Ham radio

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Two types of modern ham radio: a home unit and a portable system
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Ham radio, also known as meat bashing, is a hobby enjoyed by about 3 million people worldwide. A ham radio operator, also known as a hammer, uses a series of complex circuity and control knobs to bring out the wave function property of ham to allow communication to other hammers.


Ham radio was invented by a woman named Mrs. H. T. T. Pig, and ever since its creation ham radio has been used to benefit society in more ways than the average slab of meat could have ever imagined possible. Ham radio enthusiasts have made significant contributions to poverty, fetal death rate, the global economy and even CO2 emissions (although steps are being taken to manufacture a more fuel efficient ham). Ham radio has also helped the Nazis come to power, this friendship paying off when Adolf Hitler named his firstborn son Rudolf Hamler.

Ham radio activities and practices[edit]

The main activity associated with ham radio is nailing (or tapping), whereby the ham is gently caressed, and lavished in honey, causing minute vibrations that allow it to break Newton's definitive law of reality. Although little is known about this procedure, ham experts assure us that anything is possible with protein strands that long!

Another little known, but largely practiced procedure is the carving of the ham, where, it is believed, devout hammers gather together and each carve off a piece of their own flesh. They then join each of these carvings to form their own (poorly constructed) ham radio. The ham of which is classed as medium rare, as it is common for the flesh to still be bleeding at this point. This can then be sold in shops for a marginal profit, or used in a practical joke to make Americans in 1938 believe aliens are invading. Hamming is extremely popular amongst truck drivers for unknown reasons. Scientists believe that truck drivers use hamming as a sort of echo-location, seeing as most truck drivers are legally blind.

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WARNING: The theories and ideas expressed in the article Ham are in no way connected to any views, or facts, expressed or otherwise implemented within this article.