“In Soviet Russia,guitars play you”
|This article is obviously created by someone who is Fucking Rad, which makes this article totally sweet. And awesome.|
A Guitar Duel is one of the most manly ways to prove one's manliness. If you refuse to compete in a guitar duel when challenged, that means you are a total square and a woman too. And if George Bush challenges you and you decline, you're a terrorist also. Guitar Duels are the most righteous form of retribution, too. If we replaced all guns with electric guitars, then some truly wicked duels would take place. And that would be sweet. The only way a guitar duel can end is if one of the contestants' heads explodes. They also lose worse than if they just lost The Game.
Guitar Duel Transcripts
Here are a few transcripts of guitar duels that I listened to. They were truly rad, otherwise I would not transcript them.
Player 1: WEOOOOOO JUGGA WOOOOOOOW WEOOOOOWEROOOOOOO JUGGA JUGGA WEOOOWEOOWEOOWOOOOOOWWEROOOOOOOWREOOOOOO WOW!
Player 2: WEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *pinch harmonic* WOW WOWWA WOW (whammy bar) WORRRRRRRROWWWWW WHAM JUG JUG JUG WEOOOOO JUG WAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Player 1: (head explodes)
Player 1: WEROOOOOOOOAWWWWWWWWW WAM! JUGGA JUGGA WEOOOO JUGGA JUGGA WEOOO JUGGAJOOW!
Player 2: WAW WAW WAW WAGGA WEOOOOOOO MEEDLY MEEDLY MEEDLY MEEEEEEOOOOOWWWW!
Player 1: JOW JOW WEEGGA WEOOOOOOOOOO (whammy bar) WOKKA WOOOOOOOOOWWW JUGGA JUGGA JUG JUG WEOOOOOOORRROOOOOOWWW!!!!!
Player 2: (head explodes)
Famous Guitar Duels
There are a number of famous guitar duels throughout history. In fact, a number of them decided the fate of the universe. Here are the most famous, which I'm sure you probably heard (unless you're a total square) Note: Jimmy Page isn't mentioned on here because no one in their right mind would dare challenge him to a guitar duel because they know that if they did, it would cause the universe to implode.
- 4,539,997,991 BC: Slash vs. Ted Nugent Winner: None. It was a draw, the sound created by these two guitarists created planet Earth.
- 19 AD: Jesus vs. Stan Winner: Stan
- 1694 AD: Randy Rhoads vs. Herman Ree (of Dragonforce) Winner: Randy Rhoads. Herman Ree got b0red of playing pacman on his guitar, so he tried to play a song, sadly failing miserably.
- Me vs. Kip Fucking Benson Winner: Me. Duh. I'm fucking rad every day.
- Kerry King vs. Patrick Stump Winner: Of course Patrick won, he whipped his ass faster then you can say "sugar we're goin down" Patrick is prince on Trickland. There for he = sex on toast
- Zakk Wylde vs. Buckethead vs. Michael Romeo Winner None. This event is what casued the ice age and the death of the Dinosuars as well as separating the continents.
- Jason Becker vs. Marty Friedman Winner: Friedman. This one was actually pretty close and was so close, in fact, that a winner was not decided for 200 years. Contrary to popular belief, Jason Becker did not actually get ALS, he just used it as an excuse to stop playing guitar to give his fingers a break. Marty, who almost died in the process as well, finally could officially be considere better than Jason Becker (but they both kick focking ass !!!!CACOPHONY!!!!)
- Marty Friedman vs. Kirk Hammett Winner: Friedman. After proving worthy of beating Jason Becker, MTV hosted a guitar battle between Friedman and Selloutica's Kirk Hammett. Friedman won within the first minute, actually 59 seconds, cause Hammett was too buisy buying designer clothes to play guitar.
- a basket of oranges vs. The Collective Will of MCR Winner : Oranges.
- Oscar Wilde Vs. The cookie monster Winner: Wilde by default, The cookie monster was suffering from withdrawal symptoms from not having eaten 3 small children and a box of cookies for breakfast...
- Alex Lifeson vs. John Petrucci Winner John Petrucci. The battle started well for Alex Lifeson, as John Petrucci was too busy having the guitarist of his wet dreams playing in front of him. But then he decided to play something from "As I Am", and lost a finger in the process, but finally defeated his hero.
- Eddie Van Halen's left hand vs. Eddie Van Halen's right hand. When the right hand started playing in F-minor the left chose D-major. The duel was stopped undecided when after 20 minutes of playing there was still no dissonance.
- Joe Satriani vs. me. Satriani is a great player, but I'm too rad for him.
look at this example:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CAJtu2nHLw&feature=related
Required for a Guitar Duel
- A guitar, preferably with a whammy bar.
- An opponent to duel. Duh.
- Large Balls
- Fucking awesome, nay, rad skills.
- Banjo Duel. Come Prepared for this one, Banjo Solos are known to be unholy and only someone channeling pure evil can pull a successful one off.
- Drum Duel. Why head bang when you could beat off?
- Washboard Duel. Crazy, Insane, intense, CLEAN.
- Duelling Basses. Takes a lot more skill than a guitar duel but sadly doesn't sound as good.
- Wiki Duel. Pointless, and will probably get you removed from the site.