Guitar tablature
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“Bass tablature? Is that like tablature for fish?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bass Guitar tablature
Guitar tablature is a method of sending secret messages in code. It is also a form of fake music used my many pre-pubescent and post-pubescent kids who want to be a rock star but doesn't want to put the actual effort in to become on. It's a way of acting cool and you thinking your cool but ever other guitar player just laughing because they know you suck at guitar and can't actually play anything. Bottom line... Anyone who plays tabs sucks and not only guitar but life.
Here is an example of a coded guitar tablature:
e:------------------------15-17b18-| B:-15-------15-18-----------------------| G:----15-17-------15--------------------| D:--------------------------------------| A:--------------------------------------| E:--------------------------------------| C O M E H O M E Q U I C K L Y e:-17----17-----18~-------------------17b------------| B:----17----15~-------17-15---------15-----15----17~-| G:--------------------------17----15----------17-----| D:------------------------------15-------------------| A:---------------------------------------------------| E:---------------------------------------------------| T H E C A T S H A V I N G F I T S A G A I N e:-18-15-------------------------------17----------| B:-------18-15--------------------15/--17h19b------| G:-------------18-17-15b--------15-----17-----15b~-| D:-----------------------17---15-------17----------| A:--------------------------15---------------------| E:-------------------------------------------------| A N D G E T S O M E M O R E S H A M P O O
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[edit] Other Uses
“ I couldn't find Smells Like Teen Spirit anywhere online ”
~ Stuart Horbury talking crap about Online Guitar Tab
Guitar tablature is also used to send Medical Information, subliminal messages about Satan and other house hold names to the uneducated masses.
For example:
!@#$%^& +++++ /\/\/\/\/\ e:-8-7-----7-5----------q--------------------------∞-∞-∞-∞-∞-∞-∞--| B:-------5-----5------pi---9-ü--------------------------------| G:-----5---------5-----4---------2b7------------------------------| D:-5-------6-------7---√2---------------0000000-------------------| A:--------------------------------------0√-1=i0-------------------| E:---------------------5&100---$#!+-----0000000-------------------| W O R S H I P S A T A B! O O P S T Y P O L O L O L O L
OR
e:---------------------------------------------------------------| B:-------10---------10-----10---------10-------------------------| G:---------------------------------------------9---------9/10----| D:---------------------------------------------------------------| A:--8------------8------8------8---------------------------------| E:---------------------------------------------8---------8/10----| SCAR TISSUE IS NOT AS ELASTIC OR STRONG AS NORMAL FIBROUS TISSUE
Guitar tablature can also be used for bass guitar. This is known as "Bass tablature". The reason for this is most probably because it is for bass, and it is tablature. More on this naming method can be found at The Obviously named Captain Obvious' Naming Methods. No-one really cares about bass tablature though, because, well, no-one really cares about bassists. But we still love them all the same.
Bass tablature is usually written like this:
- OK, now pick up the bass, nooo, do it with your hands. Well done! Now take the index finger of your left hand, oh sorry, first finger, the one next to the thumb, the big one at the end of your hand. Yes, that's it. And now put it on the 7th marking of the top string. Come on you can do it. Slowly wins the race...slowly...slowly...slowly...don't rush, we don't want you having an accident now, do we? Oh, well done! Now, take your right hand and just let it drop on that same top string. Very Good! And that's all there is to being a bass player. Well done!
Tablature can also be used by Left-handed guitarists, where it is written nearly exactly the same, but backwards with lots of ink blot stains and is nearly illegible. With this in mind, it is very rare to come across left-handed bass tablature as it is pretty much impossible to read. It is usually written in a special left-handed bassist language, which only two left-handed bassists have achieved to learn. That's why when most left-handed bassists learn they're left-handed, they switch to an easier hobby, like Kitten Huffing.
[edit] Guitar tablature on the internet
Some guitar tablature is on the internet. Scientologists are divided on the issue, but it is believed to originate from 14 year-olds who worked some of the song out badly by ear and made the rest up, before posting it on the internet in the hope that Some Shitty Band would see it and offer them employment.
[edit] Complete, accurate guitar tablature on the internet
The possibility of complete and accurate internet guitar tablature was first postulated in 2003 by Dr. Edward Van Halen and Prof. John Frusciante of Oxbridge University, although its existence has yet to be proven.
[edit] Famous Guitar Tablaturistists
[edit] See also
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Guitar tablature is a method of sending secret messages in code. |
