Guerilla warfare

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'Big Brother wants you to be happy and asserts his Communist given authority to look after you. The Ministry of Truth assures you that it will clean this page of all capitalist mistruths, falsehoods, and propaganda.'

“There's nothing better than a monkey kicking some major ass!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Guerilla Warfare

Guerilla Warfare is the name given to the tactics used by the indigenous gorillas of Alabama in their uprising which began in protest at the abolishing of compulsory spelling lessons in the states schools. Originally this form of warfare was known as Gorilla Warfare, but due to a series of unforesably unconnected events, including the purchase of the word Gorilla by Microsoft and the inability of the average american to pronounce the word Gorilla the men in Black were forced to wipe everyones minds and make them use the term Guerilla.

[edit] Tactics

The tactic itself involves small dedicated groups of gorillas, usually about 60, who would select a single human target. A single gorilla would then walk out in front of the human and while their attention was distracted the other 59 gorillas would jump on the person from behind and proceed to tear them to pieces.

[edit] Sex appeal

This method involves a large male Gorilla with exessivly large pointed nipples ambushing singular lumberjacks through seduction. The Gorilla will stalk the lumberjacks until it finds a location suitable for the ambush. The the Gorilla will jump out on the lumberjack and begin to play with its nipples. After a short period the lumberjack will be hypnotized by the Gorilla nipples and let down its guard. This is when the Gorilla strikes by thrusting its arse into the lumberjacks face and then farting toxic gasses which promptly incapicitartes the helpless lumberjack. In recent times Gorillas have been using this tactic on more than just lumberjacks. It has been speculated that this is also the tactic that they are using to plan their destruction of the Oprah empire.

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