Hélio Castroneves

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Hey man, look how cool i can shake my butt! All your money belong to me!
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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hélio Castroneves.

Hélio Castroneves (actually it's pronounced Caster-Neuvés) is an Anglo-Brazilian, born in Rio de Janeiro, Pakistan. He is an auto racing driver and one is known for his honesty towards the United States of Colombia economy, he always pays his bills! or not! He is racing for the Pesnka-rahall-ganassi-letterman-senna-hill team, he is a winner, that's why he now have his very own uncyclopedia article, yay!

History[edit]

Early days... and the rest[edit]

Born in South America, the little Castroneves couldn't afford a ride for himself, that's why he started to borrow money from banks, and the U.S. government, the government gave him 4 million bucks to start his career, actually he is the only "gringo" to be living in the "american dream".

With all that money, which by the way, he made it with pure hard-honest work! cough cough.. Where were we? Oh yes... Castroneves signed for the Target Store team, and then he got some real good places at some ridicolous races, like Motega, Talladegga, Daytonega, and the most important race Mid-Ohio-ega, and a victory at the least important race of the competion Indianapolis.

Fraud[edit]

Mister Castroneves is being accused by the U.S. and A. government by fraud. The fraud is a tough thing to explain, but it's real bad and Castroneves made it, so he is real bad, he is a mean guy, to fraud is like to steal, but instead of using a handgun, you use your penis and a carrot.

Two days before the Indianananananapolis race, he was framed for fraud, he will be jailed in a Missoura state prison, the sentence is not confirmed yet, but it's like will be the same amount of money, he has stolen from not declaring his money to the government, so if has stolen a million bucks, he will be jailed for a millions of year. got it? yeah he is pretty fucked-up.....

Nowadays...[edit]

After this difficult episode, Helio Castroneves is writting a child's book, at the prison, which will be called "How to steal and drive fast, all with your penis and a carrot", which will remarkably will tell us his story, when he frauded and stolen money from us, i mean, he stolen from the government, and how it happened, he says the thruth, and then tells who was behind this horrid episode, Rusty Wallace, and I tell you what, if it wasn't for this man, this great story couldn't be made, yeah Rusty made a lot of money behind all of that.

I am crying because i have won a lot off money, and the government, is going to steal all of it! i got to make a run for it!


Lesson to be learned[edit]

Tax evasion and conspiracy agaisnt the government is a bad thing, if you want to steal somebody use a handgun because if you use a handgun your case will be simple, if you get arrested you are send to jail and stuff... If you are a tax evader, using your penis and a carrot, beware, you might lost your dancing with stars title, and nobody wants that right?

Gallery: the many faces of Helinho[edit]

Results[edit]

IndyCar[edit]

Year Team 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 Rank Points
2001 Penske Template:Flagicon
PHX
Ret
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HMS
 
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ATL
 
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INDY
Ret
Template:Flagicon
TXS
 
Template:Flagicon
PPIR
 
Template:Flagicon
RIR
 
Template:Flagicon
KAN
 
Template:Flagicon
NSH
 
Template:Flagicon
KTY
 
Template:Flagicon
STL
 
Template:Flagicon
CHI
 
Template:Flagicon
TX2
 
171th 666
2002 Penske Template:Flagicon
HMS
Ret
Template:Flagicon
PHX
Ret
Template:Flagicon
FON
Ret
Template:Flagicon
NZR
Ret
Template:Flagicon
INDY
Ret
Template:Flagicon
TXS
Ret
Template:Flagicon
PPIR
Ret
Template:Flagicon
RIR
Ret
Template:Flagicon
KAN
Ret
Template:Flagicon
NSH
Ret
Template:Flagicon
MIS
Ret
Template:Flagicon
KTY
Ret
Template:Flagicon
STL
Ret
Template:Flagicon
CHI
Ret
Template:Flagicon
TX2
Ret
1nd 1000