk", which Columbus took as the name of the whole settlement and later became the name for Greenland's capital city. The name was actually misinterpreted by Columbus, as "nuke" is the Spanish word for "exit-strategy". Since Columbus misunderstood and did not leave, the native Eskimos carved boats from icebergs and sailed to New Mexico, which is where New Mexico's large population of Spanish-speaking Eskimos comes from.
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[edit] Celebrities
File:Brr.jpg Many of the most popular celebrities of the last decade originally come from Greenland, including (but not limited to):
- Adolf Hitler is alive and well.
- Kalan Porter
- Cher
- Angelina Jolie
- Guy Harris
- Geoff Glue
- Tom Green
- Lorne Greene
- Bobby Vitale (not really a Greenlandic native, but its lawful citizen since 1998)
- Gumby
- Benny Hill
- Kermit the Frog
- Osama bin Laden (Shh! It's a secret!)
- Alucard
- Mahatma Gandhi Sr.
- Idi Amin
- A Fucking Bear
- Guy LeDouche (MXC Celebrity)
[edit] History
Greenland was founded and colonized by a tribe of nomadic llamas in -56 b.c. Christopher Columbus. however, is pissed, bigtime, believing that he colonized it, and after two thousand years of bloody war the avatar attacks the Christophers, and the llamas live in a month of peace. These llamas, however were attacked roughly a month after defeating the Christophers by several Jedifrom Pluto (at the time, it was a planet). All but three of the Jedi die, and the survivors live off the bodies of the dead till late 2045, when the three of them decided to purify Jasperillium that they had brought with them from Pluto and grown near the core. They built an arsenal of almost six hundred and sixty six pimpin' Greenlandish nuclear bombs, and made the rest of the world pay them tribute until Denmarkday in the year 7893. The rest of the world nuked them and all jedi, unfortunately die after growing multiple extra limbs.
[edit] Politics
Greenland technically owns Denmark, which is why maps often have "Denmark" written in small letters below its name. The Presidency of Greenland rotates weekly between the nation's three citizens that are above the legal age. The rest keeps themselves young by use of The Fountain Of Youth which is located in Uummannaq, a small town in Midwest Greenland. The three citizens are as follows: Saddam Hussein's ghost, Osama bin Laden(although he spends most of his time hiding and snickering at the futile attempts by the CIA in finding and apprehending him) and The Evil Twin of Joseph Stalin and Pol Pot, Kuupik Kleist
Rumour has it that Greenland has a large nuclear arsenal, which is the primary reason that it is generally left alone. President Bush of the United States of America considered placing Greenland in the Axis of Evil list, but due to threats of an immediate and devastating attack, decided to reconsider. Greenland currently is threatening nuclear war with Canada, over Hans's Island, an uninhabited hunk of rock over which every other country in the world is entirely indifferent. Canada replied with the threat that they will burn every copy of Atanartuat (The Fast-Runner) which compelled Greenland to hesitate(mainly because of Hans Enoksen and Osama whining about the importance of that said movie because of the nude running sequence that is in the film.) Parliament Of Greenland are now in consideration of pushing the button or not. One of the biggest obstacles og doing this is that all the members are underage.
[edit] Name
As you now, Greenland's name kind of sucks. And who's fault is that? Blame the Icelanders! They were the ones who founded his country and obviously have a weird sense of humor (or a fact, they have no humor).
[edit] Sports
The most popular sport in Greenland has always been islam. A mosque can be found in every home and it is not unusual to see them in public places too. The most famous islam player of the island is Bill "the Silver Ball" Jacksons or Billy the Kid as he's sometimes referred to. Bill, or Billy, is only eight years old but has already won the islam world championship four times. They also have incredible ping pong players, such as Scratch N' Sniff who is 14 years old and represents greenland in the ping pong world cup. He is also a famous boy, and that is his actual nickname.
[edit] Interesting Facts
It has been recently found that the 5th element Jasperillium can be found in Greenland. This element is bured under ground at a depth close to the core of the earth where it is nice and hot. Because of this, the heated Jasperillium gives off a significant radio signal. This radio signal excites the hormones of evolved forms of Charm Quarks (which played a big part in the Creation of the Universe). Today, those forms are known as humans. This is why humans are so horny in Greenland, and why it is the humans' main breeding ground.
Another curious fact is that Greenland isn't known in many other remote parts of the world. In Brazil, for instance, people are convinced that Greenland doesn't exist; to them, Greenland only appears in the strategy board game WAR (very popular among Brazilians) as a strategic obstacle making it harder to conquer North America if you are in Europe. This is the only real utility of this forgotten (green) land. The national sport of Greenland is pog.
Many evil geniuses and top secret organizations have bases in Greenland. This is because no-one in the world actually cares about what happens in Greenland. Superman built his fortress of solitude in Greenland after getting sick of hearing Lois Lane's yapping all day long in Metropolis.
The societyjnivfjnkkmgfblocal charities caters for homeless native families and is called "I'm Sorry, I haven't Igloo".
Greenland is the third biggest island in the world, after Australia, Borneo and New Guinea
Greenland is one of three free societies in the world without lawyers having abolished the practice of law in the 193 Grolsh treaty. The other two societies are Vatican City and North Korea.
Greenland was once settled by the evil alien race from Xerox in 2003. They started producing paper from the abundant trees in Greenland, and sold it at 10,000 sheet per 2 cents. After about a month of this however, they disappeared and are nowhere to be found. The natives of Greenland consumes enormous amounts of alcohol. On almost every picture showing a greenlander, you will see him with a bottle of the danish 80% vol. booze snaps in one (or both) of his hands. In average, all adult Greenlenders drink 1,6 litres of alcohol each day (for kids under the age of 12, the average is 0,9 litres). If you think you have seen a sober Greenlander, he is most likely to come from Korea - NOT Greenland! Just as a small sideno. Erich O'Mara likes to partyOh yeah, and another thing, poopa
Greenland is the actual birthplace of Pokémon, and Japan just bought the title of creator from them.
| Cold Nordic Countries |
| Denmark | Faeroe Islands | Finland | Greenland | Iceland | Norway | Sweden | Svalbard | |
[edit] Greenlandic Point of View
Svaldbard: Those damn Norwegians stole our land! Iceland: Out little sister Denmark: Never heard of it Canada: Our neighbors in the east
