“I don't think you're happy enough. That's right!”
“I am totally euphoric right now!”
Happy was invented by the Easter Bunny so that Cupid would stop moaning about how everybody loves Easter more than Valentines Day; it is also the state when Jesus walked the earth... despite all that killing and stuff. Now we live in a sub-happy level until Jesus comes back to life.
According to all the Black Pastors and Reverends, no one is happy now, or that's what they tell us with a big smile on their faces. On the other hand, the white churches tell us that black people are clearly trying to put evil thoughts into your mind and that everyone is, in fact, happy. That last statement is usually said while the Reverend holds a gun to your head yelling threats about how "Sissy's like you get treated in Hell". And finally, the government tells you that you would be happy later if it wasn't for the terrorists that clearly want to destroy any traces of happiness.
Other Jesus-produced-happiness levels
No matter how funny it was, masturbating was not the only technique Jesus used to get the Virgin Mary happy. On odd occasions Jesus would go for a little nude sunbathe to get the Virgin Mary cheerful, other times he would do a cumshot to make people horny, and once he even fired all out a hundred kilometers, that caused the whole of Jerusalem to have multiple creampies in a matter of minutes. Even the nuns were covered in sperm.
Though of course this account is not true but might make you smile?
Philosophers have worked out that happiness doesn't matter, except John Stuart Mill, who couldn't recognize good philosophy if it kicked his teeth in. Some philosophers even think happiness is evil. Religion thinks these "philosophers" are evil. There is a lot of evil and they manage to make no happiness. The Beatles think that Happiness is a Warm Gun.