Ham
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This page is a disampiguation page. For the competitive eating team see Ham (West and East Ham)
This page covers (not so wonderfully) the delicious pork product superior to spam, that can't be used for cookies or any other prodect that comes from uranus
“Dump the Hams!”
~ Anonymous German Child
Pork product. Delicious. Superior to SPAM in that it's probably some form of meat.
Cannot be used to pay for cookies.
“This isn't money! This is ham! You can't pay for cookies with ham!”
Ham was created when Mogroth, Lord of Pork(also creator of the mighty "Spork",thats right kids.the "Spork" was created by Mogroth, Lord of Pork,creater of the "Spork"), was struck with a bronze stake in the thigh by Oranos in a drunken rage. Mogroth fell to the earth in pain and let out a deafening squeal, and his thigh exploded into millions of pigs. Thus, humanity was given pork. Shortly after which they learned how to bake food, thus creating ham. Man found ham to be a dangerous gift. When in the wrong hands, ham brings amazingly destructive power to the user. A description of such power I dare not share, lest a naughty idea noodle it's way out of your heads.
HAM, Hassidic Activists for Marijuana is a Washington, D.C. based organization of Hassidic Rastafarians.
Ham, on the chart of elements, is listed as Ha and contains five dozen electrons, three protons, two photons, six bacons and a central nervous system.
Ham can be seen in the wild but only with the usage of highly sophisticated equipment that detects Ham Waves. An example of such equipment is the ham radio which detects Ham Waves at frequencies modulating between 5 and 678.2 (exchange rates may vary).
If you do encounter some ham, isolate it with orange highway cones and call the police immediately.
Ham can be used to prevent server crashes, particularily spliral cut for increased Nuclear capabilities.
Ham can cure cases of the Invisible Pink Unicorn.
Ham is the lesser of two evils, the other being Crow. They both must exist to keep the order of our universe, and to sate the pantheon of Gods who "think" us to existence.
[edit] Farkers
All members of the cult group Fark are required upon entering to eat a 47 pound ham by themselves in one sitting.
