Guilty Gear

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Guilty Gear is a 1-D fighting video game series made by Sam-whogivesashit. It is best known for its anime-like character designs and numerous references to emo music. Games in the series include Guilty Gear, Guilty Gear X, Guilty Gear XX, Guilty Gear XXX (a.k.a. Guilty Gear Nudge Nudge) and Guilty Gear XXX Slash Sharp Reload on the Hizzy Riding Spinnaz (also cocks) (known as GGX3S2R14HRS42 by fans). Other titles in the series include a four version called 'Guilty Gear: CrossBill', the two 'Guilty Gear: Midget Carnival' games, plus 'Guilty Gear: Dust Sweepers' (Nintendo DS) and 'Guilty Gear: CrossBills's Boost Mode: The Game' (Playstation Portable). There also two games on the Game Boy Advance.

It is also a bondage shop in which people buy leather goods that include many studs and buckles, which Seth Howard visits often.

Gameplay[edit]

The Guilty Gear series includes deep 11237-button gameplay. The standard attacks that every character has include punch, kick, slash, bash, crash, smash, lash, dash, cart-wheel, power-walk, stop-drop-and-roll, squeal, bitch slap, fling dung, jazz hands, and many other useful moves. Due to the intense and vividly stale, cartoon-like graphics, many craptacular attacks can be performed, including ones that involve stick figures like Super Mario.

Story[edit]

The Guilty Gear series takes place in a future world. After Evangelion, humanity decided life wasn't worth living anymore and began to express their feelings of alienation and angst. These crazed emotions were translated into new weapons of mass destruction called "Gears", later called "queers". However, the Gears rebelled because of poor pay and bad conditions.

Guilty Gear

A Gear named Justice, because she was a supreme chief justice of the United States, began a crusade to cleanse the earth of the humans. A fighting tournament was held by the Reunited Nations to determine who would get the first shot at her. It turned out to be a major shock to the competitors when Harry Potter won the tournament, amazingly all due to luck. Potter thought he would get the damn Goblet of Snot as his prize, but instead was forced off to fight with Justice and he got totally smoked. It was revealed during this fight that Justice didn't really have any powers so Harry Potter was destroyed in a fist fight. Since Harry Potter was bruised and bloody all over the floor he couldn't spread this information even if he wanted to. Harry Potter never returned, and the Reunited nations switched to Plan B; Combating Justice with Chaos. Since the Gear was a Supreme chief Justice of the United States, the Reunited nations decided to throw the U.S. into chaos, and dissolved the U.S. government. Therefore, the U.S. wasn't a country anymore and no one knows what happened to Justice because the telegraph operators were all confused.

Guilty Gear X

A new Gear, a bebop player named Dizzy Gillespie, was discovered by southern blot analysis and the UN started another tournament to defeat it. However, it turned out that no one could play bebop better than Dizzy so the tournament was lost.. Afterwards, Dizzy died from exhaustion, after taking on too many challengers, and his daughter with Justice, also named Dizzy, continued his legacy. Although why she had to wear that outfit no one knew. As a result, in the afterlife, Justice became jealous of the amount of Hentai her daughter got, and would soon return.

Guilty Gear XX

A woman named I-No appeared and threw a Halloween party. Everybody gets drunk and takes pills and they now really feel guilty. Justice returns as a character, but no one takes any notice.

Guilty Gear XXX Slash Sharp Reload on the Hizzy Riding Spinnaz

Everybody dies. The only character is Kunihiko Ikuhara and a gear named Photoware.

Playable Characters[edit]

A.B.A.[edit]

Before that sick bastard Professor Utonium went on to rape artificially created little girls, he went on to rape artificially created teenagers. To do this he input the FOUR crucial ingrediants that make up teenage girls: Tampons, a subscription to Teen People, some teen girl he picked up from a high school after promising her cigarettes (probably one near you or your children) and copious amounts of low self esteem. Afterwards he "accidently" put in a super concentrated form of Chemical X known as Chemical XXX (which he "accidently" received during a party one night in 1977 while giving David Bowie a hand job for no less than 3 and a half straight hours)

The resulting creation was our beloved A.B.A. He gave her the name because ABBA's "Dancing Queen" had been played a billion times during the party he received the chemical in question. The explanation for the missing "B" because he's illiterate (don't let the title "professor" confuse you) and the periods in the name because she was bleeding a lot down there , and well, he was out of tampons of course you silly.

After repeatedly using her for what god (and a few New York district courts) knows purposes; he grew tired of her and decided to create new little girls. After approaching Ted Turner with an idea for a syndicated cartoon series based on his life called The Powerpuff Girls.

Feeling rejected, she became attached to inanimate phallic objects, so much so that her best friend to this day is a very crude and exagerated model of Anderson Cooper's dick named Paracelsus. Being born a hemophiliac and wanting attention from others it was only natural that she became an emo. She soon learned to read using the extensive collection of Taiwanese child porn that the professor had left behind.

After ten years of doing nothing with her life she was approached by Freddy Mercury to appear in his game.


In the game Guilty Gear she noted for:

Axl-Low[edit]

As one might guess from his appearance, he is secretly the infamous front-man from Guns 'N' Roses sent hurtling into the future for a mission he never really took much notice to (He should have cut down on the sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll). Axl spent his time trying to find a way back to the 20th Century to try and figure out what his original mission was, although, after about six hours he got bored and remember some chick with a bangin' ass he got with after a show; this being the msin factor in his decision to return to singing. This ended badly when I-No attacked and murdered the audience during his first live show, forcing Axl to search for her with the question of 'How the fuck did she do that trick with the warning signs?'. In battle, Axl flails arounch chains with knives attached that he bought one night watching an infomercial while smoking the ganja. He also uses a lighter and aerosol can which he uses to 'cast fire magic'. Or at least that's what he tells himself, anyway. Axl is also is searching for 'That Bastard', who he believes is Kurt Cobain. If he confronts him, he aims to take him to the pavement.

Anji-Mito[edit]

When Justice first walked the Earth, her first act as a tyrannical super weapon was to destroy Japan and a good portion of its population (Why she destroyed Japan first is unknown, but of the many reasons that have surfaced, the most likely reason is due to her frustration at losing 'Dance Dance Revolution' to a bunch of school girls in short skirts for the umpteenth time). Because of Justice's actions, the Japanese are a minority, and therefore valued by some the world's porn directors, who still believe the only decent porno is one with Asians. Anji is one of the few pure Japanese people in the world and fights against the evil of these perverted directors, as well as seeking wisdom in the way of 'DDR-Fu' so that if Justice returns, he can avenge his people in style. Anji also wishes to learn more about 'That bastard' and his evil, twisted porn studio, since he saw a video containing justice that he will never forget

Baiken[edit]

Another of the Japanese folk who have been whored out by the disgusting taste in pornography,just like her parent but more alive than dead. She was cast as the star role in a guro/loli film at a young age, escaping after she lost her arm, her eye and her innocence. Baiken, haunted by her experiences as a child, took up the blade and vowed vengeance against both the director of the film, a person known only as 'That bastard' and Justice, just for shits and giggles. Baiken fights using a mixture of her sword (One-handed of course) and a large collection other pointy objects that she keeps in the sleeve where her old arm should be(she also has a cannon in there to shoot stupid creatards,earth is 6,000 years old her ass!). Rumors that she can summon these items with a call of 'Go-Go Gadget ****' are complete bullshit, and best not mentioned in front her, as she lost her sense of humor along with her arm, eye and dignity ages ago.

Bridget[edit]

World's Greatest Yo-Yo Wielder, Most Popular Transvestite, Underage Porn Star of 2150, and Most Likely to Make You Gay are just a few of Bridget's titles. The latter coming from the fact he's had it on with nearly every other cast member (Save for Leopaldon and a few others, but mark my words it's only a matter of time before someone draws that doujin). He is a transsexual. His parents, embarrassed and unwilling to admit the fact to anyone (including themselves), came up with a ridiculous story involving bizarre customs that no one has and a twin that no one has ever seen. Bridget has since left home, and become both a bounty hunter and part-time porn star, in an attempt to save enough for that operation that will finally decide his/her gender.

FUN FACT: there is no bulge

Chipp-Zanuff[edit]

Of all the characters who took drugs in the events of Guilty Gear XX, the one who took the most of them was Chipp. The Robert Downy Jr. of the Guilty Gear storyline, Chipp is a stoner, poisoning his body with all manner of crap. The only drug he hasn't taken is nicotine (Smoking is such a filthy habit, he says. His middle name happens to be 'Hypocrite'. Chipp Hypocrite Zanuff.). After getting the shit beat out of him by the Mafia for stealing their stash for the fourth time in a month, Chipp was taken in by a local kung-fu master, who taught him not only many styles of fighting, but also how to control his drug habits. Chipp's master was tragically killed by the Mafia one night (Although to be fair, he managed to break some guy's neck before he got shot) and Chipp has vowed to avenge him for it, ironically, using the power of his illegally gained stash to aid him, namely steroids. The rampant use of steroids make him the fastest character in the game (As seen on the speed lines of his sprite) A.K.A Zanuff said. lolz!

Dizzy[edit]

A Half-Queer mary-sue who the entire series of Guilty Gear is based off of. Everyone is running around, making sure Dizzy is okay. Testament, Johnny, and Ky-Kiske want to get in her pants. She has tons of superpowers. Has a dozen fanboys since she doesn't know what the fuck a bra is, even after being accepted into Johnny's porno studio. Is the product of Justice's crotchspike, and was a bastard child, as nobody used know who the fuck her father was. It recently came out on The Jerry Springer Show that Justice's baby-daddy is actually Kliff Undersn. No, that's not a typo, either. The last part of his last name really has no vowel.

Eddie / Zato-One (Mr. CornerRape)[edit]

The main source of the series sex appeal (Ignoring Faust, A.B.A. and I-No) is Zato-One. Zato was the one time assassin in the infamous Assassin's Guild, founded by Slayer (The NightWalker, not the death metal group). Using his awesome level of sexiness, Zato managed to work his way up the ladder and took over the guild. Not content with just the highest level of power, Zato also summoned a forbidden beast which he named Eddie, after the Iron Maiden mascot who still has his face on every damn album. The power and Top Tier ranking that came with Eddie came at a price though. Zato lost his eyesight, meaning he couldn't check out Millia Rage's ass anymore, hence why he's such a dick to everyone. Oh, and Eddie gave Zato some kind of twisted cancer too, that was the other sacrifice that Zato overlooked as he went through the spell book, but it's too late now, Zato, you stupid fuck. Eddie is currently using Zato's dead body like some kinda sexy meat puppet to lay down his unique brand of buzz-saw themed corner rape on unsuspecting opponents everywhere. In one of his endings from GGX2:Reload, Eddie is captured by 'That bastard' who plans to use his almighty powers of rape in his loli/guro films

Faust[edit]

Faust before he donned the bag.

Faust was once a brilliant and respected doctor whose talents saved many lives. Even after being teamed up with Dr. House from Channel 5, Faust still saved lives. This happy period was short-lived, when House was shot by a crazed gun man and went mad after that interfering bitch Cuddy forced Faust to slip some kind of drug into House's system when he operated on him. Worse was to come when House just waltzed into the operation theater, grabbed the controls to the robotic surgery machine and killed Faust's patient, and managed to put Faust's eye out with the machine before security could gas him. The shock of the recent events drove Faust to insanity, and he became a serial killer. He started his list with Cuddy, because it was that bitch's fault in the first place. After the events of the first GG game, Faust realized that his leg revealing costume was attracting unwanted attention from a crazed fangirl. Thus, he donned a new get-up and the paper bag to try and avoid her, although this seems to be failing.And not in the funny kind of "oh I failed way" kind of way He now spends his days roaming the land, sodomizing*cough* "curing" passersby with his colossal novelty size scalpel that he had bought on ebay from him self. It is a good life. He is voiced and motion captured by "The Unknown Comic."

Fanny[edit]

A little known character who only appeared in the 'GuiltyGear: MidgetCarnival' and 'GuiltyGear: MidgetCarnival 2' games. Though, as her name implies, she may simply be one the many, many, recipients of Faust’s trademark indiscriminate blade enemas. The difference being that she’s apparently desperate for a second helping.

The freak.

I-No[edit]

Tight leather and guitars, a match made in Heaven (or Hell)? If so, it explains perfectly the huge size of I-No's fanbase (although the large amount of perverted players in the world and I-No's general sex appeal possibly has some to do with as well). I-No's awesome power and distracting appearance (i.e. nice rack, lack of bra and tendency to rip off/ability to see under shirt) make her one of the game's deadlier characters, and most annoying Boss characters. In the Arcade Mode, I-No appears in Super Evil Sexy Bitch Mode, sporting more damage, more speed, more kink, and a CPU-Only attack call Megalomania, where she satisfies her disturbing lusts by raping your Strength Gauge and sodomizing your character via the use of thousands of evil, heart-shaped balls (unless you're smart enough to, you know, DODGE the easiest attack in the game). In the most recent installment in the series, the EX version of I-No can perform a toned-down version of the attack, but it's more like uncomfortable molestation when compared to the full rough sodomizing power of the original attack.

Jam Kuradoberri[edit]

All she does is fight, cook, look sexy and eat (while still staying sexy), so therefore she has been identified by some as a vision of the perfect woman. Despite being a chef, Jam hardly dresses in the correct uniform, the lack of pants leading some people to have doubts over her true profession. Most people come to her restaurant expecting to eat her rather then her food. Jam is a ki user, and apparently this is the reason she's a target of the Robo-Kys, but in truth, the Robo-Kys after Miss Kuradoberri are on loan from the PWAB to the man known only as 'That bastard'. If Baiken's past is anything to go by, Jam is pretty much fucked (in more ways then one) if she's ever caught. Just as well she has some help, even if it is from a French, tea-cup collecting dork.

Johnny[edit]

The offspring of a Sasaki Kojiro wannabe and Johnny Bravo. Johnny is the captain of a group of underage female pirates called the JellyFish Pirates (All the decent names like 'Sky Sharks' had been taken). To the police, he is nothing more then a pain in the ass whose greatest recorded crime was the stealing of several dolphins, a badly beaten orca and a couple of pink whales from what used to be Sea World in the giant pink whale attacks side show(which Justice also destroyed because she thought the fireworks were crap). What the police don't know about is Johnny's illegal lesbian porn movie business that he runs, using the older members of his crew as the stars (although he waits until they're 18, 'cause even a pirate's got to have some morals).

Outside of pornography, Johnny's other loves in life are booze, women and sending hate mail to 'That bastard' telling him that his porn business is going down once Johnny saves enough for advertising. The threat may take some time to be carried out, seeing as he spends it on drink faster then you can say 'Johnny Cash.'

Justice[edit]

Justice is female, and therefore, has sex appeal (This is a Japanese fighting game, so there is no such thing as an ugly female character. Jujudormah from Onimusha: Blade Warriors does not count, as she's not a woman. There's no way that thing can be a woman). Anyway, despite being 100% woman *cough*unlikebridget*cough* Justice wears battle armor with a crotch spike for reasons unthinkable. Making jokes about said crotch spike is a bad idea, unless you like being on the wrong end of a True Gamma Ray, of course. While on the subject of genital spikes and lasers, the rumours of a special Instant Kill type laser hidden in the crotch spike are true, its is actually a PEZ dispenser.

Justice shares the same voice actor as May's friend April. I think I'll let you decide what that means, and no, Justice and April cannot be the same person because Justice is a full grown woman in the past while April is a teenage girl in the present day of GG. That is unless, oh God... TiMe PaRaDoX!!11oN3!1

Kliff Undersn[edit]

Kliff has aged into stumpy, squinty eyed, grizzled wart of an old geezer. At first glances he doesn't seem to even be a shell of his former self during the original Unholy Wars against the Queers, but this couldn't be further from the truth. After spending a hundred years war riding the business end of Justice’s oh-so-infamous crotch spike while watching his adopted son grow up to become a teacup collecting dork, Kliff decides to grab the first weapon he can lay his chubby little hands on and start mutilating people to prove his higher tier superiority.

To this day, Kliff still regrets picking the fucking huge steak knife, as his back has never been good since his first attempt at his Fierce Hard Slash. Kliff appears in the first GG game so he can kick Testament's pansy ass and tell him to grow some balls, but also to seek Faust and some advice on his slowly breaking spine.

He did not appear in GG Apple Core due to reasons of being an old fart.

Ky-Kiske[edit]

The World Police Force's number one cadet and possibly one of the few characters in the game with any sense of morality or manners. Ky wields both the power of lighting and teacups, using both to a deadly degree of force. It has been said that he managed to kill a gear using just one cup (Well, a quarter of one to be exact, he broke it then stabbed the gear in the throat then drank the tea cup) Outside of collecting teacups, being a holy man, listening to Metallica (RIDE DAAA LIGGGGHHTNING!) and being gay..I mean french.Ky likes to make some use of himself and rescue damsels in distress, namely a certain Chinese chef, and despite the fact that she gives every hint that she likes him, Ky remains completely oblivious and still hasn't had it on despite saving her on several occasions and knowing her for a good year. That silly French virgin.

May (AKA Miss Sexy)[edit]

May in her sexy outfit (with breasts).

While A.B.A., I-No, Zato and Faust provide the games sexiness, May is the hot one with all the cuddly animals and hearts and rainbow bubbles and all that queer crap (It should be noted that despite being able to swing a 500 pound anchor around her head like a pillow, May is NOT one of the Gears/Queers) May is the second-in-command on Johnny's ship, so it's her job to steer the ship when Johnny's too intoxicated to do so, and also her job to help deliver the mysterious cargo to the sweaty pirates at the local tavern. May is the reason for Johnny's crime of the infamous SeaWorld kidnapping, as she needed a few more animals for ammo after she found out that being able to summon fish isn't as retarded as it sounds. (Killer Whales are extremely useful when the task at hand fall into the 'Smash opponent's head in from a distance' category it seems). Also, May is famous for her breasts, that always jiggle when she grabs them. Why they do this is anyone's guess, but the sound will annoy most opponents into insanity (Needless to say, this fails against Faust).

Millia Rage[edit]

One of the few characters in the Game to have at least some form of rational thought, Millia Rage was once a well-known runway supermodel, but was soon forced off the circuit for her habit of stabbing attendants, other models, and anyone who pissed her off. Outraged at the time spent in Bulimic therapy wasted, she soon began to run commercials for Vidal Sassoon, and also experimented with their 'Bestial' line of hair-care products. However, as a sudden after-affect of the radioactive conditioner, she soon found she could control her hair and turn it as hard as steel. She soon found she could use this talent as a sort of portable knife, and was soon picked up by the Assassin's Guild. There she met Zato-one, who used his awesome powers of manly sexiness to seduce her into never wearing pants again (Hallelujah!). However, one night, everything went wrong; during an argument over who was sexier, Venom walked in and started to get pissy as to why Zato was 'hanging with that whore'. This lead to Millia losing her temper, and stabbing the two of them, then jumping out of a near-by window and flying away. (Into the niiiiiiiiight~) She currently searches for Zato to finish off what she started that night. Venom, on the other hand, she couldn't care less about, seeing as she thinks any man who uses a pool stick as a weapon must be lame.

Order Sol[edit]

Mr. Badguy before he dropped out of the Holy Orders College University. Order Sol is fought as a special boss after Super Evil Sexy Bitch Mode I-No. The thing is, Order Sol existed long before I-No, but if you fight him after her... Oh god, not again! tImE pArAdOx!!1Onelolio!!!1

Potemkin[edit]

One of Potemkin's old sparring partners poses for the camera

One of the only two black people brothas in the game, Potemkin (lit. Extremely Broken/Extremely Overpowered) fills the role of the series 'Slow as Fuck but can smash your head in no problem' type character. His massive size, contrary to rumours of rampant steroid abuse, is all natural, baby, and is his and his country's pride and joy. Growing up in some shit country as a slave (remember the only other black character is gay too), he was forced by the man to fight in a tournament. After fighting bunches, he and his good buddy Gabe went on to save thier people from oppression. Potemkin had been forced to fight through the placement of an exploding collar on his neck. Though not very tight at all, Potemkin's massive muscles prevented him from scratching his back, let alone raising his arms high enough to take the damn thing off; much to the amusement of his oppressors. Even his muscles have muscles, and 'twas it not for said heavy bomb collar and the hulking gauntlets, Potemkin would easily fuck you up something proper. Alot of his fighting ability and muscle powah comes from fighting the likes of the Incredible Hulk, Lobo from DC comics and Fat Albert. Unfortunately despite his incredible strengh, he's not the most violent of characters, the roid rage countered by a healthy supplement of estrogen taken directly from the body of Clay Aiken himself. Potemkin prefers that he doesn't kill you, thus he wears the gear, and makes himself easy prey for someone like Dizzy, who in combat, can rape Pot nearly as bad as she rapes Bridget, only this time with Gamma Ray rather then her tail.

FUN FACT Did you know that Potemkin does not have legs, but instead walks on two constantly erect double-jointed penises? It's true! He lost his real legs during a tragic bowflex routine, but it's cool since now he doesn't have all that drag of having to tuck them in custom made size 112 jeans, which also helps his self esteem. :D

His insant kill is preferred to be landed at the start of every match, because every experienced player knows that's tournament-level strategy.

Slayer[edit]

Jesus Christ just when you thought they couldn't get any more unoriginal clique awesome they added a vampire.

Throughout the pages of history, hidden deep within the fine print at the bottom, a reoccurring character is described, one with brown swept forwards hair, snazzy fashion sense and a pimping ability so intense he could get any fly bitch he wanted. That man is Slayer, a nightwalker living through centuries of violence and hot women. Slayer is the founder of the Assassin's Guild that consists of several other people including A Ninja, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Spike Lee, Geddy Lee and some other guys who actually stuck arond for the game. After going out for a bit before the events of the first game' probably to have hot sex with the womens; he left Zato in charge. His hindsight could not of forseen his lackey's incompetency for by the time he came back in the 3rd game the once proud group of skilled killers had been reduced to only a moody bitch with a terrible hair problem and some sad bastard with a pool cue for a weapon. Slayer disbanded the group and decided to make his hobby of meddeling in other peoples shit his full time job.

Slayer's hobbies include writing haiku, sucking (I'll spare you the details), being insanely strong, watching Sin City (As evidenced by his Special colors in Reload) and pimping his way through women left and right. Slayer's pimping ability is legendary, he has seduced everyone from Queen Elizibeth the 1st (Virgin Queen? HA!) to Taylor Hanson. And to top it off, he must be a fucking animal in bed since his wife Sharon is still with him despite the fact he's been with about every last bitch under the moon.

Robo-Ky[edit]

A mysterious group, not quite as mysterious as 'That bastard's' porn studio group, but mysterious none the less, spent the majority of the first game, watching the fighting between the various loopy cast members, both to decide who would make a suitable subject for their project, and of course, to masturbate furiously to that one fight between Millia and May that got seriously out of hand. (Alas, that tape has been lost in the pages of time, along with the secret to Slayer's pimping ability)

After much pondering, watching and jacking off, the group decided to base their project of the greatest warrior who entered the tournament. Despite this decision, they ended up using a Frenchman instead. The first prototype of the project was a cheap, sea-sick looking recolor of Ky Kiske, that earned the wrath of many fans. The second version actually had some effort put into him and the true Robo-Ky was born/patented/set for mass production. This Robo-Ky is an improvement on the original fleshy meat bag, losing a number of his weaknesses, including his biggest draw-back, (i.e. The fact he was French). Just to take the piss, the group decided to make Robo-Ky higher tier and gave him a much cooler Instant Kill then Ky too.

However, within 10 seconds of play with Robo-Ky, he automatically overheats and destructs, making the opponent the victor, unless of course it is a mirror match, in which the game will simply shut off by itself.(if you have downloaded the game from Xbox live, bill gates will jump out and kick you in the balls like he did the first time you bought that piece of crap called an Xbox 360)

Testament[edit]

Testament is a man who once idolized his adoptive father, and wished to fight alongside him in the war against the Queers. Unfortunately, Fate is a deity with a terrible sense of humor who decided to treat Testament to a great, big slice of shattered dream pie. After he royally fucked up in front of his father, Testament decided to slit his wrists and then decided to sacrifice his humanity and become a Queer, in hope that the humans would never poke fun at him for having long hair and listening to Linkin Park again. While his transformation to the Queer side was successful, Testament's own darkness also increased, thus changing him from a sad little bastard into a whiny, yet 'hardcore' gothic tart

Testament suffers a form of OCD where he is completely infatuated with the Queer known as Dizzy, this obsessive nature has lead to him having his ass kicked by the entire cast of the second game, all trying to get get a piece of Dizzy's delicious thighs. After both he and she got PWN'd by Sol Badguy, Testament allowed Johnny to take care of Dizzy instead. Testament regrets that decision, and still moping around the forest, muttering rude things about Johnny, wishing he was still with Dizzy and just generally acting like a typical teenage goth. His homicidal nature and appearance could be derived from the fact that he is the distant cousin of one Varg Vikernes.

Zappa[edit]

"...Just keep away from me. Allright?" love Zappa.

Sol Badguy[edit]

Sol Baduy sometimes known as Sol Badass, Frederick, or Quit Playing as a Fucking Box Character Faggot is the main character of the Guilty Gear video game franchise. Sol himself being the Guilty Gear (WUAH-OH), goes around kicking human's asses because he wants to save humans from getting thir asses kicked by Gears who used to kick thier asses because thWHO CARES IT'S LOOKS LIEK AINME DID YU NO BRIGET'S GOT A DICK????¿!!!!!!!LOLOLOLLLLLZ!!!11111 Sol Badguy wears tight clothes, a pair of sweet ass pumps, and wields a sword called "Fucken" that shoots fire or something. He's also a scientist, the prototype gear, creator of a bunch of weapons, a member of the Holy Order of Knights, a dragon, and whatever else fan-fiction bullshit superpowers you want him to be in the next installment of the series.

Before he was Sol Badguy, Freddy Mercury was once good friends with William the Conqueror. After arriving in England sometime around 1060 the two met, and according to others; "hit it off" which probably means something in the seedy European gay underworld. The two remained good companions throughout thier young life. After conquering England, William helped launch Freddy's musical career. The two lost contact shortly after Freddy discovered William had been hiding his Frenchness the whole time, to which he responded "That Bastard".

After dying Freddy Mercury's corpse went on to participate in some Japanese kid's science project that went horribly wrong, turning him into an anime character. Side effects included:

  • Speaking Japanese , even though he is American, even though he was British.
  • Having a mysterious and obscure past
  • Yelling out shit while fighting
  • Beating up on men, women, men who look like women, children, and generally people with hues of red/blue eyes depending on what side of good/evil/who really gives a fuck they are on.
  • Grotesly muscled figure that due to Japanese law prevents him from weighing in at more then 170 pound in a 5'11 body.

During one point, things were really cool; then BOOM! a ton of shit happens and nearly everyone dies. Super artifical life forms called Gears were lead by "That Bastard" to go and fuck everything up for everyone. Japan, being accostumed to genocide on a weekly basis, shrugged it off and then proceeded to make money off of nerds and fanbois when they turned it into a video game.

Sol Badguy, persues "That Bastard" with intentions of exacting vengence for shit that happened in the past.

The Mystery of Dizzy's Father[edit]

Before the events of Guilty Gear XXX Slash Sharp Reload on the Hizzy Riding Spinnaz when Dizzy Gillespie was revealed to be Dizzy's father, there had been many theories and rumors as to who the blue-haired whore's old man was. Here are two of the most popular ideas.

Sol Badguy

Before the creation of the gears/queers, Sol (known as Freddy Mercury at that point) worked along side Justice (who was known simply as Jessie at that point, since she wasn't important enough to have a last name, apparently) The two of them, along with 'That bastard', created the gears and also managed to turn themselves (Save for 'That bastard') into queers. To celebrate, the three of them went out and got drunk. As the saying goes, one thing leads to another. In this case, Sol and Justice got it on, while 'That bastard' filmed the whole thing. Afterwards 'That bastard' mysteriously disappeared to start his own porn studio, which in the present day of the GG world, he is more then infamous for (Check Baiken's story for gorey details) and both Freddie and Jessie split up. After faking his death, Freddie Mercury decided to try and hook back up with Jessie, only to find that she was the Queer Saviour Justice and that she had an egg. Rather then let her keep the child and force him to pay child benefit, Freddie killed Justice and then made off with the egg. After realizing he didn't know shit about childcare, Freddie/Sol left the egg with an old couple in the woods with a note reading 'NOT FOR EATING' The egg eventually hatched, revealing Dizzy.

'That bastard'

Like in the theory about Sol as Dizzy's father, 'That bastard' worked along side Freddie Mercury (Sol) and Jessie (Justice). Their combined efforts created the queers and turned both Freddie and Jessie into queers as well. Unlike the Sol story, it was not Sol getting it on with Jessie, but rather it was 'That bastard'. The story continues in a similar way to the Sol Theory, but for different reasons. After Sol killed Justice to avoid paying child care fees, 'That bastard' appeared and stole Justice's egg, planning to use the child in his loli/guro porn films. He experimented on the egg, so that the girl born from it would become the perfect porn star. Unfortunately, the egg hatched and produced Dizzy, who grew up much too fast for 'That bastard's' liking and she was later found by a couple of OAPs.

Music References[edit]

Most characters, in appearance, name, or abilities, refer to emo bands and musicians. Examples:

  • I-No has an attack named "Chemical Love". This is an obvious reference to My Chemical Romance. But it was made before they existed, the fanboy said. Well it's a TiMepaRadoX!!!111oNe1, dick. There, instant explanation.
  • A.B.A. has been known to cut herself often.
  • For Christ's sake, just look at Testament.
  • Anji Mito is an Aerosmith whore, making fluorescent versions of their logo fly around on screen.
  • There is a vampire named Vanilla Ice, and he pledges loyalty to…wait. Shit. Wrong game.
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