Gwen Stefani

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“In Ireland this would be a Banshee”

~ Oscar Wilde on Gwen Stefani

“Does she still wear that Indian dot on her forehead? Gavin Rossdale must really like that a lot.”

~ God on that stupid dot on her forehead

Gwen Stefani (pronounced Gwen Steph-A-Knee) is an American songwriter, self-proclaimed black woman and gangster, notta Hollaback girl, and fashion designer who became famous for her big gigantic shoes. She began practicing the dark arts at age 9, which soon developed into a full-blown obsession with the band R.E.M.. This obsession brought forth her desire for a name change and she decided on having a composite name of the most evil things (mostly artists) she could think of.

People realised she could sing when she joined the ska band No Doubt but she unfortunately turned chav and started mixing with R&B scum like Pharrell and Akon. It is well known that What You Waiting For was a generally good song but after that, she started releasing poop like Hollaback Girl. She currently thinks she is black, what's known as "Justin Timberlake Syndrome". Sometimes, she thinks she's Japanese and was born in Tokyo to a poor-but-fashionably-dressed Harajuku prostitute and a rich, 80-year-old businessman named Dickruheadru Stefani. This probably explains why Gwen Stefani dresses like a Alice in Wonderland wannabe and carries all those 'Harajuku' girls around 'imported' from Japan. Gwen Stefani will fuck anything in her way just to get a baby. She is expecting her next 3rd baby in June, 2011 and will call him/her weirdlongand"unique"name.

Life, Times, Marriage, and Loss of Husband[edit]

Born in lily white Orange County in 69, Stefani is of half A-rabe or Armenian, and 1/8 Cherokee heritage. Her father was a loan shark, her mom was a stay-at-home alcoholic and she lost an older brother named Billy Ray Cyrus (OK, not funny) whom seemingly taken over her body (now that's funny in a Poltergeist way). Explaining her need for attention.

Gwen Stefani first met Superman when she was 12. Hercules, her adoptive parent, wanted her to choose someone else to date, but took an attractive young monster named Chewbacca. She and Chewbacca had married, and they had a Sweet Escape. They eventually adopted 4 children: Love, Angel, Music, and Baby. But sadly they all ran away so Gwen had serious trauma which she never gotten over with. This is why to this date, she carries those 'Harajuku' girls around just to feel good.

This got her up to earth, where she and Chewbacca resided, but Jeffrey Dahmer had came up and sliced 'n' diced Chewbacca, and Ichi The Killer had gutted him with his shoeblade. To this day, Gwen is still in mourning.

Gwen married Rivers Cuomo of Weezer (THEY SUCK). They kept their relationship secret for the world to never see, until they were discovered kissing. She should date the whole cast of Winger.

Recently her husband had disappeared; no one ever saw him again. Now they are searching "The next one Gwen Stefani can play with".

She's in a bitch slap fight with Jenny McCarthy over Jim Carrey and Jenny's 5 year old child with special needs keeps getting in the way.

Fiddler on the Roof[edit]

Here Stefani holds the fiddle off frame.

Following the release of Gwen Stefani's hit single, "(If I Were A) Rich Girl," and "Challah Back Girl," she was approached by representatives of the Walt Disney Company, namely Bob Ogre, regarding its adaptation as a musical. She signed onto the project immediately, and Fiddler on the Roof: A Tragicomedy in Two Acts opened on Broadway September 22, 2003 and ran for 3,242½ performances. The show was written by Oscar Hammerstein II and Elton John and starred Zero Mostel as Tevye, Stefani as Golde, and Judy Garland as Tzeitel. The story, which is a roman à clef describing Stefani's own upbringing in Chatham, tells of a young girl named Tzeitel growing up in the small Jewish shtetl, or village, of Anatevka, Russia, and her parents' scheme to lift the family out of poverty by producing a musical flop entitled Springtime for Hitler. One week before the opening, Stefani choked on a large turkey bone, and due to fears that she would be unable to sing, the showstopper "If I Were A Rich Girl" was given to Mostel's character and renamed "If I Were A Rich Man."

The show was later adapted into a film of the same name in which Frank Sinatra replaced Zero Mostel as Tevye. The plot of the film differs somewhat from that of the original show, most notably in that Tevye bears a greater resemblance to Frank Sinatra.

No Doubt Reunion[edit]

Thanks to an overwelming community of No Doubt finatics the band has decided to return to the music scene, what is to happen with the Harajuku Girls is not yet known, rumours that they are starting their own band also the name of the fashion range Harajuku Lovers in honor of Gwen and supporting No Doubt concerts are realistic.

Personal (sorta) life[edit]

  • Her pimp is Gavin Rossdale of poor performing "alternative" rock band Bush (renamed Obama to get even at them posers Green Day) married in a roadside Nevada chapel on 06-06-06. They had a daughter Beavis and a son Butthead on the very night when Gwen woke up about "seriously having to take a dump but out of her vagina".
  • She's been called a "sell out" by the alternative rock industry, after all this is how she got to here.
  • Gwen Stefani has lost her mind, now talks like a baby and dresses like a Cabbage Patch kid doll.

Discography[edit]

No Doubt[edit]

Solo[edit]

  • I Love Asians(2005)
  • I REALLY Love Asians (2007)
  • Me, me, me, me, ME!!! (2008)
  • Another Collection Of How Bad My Life Is Songs - The Best Of.. (2009)
  • "I'm have proud Asiatic (Jk I'm white) blood in me" - special live concert in Orange County Obsessed Tour (2009)

Solo Singles[edit]

  • What Am I Waiting For?
  • Rich Bitch
  • What The Fuck Am I On?
  • Cool- Even though you dumped me and said I was "clingy"
  • Fuxurious
  • I'm Sad
  • The LSD Ezcape
  • Another Sad Song Because Gavin Makes Me Feel Like Shit And Cheats On Me With Trash Hookers Like Courtney Love And Has A Daughter I Just Found Out About Yesterday
  • I Want To Be A Mom