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Growlongs is a religion known only to robots and one human. It rivals the main robot religion, Robotology. Gir is the growlong god. We can only speculate on rites, rituals, and otherwise "underground" actions of Growlongs. Also Growlongs means meaty monger in their native language.

Gir = God of Growlongs.


According to the Holy Book of Piggy, the growlong's religious book (written on dried dandruff), the universe was created when a intergalactic space pig came in contact with a intergalactic space taco. The result gave God indegestion, thus crapping out the universe. However, the planet Irk was the only planet pissed out by God, in which growlongs describe it as the divine kidney stone. On said kidney stone, a tiny drop of cum manifested all the emotions in possible existence that negated each other out until only idiotic happiness remained, thus creating Gir. Gir grew up in the Irken empire, not knowing his fate. Until one day the Angel Satchel came down to him in all his weirdness. He told Gir he needed to destroy the Universe since God got tired of everything and the only cool people are Jesus and some dude called Bob Gerretson. Gir then said: HEHE! Chicken! I'm gonna eat you!, and then he ate the angel. Gir then used the gas caused by consumption of the angel to fly and create a swarm of fart that cleansed the world of douchebags. However, Gir got caught in fish batter and was crucified by those fuckers at Nick. It was recently criticized by Tom Cruise for being written by Monkies on crack. Tom's comment created a great uproar in the monkey community and nobody gave a shit since scientology is stupid.

Gods of growlongs[edit]

The deity of good luck, Scary Monkey.

Although Gir is the main god, there are also other idols in this religion.

Scary Monkey - The growlong Goddess (this is not a typo, the monkey is female) of good fortune. Many growlongs have a picture of the Scary Monkey in which they wish for good luck and all that rubbish. Scary Monkey also has her own television show in which it is required for all growlongs to watch each Sunday. Luckily, it is aired before the superbowl.

Johnny the Homicidal Maniac - The growlong God of pure chaos and awesomeness. He is the one who created what growlongs come to know as the random factor. He is also the God of killing for fun and killing out of revenge. He is one of the more well known deitys, next to Gir himself. He is the sole opposite of Squee. Nny is also sometimes known as Jhonen Vasquez, the mortal name he used to save a bunch of orphans from a flaming school bus. Nny has three magical elfs called Mr.Friendship, Happydoughboy, and Tamale bunny. They are his messengers in which they bring newborn babies according to growlong beliefs.

SQUEE - The growlong God of love and joy. He is the sole creator of love and kindness. He wishes everyone to be joyful and happy for their wonderful lifes. Squee has the godly ability of instant decapitation, the fifth best power in the world, right after Gir's head asplodey powers, Bruce Lee's punch, Oscar Wilde's quotation powers, Jesus's Halo 2 online skills, and the omnipotence of God.

Spongebob - The growlong equivalent to Satan. Growlongs believe him to be the CEO of Nickeleodeon, in which bad growlongs go to suffer an eternity. Growlongs describe him as the king of faggots and homosexuals. Spongebob also shoots soul stealing cum from his nose that will tear the mortal soul of a growlong and imprison it in Nickeleodeon studios.

Marilyn Manson - The growlong God(Goddess?)) of Fucking and of Sex.This creature is said to have given all the Growlongs their gender and if any of them are unclear it is because he made them Hermaphadikes or people with both genitalia.He is the main God of the Mansonites.


Though we are unsure of what Growlongs REALLY want in the world, we do know that the support of uneducation and thoughtcrime in early years of their existence must have caused a massive movement. And since we know robots live everywhere including our bodies, we can be sure that some of us are infected with some sort of Growlong poison. Be very aware of any unusual pornographic activity on your computer, this may be a sign of Growlong disease.

Should we be Afraid?[edit]

Yes . . . wait . . . I don't know?

See Also[edit]