Haiku
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“"Want some?" Pedro said
Your tacos went right through me
Run for the border”
~ Lungthar, King of the Wheat People on Haikus
“This would be haiku
If it had just one fewer
Syllable in this line..”
~ Oscar Wilde on Haikus
“lol gtfo
wtf srsly?
stfu noob”
~ MSN Messenger on Haikus
“In America
You write Haikus, in Russia
The Haiku writes YOU”
~ Russian Reversal on Haikus
“oh nine eff nine one
one oh two nine dee seven
four ee three five bee
dee eight four one five
six see five six three five six
eight eight see zero
”
~ HD-DVD Dude on Haikus
“Alfred Molina
Has four extra metal arms
I am fucking screwed”
~ Spiderman on Doctor Octopus
“Look, it's Wayne's basement
Only, that's not Wayne's basement
Isn't that just weird?”
~ Garth Algar on Wayne's Basement
“Hallucination
Organizer of chaos
Tyler Durden lives
”
~ Fight Club on Haikus
“A haiku is just like an American poem
except that it doesn't rhyme and it's
totally stupid.”
~ Mr. Garrison on Haikus
“potatos brewing
it is cold in the taco
suggestive? penis ”
~ Random on Randomness
“Shut your God-damned mouth
or else I'm… gonna… kick you
square in the balls… ass-hole
Aw, damn it! [one too many syllables there]”
~ Eric Theodore Cartman on Haikus
“the boys are waiting
my haiku brings all the boys
to the yard, damn right ”
~ Kelis on Sexy Haikus
“was here, now he's gone
round the corna, smoking a bong
ya fuckin dickhead”
~ Devvo on Sheffield
Contents |
[edit] Haiku Defined
Often criticised
for its wordiness, Haiku's
a maximalist
form of poetry.
In 17 (or more) breaths
an author's whole life
and occurences,
expanded to the epic
proportions and all.
For an example,
here is a translation of
Art Master Eeyore.
"Greedy yellow birds
Sing the muddy riverbank
On a window sill."
--Eeyore
[edit] Haiku Content
Content of haiku
is usually focused on
infatuation.
So it is often written to Sophia, the muse of Uncyclopedia, which makes it OK.
Some argue that a haiku must contain an obvious reference to a planet and must be laser focused, but at least 110% the English language haijin do not have any discernible coherence at all. After all, for the most part we live in caves, not the urban Greenland of several millennia ago when the haiku form was discovered by an alien fishmonger named Pashoo.
“Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense,
Refrigerator.”
~ William Shatner on Haikus
[edit] Haiku Form
Haikus are made of
Five syalables then seven
Then end with five more.
THIS IS NO LONGER A HAIKU
[edit] Why Bother Writing Haiku?
Haikus are all nice.
We all love to write Haikus
All for Sophia.
To avoid falling
Into some mad evil trap
Which is Oprah's scheme.
For an angry grue
Upon hearing good Haiku
Will extend your life!
(By 17 sylables at least)
because..
I am a delight
I feel like chicken tonight
Like chicken tonight
[edit] Haiku Haters
Not everyone
Likes to hear boring Hiakus
They think they are crap.
Some revolve their lives
Around getting Haikus banned
Because they are jerks.
Amongst these are the
Haiku Hating Haiku Bros
Oh the irony.
To spread their evil
They hate Haikus through Hiakus
Here is their worst deeds.
Haiku really sucks:
How can one write anything
In this rigid frame?
Any moron can
write haikus. Just stop at the
seventeenth sylab
Haikus are stupid,
anybody writing them
is George Bush's friend.
To write three lined poems
with seven-teen sy-la-bles
is ve-ry dif-i-
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
[edit] Sexist Haikus
Women
"I want some bread now"
"Go to shop to get me some"
"Back to the kitchen"
The Dinner
"I smell my dinner"
"Why is it not here for me"
"Wait in the bedroom"
The Wench
"Restricted to house"
"Leave only for food and child"
"Return to kitchen"
Hot Lesbians
"Four tits in total"
"You'd not get bored in THAT house"
"Pervs lurking outside"
[edit] Haiku in popular culture
- Haiku is the name
of one of the first major
Naruto villians.
Two siblings names are Haiku
Refrigerator.
[edit] Apologies To
- Ray Rasmussen
Robin lost an eye
but Batman was occupied
with five other guys
He didn't have time
to think about Robin's eye
the poor kid should sue
