Hairy ball theorem
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The hairy ball theorem is a mathematical equation commonly applied in quantum physics. The theorem states, "one cannot comb the hair on my balls in a smooth manner" [1]. The theorem, similar to the String Theory, attempts to explain how the universe was first created and how it functions.
The theorem goes on to compare the universe to a bowl and hairy balls to celestial bodies. Gravity, the attraction between two masses, results in balls being shaken around causing physical and atmospheric decay on the balls that is necessary to sustain balance. Without this universal motion, celestial bodies become affected with another scientific term known as, "Blue balls". Many agree that this analogy is shitty.
Contents |
[edit] The Equation
The equation itself is impossible to write, although the answer is 5. Because it is considered by many to be the equation that "explains the universe and renounces God's existence", it has gained heavy criticism from the Christian community.
[edit] Criticism
Although it doesn't directly mention any deity, the equation proves that the universe's creation and existence can be directly linked to hairy balls, which many early philosophers such as Idiocrates and Testicles have also stated may be the answer to life.
Due to intelligent design's role in science (which is none), all attempts by the Christian community to have the theorem destroyed have gone almost unnoticed.
[edit] Prosposal
The theorem was first suggested by smart guy Dmitri Mendeleev in 1865 after the success of his smash-hit TV show, Periodic Table of Elements, a show similar to Hollywood Squares.
The scientific community, who at the time was on a labor strike over the budget cut on petri dishes, rejected the equation because they simply didn't understand it. It would be years until mathematician Albert Einstein would later resurrect the theorem and bring it to the attention of the scientific community once again, this time with sufficient petri dishes.
[edit] Comparison to the String Theory
Scientists and mathematicians alike have come to the conclusion that the Hairy Ball Theorem and the String Theory are two compatible units. In fact, the two theories plus a black hole may have caused the Big Bang Theory. Below is a timeline that demonstrates the events:
- "String" (basis of the String Theory) is constantly created during an elapsed time of 450 billion years, creating all of the elements and matter we know of today.
- Gravity and the Hairy Ball Theorem help tightly pack all of the universe's matter and elements into two extremely dense balls (hence where this theorem got it's name).
- A nearby blackhole, recently exiled for bad behaviour, decides to suck up all of this dense, compacted matter. Unfortunately, the blackhole isn't large enough, and the universe doesn't fit at first. After some
lubricationsucking, the blackhole finally swallows the universe like a good girl. This causes the Big Bang.
[edit] See also
