Halloween II (2009 film)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo10.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Halloween II (2009 film).


Warning: This article is biased and may represent the opinion of 99.9999999999% of the world’s population. However, it may not reflect Rob Zombie’s opinion, which he often contradicts anyway. Don’t change a thing to remedy this.

“Even if it’s good, it’s still gonna suck without Daeg... BIG TIME!”

~ Captain Obvious on Halloween II and the Daeg Faerch recast

“No Daeg and no Halloween Theme make Homer... something, something!”

~ Homer Simpson on his Halloween II reservations

“Where the fuck is Daeg?”

~ Everybody except Rob Zombie on Halloween II
The latest movie poster for H2 gives us a sample of the film’s light and comedic tone.

Halloween II (formerly known as H2, Halloween: The Devil Walks Among Us, Halloween: Rob Zombie Wants More Money, and Halloween II: Where the Fuck is Daeg?) is Rob Zombie’s 2009 parody-sequel of his own 2007 remake of John Carpenter’s 1978 horror clasic Halloween, but is disguised as a serious, direct sequel to the 2007 film. It is not a remake of the Halloween II that came out in 1981, but rather is essentially a remake of the 2007 Halloween remake. Unlike the previous film, H2 will be lighter and campier in tone. This change in direction popped in the writer-director’s head when he unfortunately decided that Daeg Faerch was "waaay too old" for the role of Young Michael Myers and that his scenes wouldn’t work.

“I’ve said this time and time again, but here's the deal: I have no brain. It is impossible for me to come to terms with the fact that there are numbers in betweeen 10 and 27. I have no idea how to make a little kid older in a script, and I’m too lazy to make the scenes work with Daeg. He showed up to set and he was almost as tall as Shaq and his voice was deeper than the late Don LaFontaine. We tried doing the Benjamin Button thing on him, but jack shit didn’t work. I was pissed because I wanted to do a serious sequel, but I couldn’t do that without Daeg. And I couldn’t use Daeg if he was too old for the role, because I don’t know how to use special effects to restore an actor’s previous age. So when Daeg got the cut, I decided to turn into a hack and turn Michael Myers into a laughingstock more than Halloween: Resurrection ever did! Forget about Christopher Nolan, whose Dark Knight is better than his Batman Begins; for H2, I’m looking up to Joel Schumacher, who did one good Batman and followed it up with the worst Batman since Adam West!”

~ Rob Zombie on what he was smoking when he recast Daeg Faerch

The campier film will immediately follow the events of the 2007 Halloween and pick up some time later. The entire cast was briefly replaced with comedic actors: Replacing Scout-Taylor Compton as Laurie Strode was Amanda Bynes; replacing Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Loomis was Colin Mochrie; replacing Danielle Harris as Annie Brackett (to much fan outrage!) was Amy Winehouse; replacing Brad Dourif as Sheriff Brackett was Kevin James, who has experience playing cops in such classics as Paul Blart: Mall Cop; Replacing Rob’s wife Sherri Moon Zombie as Deborah Myers was Wayne Brady, "only because Stevie Nicks turned down the part. We had no other volunteers, and we were pressed for time." But the (second) most controversial recast was the replacement of Tyler Mane as Michael Myers with Mike Myers. No specific plot elements are known at this time, but it is rumored that a big secret will be revealed this time around that will shake the foundation of the Halloween franchise for years to come. "I don’t even know what it is yet," Zombie says, " which sucks because the film opens Friday! Oh shit!"

Unless the film undergoes massive reshoots at the dead-last minute, it is scheduled to open in theaters this Friday.

Contents

[edit] Controversy

Halloween II has endured many a controversy since March of 2009. These are the most notable.

[edit] Casting

On March 3, 2009, it was sadly confirmed that Daeg Faerch was fired from reprising the role of Young Michael Myers due to height and puberty concerns, much to Rob Zombie’s own dismay. "It hurt me more than it hurt him," Zombie has said. "I did everything I could to make it fucking work, but I’m too opinionated and too grounded into a certain vision to come up with ways to adapt my vision to accommodate the actor in question. Dammit, I think that was a run-on sentence! I’m too lazy to work my way out of a run-on sentence. How pathetic is that?"

The removal of Daeg Faerch also called for a change in the film’s direction, including a completely different cast, better suited for comedy, camp, parody, and satire. Zombie hated having to fire such friends as Malcolm McDowell and Tyler Mane. "I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die," he says. "I’ve worked with Tyler ever since The Devil's Rejects back in 2005. He's so fun to work with, and it’s too bad he wouldn’t dig the kind of style I’m going for with Halloween II. But Michael Keaton wasn’t digging Batman Forever, nor was Val Kilmer keen with Batman & Robin, because of the gradual change in tone. The campier it gets, the more you piss off the serious actors. There’s no way for Halloween II to be serious without Daeg; I cannot take anybody else seriously in the Young Michael role. But since he was so essential to the movie, I decided to make the film comedic so that the new kid playing Michael, that kid from Two and a Half Men, Angus something, wouldn’t have such big shoes to fill."

The new Michael is named Chase Wright Vanek, who is not the kid (Angus T. Jones) from the hit CBS sitcom.

After two failed test screenings, the film was given a major overhaul, including but not limited to style and tone, direction, and cast.

[edit] The final cast (Unless Rob Zombie comes to his senses and brings you-know-who back)

[edit] Removal of the Halloween Theme

Another Rob Zombie stunt sparking the ire of Halloween fans everywhere is the rumors and hearsay suggesting that Rob has forgone the classic Halloween Theme by John Carpenter that has been used in every Halloween to date.

“I had to. It was just too musical. It was too musical before I fired Daeg, it was too musical when I went comedic, and it was still too musical when I went back to dark and gritty, after the test screenings sank like the Titanic. I am so sick of that "duh-nuh-nuh, duh-nuh-nuh, duh-nuh, duh-nuh" music that I could just scream. I hate everything to do with Halloween and I only involved myself in this horseshit franchise so I could make a quick buck and buy that new ’57 Chevy I’ve always wanted. That’s why I look up to John Carpenter so much. He doesn’t give two shits about Halloween, and he’s only in it for the money. So long, suckers!”

~ Rob Zombie on why he got rid of the Halloween Theme

Even the Weinsteins have been vocal about their disappointment. "It’s blasphemy," says Harvey Weinstein. "The Halloween Theme is as much a character as Michael Myers himself, but Rob Zombie is too insanely idiotic to realize it! Don’t tell Rob this. but Bob and I are thinking of secretly putting the theme back in behind Rob’s back. He’ll be so pissed, but it will be well worth it.'"

[edit] Trailers and TV spots

Daeg Faerch's Young Michael Myers reprise in the H2 trailer earns praise and prompts questions concerning Faerch's involvement in the actual movie.

On April 24, 2009, Yahoo! Movies premiered the official teaser trailer for H2. Despite all of the plot elements and new characters that are introduced in this trailer, nothing from it has gotten any more recognition than that of the appearance of Daeg Faerch as Young Michael, despite the fact that he had been recast due to the clash his height and puberty had on Rob Zombie’s inflated ego. As usual, Daeg received unanimously rave reviews while Chase Wright Vanek was largely ignored.

“What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the picture?”

~ Rick Moranis on being confused about Daeg Faerch’s "cameo"

“Excellent!”

~ Mr. Burns on Daeg Faerch

“Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!”

~ John Sebastian on Daeg Faerch

“Who the hell are you?!!”

~ The priest from Spaceballs on Chase Wright Vanek

“Who the fuck are you?”

~ Roger Daltrey on Chase Wright Vanek

“Damn you for letting him go...”

~ Charles Cyphers (to Rob Zombie) on Daeg Faerch

“The greatest performer ever to have graced this Earth!”

~ James Lipton on Daeg Faerch

“I believe that children are our future.”

~ Whitney Houston on being neutral in the Daeg vs. Chase debate

“That don’t impress me much.”

~ Shania Twain on Chase Wright Vanek and the Daeg recast controversy

“See it! In fact, see it twice!”

~ Richard Roeper on the H2 trailer and Daeg’s "cameo"
The second trailer features not Daeg Faerch, but Chase Wright (or Wrong) Vanek.

But even as the reviews for Faerch’s "cameo" came in, it was still unclear as to whether the young actor would be in the actual movie. Rumors circulated that Faerch would be superimposed over his "replacement" Chase Wright Vanek’s body [1]. Fans had reached a consensus ruling that Faerch’s head had been superimposed in the trailer in a similar manner. When word finally got to Rob Zombie in a Bloody-Disgusting interview [2], he announced that Faerch’s cameo was unintentional and a mistake.

“I didn't cut the trailer, this 14-year old kid in Wisconsin who lives with his parents cut it. These kids are prone to human error. The people who make the trailers are not the ones making the movie, so lots of weird little things will get in there by mistake. I am flattered and humiliated that people pay more attention to Daeg’s appearance than anything else in the trailer. What about Michael’s hoodie? Half-mask? Laurie in the hospital? But alas, I’ve learned my lesson well... Thou Shalt Not Recast... unless it works. I need a good kick in the ass, and Daeg is the person to give me it, because he is the true Young Michael Myers. Why didn’t I just make him a teenager instead of firing Daeg? What a bastard I am! I’ll kick my own ass! Daeg won’t be in H2 in any way, shape, or form, because why go through all that trouble! But then again I have a long history of going against my word, so who knows? Karma is a bitch.”

~ Rob Zombie on setting the record straight and finally admitting that he made a mistake when he fired Daeg

Zombie also noted that the trailer retains the dark, gritty, and edgy tone of the remake rather than the newly-adapted spoofy tone the film will now be using. "This is not a serious movie," he says. "I’ve hired Jerry and David Zucker, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, Mel Brooks, Drake Floyd, Akiva Goldsman, L. Ron Hubbard, Uwe Boll (who is inspired by the 1981 Halloween Atari video game), and Dominique Othenin-Girard to help me add a little flavor to the screenplay. I have no idea how to write comedy unless it’s somebody writing about my poor judgment or my courageous battle against my own ego... or I contradict myself. Now that’s comedy! The joke essentially writes itself." Unfortunately, Zombie has no idea that L. Ron Hubbard died in 1986.

Subsequent TV spots have shown more of Daeg Faerch’s cut scenes than anything else. Zombie still blames this on mistakes by that 14-year-old kid from Wisconsin. Daeg’s appearances have caused questions and confusion more than the DTV switch ever will.

On June 22, 2009, a brand new trailer was released showing different scenes. This trailer was highly praised by film critics as varied as Roger Ebert, Richard Roeper, Gene Shalit, longtime Halloween fan Howard Stern, Ben Lyons, Ben Mankiewicz, Peter Travers, Hugh Hefner, Stan Lee, Gene Simmons, and Bobcat Goldthwait. However, critics and fans alike were quick to point out their disappointment in the heartless absense of Daeg Faerch, but rather, his scenes were replaced with those of Chase Wright Vanek, causing a slight downgrade from the previous teaser trailer.

[edit] Test screenings and massive overhaul

Proof that Daeg would work better than Chase.

After test screening Halloween II in New York City and Los Angeles, the film scored worse than the test screenings for Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. Because of this, the Weinsteins forced Rob Zombie to make some dramatic changes. The film had to revert back to its original dark, gritty tone and feel. The pre-March 3 cast had to be rehired if it could be helped, but Rob was adamant about not bringing Daeg back. The Weinsteins even put Rob at gunpoint and threatened him to bring Daeg back, but he still didn’t oblige. Finally Harvey Weinstein said "Fine, bastard. If you don’t want Daeg back, it’s your loss, not ours. Oh, wait! Shit!"

Some actors refused to return if Rob wouldn’t let Daeg. "Even Sherri slammed the door in my face," Zombie says. "And Bill Moseley claimed his exit was due to 'scheduling conflicts', but I knew something was fishy. Tyler Mane flipped me the bird and bodyslammed me and told me he was too busy and that he would never come back without Daeg. Malcolm would have turned me down, too, because of Daeg, had he not needed the money to make A Clockwork Orange 2, or so he claims. Almost everybody deserted me and spat in my face. I feel like a complete and utter failure at the moment. I knew I needed Daeg back, but I don't want him back, because I'm an egotistical director who is turning myself into the laughingstock of Hollywood."

Ninety-eight percent of the film had to be reshot to satisfy fans’ wants, needs, and demands, much to Zombie’s dismay. "I hate the final cut," he says. "When you go to see this film, be prepared for disappointment, especially if you’re a Daeg fan."

[edit] Marketing, merchandise, promotions, and tie-ins

Dimension Films has announced a tie-in with McDonald's and has released three of the H2 Happy Meal toys. L-R: Young Michael Myers (in the likeness of Daeg Faerch), Adult Michael Myers, and Big Joe Grizzly.

Due to the overwhelming backlash that has resulted from the Daeg Faerch incident, Dimension Films has been trying to generate good publicity by way of marketing tactics that are quite unusual for an R-rated horror slasher sequel. First, Rob Zombie signed a book deal to have Philip K. Dick novelize the film, being a big fan of the author's work, "Especially Do Andriods Dream of Electric Sheep?," Zombie says. "I can't wait to see the first word he writes in the book. He's a fucking genius!"

He's also dead, which the Weinsteins were very much aware of, so they had to settle for a different author, Dan Brown, to novelize H2. "Rob Zombie is clueless," says Harvey Weinstein. "A lot of times, he has no idea who's alive and who's dead. Sometimes he forgets who dies in the film. Even worse, he keeps calling Michael Myers 'Jason'! So we usually have to remind him of certain things, and when he tries to get in touch with a dead guy he's a fan of and we break the news to him, he sobs like a little girl. In fact, when he tried to cast Boris Karloff as Laurie's grandfather, and found out that Karloff had been dead for years, he didn't get out of bed again for two days. Then the next day he tried recasting with Bela Lugosi. When Zombie found out that he was dead, too, he decided to settle with the next best thing, Martin Landau doing a Lugosi impression."

While the film's plot is currently unknown, the novel is to have an exclusive plot twist. After suspecting that the Catholic Church has been covering up a deep dark secret about Michael Myers, Dr. Loomis recruits Robert Langdon to help him crack codes invented by Andy Warhol and Jackson Pollock before the Church and Michael Myers silence them forever. "None of that happens in the movie," Zombie says. "Other than that, though, it's exactly like the movie, but without the actors or music."

The new H2 video game, available August 25, 2009, will be available for Xbox 360, Playstation 3, and Nintendo Wii... and as a bonus comes with its own knife controller for playing Michael Myers! Rated M for Mature.

On March 19, 2009, subliminal messages were inserted into episodes of NBC's My Name Is Earl, Kath & Kim, The Office, and 30 Rock. As a bonus, a TV spot for Star Trek featured James T. Kirk (Chris Pine) with his face rendered to resemble Michael Myers. Unfortunately, nobody was home to watch; they all ate out at Hooters Restaurant.

On April 14, 2009, Dimension Films announced a controversial tie-in deal with McDonald's Happy Meals. Though the full line of toys has yet to be completed, three of the toys were unveiled -- Michael Myers, Young Michael Myers (in the likeness of Daeg Faerch rather than "replacement" Chase Wright Vanek), and surprisingly Big Joe Grizzly, a character played by Ken Foree in a cameo in the 2007 film; this character was killed off and his coveralls were stolen by Michael and does not appear in H2. "There were a few marketing mistakes," Zombie says. "They based the Young Michael on Daeg, they have a Joe Grizzly figure, and one of the Happy Meal boxes has a picture of Donald Pleasence in one of the corners. That same box, I think, has on the front, that picture I didn't approve with the half-masked Michael! I mean Donald Pleasence and a half-mask? What is wrong with these people? Have they not seen the actual movie?? I'm baffled!" These Happy Meal toys, as well as the as-yet-unfinished ones, will be sold with every Happy Meal during the month of August until the film's release.

On August 25, 2009, three days before the film's release, a tie-in video game will be released for Xbox 360, Playstation 3, and Nintendo Wii. Each version of the game comes with a bonus knife controller for playing Michael Myers, or you can use the regular controller for playing characters such as Laurie, Loomis, Annie, Sheriff Brackett, Deborah Myers, Uncle Seymour Coffins, or Young Michael Myers. All characters are in the likeness of the actors originally slated for the roles before Daeg Faerch got the cut. "This game," Rob Zombie says, "is supposed to convey my original vision, which I had to change due to circumstances beyond my control. This game is exactly what the film would have been had I not recast Daeg and everybody else. This game will obviously make more money than the film ever will unless I get off my lazy ass and bring the original actors back for reshoots, especially Daeg. Daeg is everybody's deciding factor on whether they see the film or not. Some will bail out completely; others will see the film and feel guilty for it. I can't help Daeg's maturity; all I can do is use it against him like any hack director should, recast the role with a much inferior actor, and see the film flop like Gigli. But at least I'll have some money from tie-ins and merchandise." All of the actors who were originally slated for this film but ultimately recast, were allowed to lend their voices and likenesses to this video game.

[edit] Reception

Hundreds of thousands of Daeg fans form an army and riot outside of the Weinstein Company building in Hollywood on the night of March 3, 2009.

Although the film will not be released until August 28, 2009 the film has already suffered from an overwhelmingly negative reception ever since Daeg Faerch's tragic and unfortunate recast, all because of said recast. The first of several protests, riots, and/or bonfires started on the night of March 3, almost immediately after Faerch had confirmed his exit. An army of hundreds of thousands of Daeg fans made customized picket signs and T-shirts, and marched the streets of Hollywood chanting "WE WANT DAEG!!! WE WANT DAEG!!! WE WANT DAEG!!!! WE WANT MOTHERCFUCKING DAEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" causing chaos and panic for citizens who were unaware of the Anti-Recast Movement. Two and a half people were arrested, and five were half-arrested. Nobody was injured except for a bloody-nosed Rob Zombie, who was bound and gagged with a sign saying "Damn you for letting him go."

Other assaults soon followed, and the Weinsteins felt pressured to bring Faerch back. They tried forcing Rob to bring the young actor back, but he was adamant. "Daeg doesn't fucking work anymore! Can't you get that through your thick head?" The Weinsteins have off and on threatened to fire Rob, and dammit, they should, if only because of this Daeg incident. Meanwhile, Harvey Weinstein keeps telling fans, "We're looking into it. Whatever Rob had that made Halloween such a great film, he ain't got it no more. [sic] He seriously needs to get his ass back on track and bring back what made the first film such a success -- Daeg Faerch. We, the Weinstein Company, will not support this film until this error is corrected; either way, we're still contractually obligated to release the movie, so we can't just burn the reel. I wish we would have canceled the movie after Daeg was recast; maybe that would have taught Mr. Slob Zombie a fucking lesson. Asshole..."

[edit] Broadway musical?

Rob Zombie has hinted at the possibility of turning H2 into a Broadway musical. "Well, it would have to depend on whether the film is a success or not. If I were to do an H2 musical, I don't know what direction I would take it... my original gritty tone or the over-the-top, overblown spoof-fest that we adapted when we hit a casting snag. Either way, I'd like to see Daeg in the musical. He's the only one who should play young Michael Myers, yet I'm too caught up in my ego to realize that. I do know, however, that my musical would not be Andrew Lloyd Webber with a Shatner mask! It's not gonna be Cats, Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, or The Lion King!" he laughs. "Yeah, Michael Myers (Alan Cumming) chasing after Nathan Lane as Loomis and Kristin Chenoweth as Laurie! Now, there's a Tony Award winner right there!"

While Zombie keeps making jokes about it and shrugging it off, other people connected to the movie have gone into detail about the hypothetical musical:

“It wouldn't be some super-gay 1930s musical of any sort! It would be closer to Little Shop of Horrors, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Sweeney Todd, or Priscilla Queen of the Desert, some real fucked up shit like that. It would be the musical to end all musicals; the greatest fucking musical ever!”

~ Jim Steinman on the potential H2 musical

“I never say never, but it would have to be very, very different.”

~ Harvey Weinstein on an H2 musical

“What, and piss on the Halloween name?”

~ Moustapha Akkad's ghost on a Halloween musical

“How much?”

~ John Carpenter on anything Halloween-related

If, by chance, the musical becomes a reality, Zombie predicts that it will come out "some time in 2012 after my Myerless H3, which I vow never to do, comes out, starring Tom Atkins!"

[edit] See Also

[edit] Related UnNews

[edit] External links

369693 Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Retrieved from "http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Halloween_II_(2009_film)"
Personal tools
on Uncyclopedia