Happy-land is situated in western South America (or possibly southern West America) and has often been critically acclaimed for its long sandy beaches and wildlife.
- 1 General Infomation
- 2 Quick Facts
- 3 People
- 4 Government
- 5 History
- 6 Rumours
- 7 The Grand Order of Smiling Woodchucks
- 8 Geography
- 9 Happyland Philosophy
- 10 Sports
- 11 Religion
- 12 Famous Places
- 13 Economy
- 14 Industry
- 15 Primary Exports
- 16 Primary Imports
- 17 Happyland inventions
- 18 Also known as
- 19 Also Also known as (as a result of surveys)
- 20 Steve Sunby
- 21 Famous Happy-land Books
The Country of Happy-land is approximately 210 sq miles and whilst most of the land is taken up by human settlements, areas to the north have been converted into nature reserves, the most famous being "Happy Happy Habitats" which gets on average 2 million visitors per year. These reserves contain every single creature deemed "happy" by the population of Happy-land. Happy-land is unique when compared to other countries because the sky is constantly changing colour in a kaleidoscope fashion. Dark Sunglasses are dispersed on arrival.
- Area: 210 square miles of happiness
- Currency: The Happenny (10 Happennys in a Smile)
- Government: None (See Government)
- Language: English - The happiest language in the world.
- Legal system: None - Since everyone is happy there has been no crime.
- Life Expectancy: 120 years of non-stop happiness
- Major Exports: Happiness (in small doses), Love, Wooplung Fur, Prozac
- Highest Peak: Blest Box - 800m
- Accessibility: Many ways in and out, but only one has a firework show.
- Continent: South America.
- Twinned with: Euthanasia, People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata, Sydney, Welsh Congo, Greenland, Rastanesia, Valhalla & Mordor
The people of Happyland are gods among men. Their sheer ability to be happy for 25 hours a day shows that they are at one with the true essence of Happyland. The Happylandians are excellent craftsmen, and are envied all over the world for their carpentry skills. From the historical records that we still have, it seems that Happyland-founder Steve Sunby was something of a carpenter himself, and the Happylandians have tried to keep with his glorious image. See: Pinokkio & the Smileans. The residents of Happy-Land (or the Happy-Landish as they like to be called), believe themselves to be happier than anyone else on the entire planet. You see, all feelings of sadness, worry, doubt, anger, distress, and all other negative emotions were banned in 1940 after the Great Era of Slightly Less Happiness. If a citizen of Happy-Land is found expressing any emotion besides that of happiness, they are executed by means of a Killing machine they call Pinokkio... but he wears a peppy smiley-face mask whilst doing the deed, so it is all A-Okay. Not one single Happy-landian has ever committed a crime, worse than Not-smiling, which is just a misdemeanor (How the fuck do you spell that? Oops, sorry. Ooooooooooooommmmmmm). A fact that is NOT to be judged by the fact that there is no government or police force to keep crime down. Facts and Figures from the Group for the Restraint of Illegal Naughtiness (GRIN) that are released daily suggest that the Crime Rate is indeed 0,0000000.
Famous Happylandians include:
- Steve Sunby - Founder.
- Jane Austen - Whilst writing Pride & Prejudice.
- Charlie Bucket - After his 6th liver failure caused by excessive chocolate eating.
- Harry Potter - After Book 7: Harry Potter & The Wild Years.
- Lord Voldemort - After starring in his own successful book series.
- Tony Blair - Accepted into Happy-land because of his smile. Booted out after everyone realised what a prat he was.
- Screaming Lord Sutch - Direct Male Line Descendant of Steve Sunby.
- Bill Gates - Invested heavily in the carpentry business and became the world's first Trillionaire.
- Team America - After their 29th Movie: When will the world have less terrorists?
- Kim Jong Il - A big fan of Cinema. Have you ever seen a picture of him not smiling?
- Bob Ross - Could never get the "Happy trees" out of his head.
- Nelis - also called Krelis. Mayor of the Jordaan (Amsterdam)
Happy-land is a non-governmental state, and has been so since "The Great Era of Slightly Less Happiness" which lasted from 1929 until 1939. This era must not be confused with "The Great Depression" of North America which happened at a similar time. At the end of "The Great Era of Slightly Less Happiness" the Government of Happy-Land came up with the ideal solution. Taking into account that nobody in Happy-land actually liked the government, and combining it with the statistics that exactly 0% of the population had turned up at the last 53 elections, the entire governmental board, which comprised of 3 men, 2 women, and one Wooplung, committed "mass" suicide.
The country of Happy-land has been an non-governmental state ever since, with people doing whatever they feel like.
Note that during "The Great Era of Slightly Less Happiness" the future King of Unhappy-land was exiled to that island due to complaining about the slight downturn in happiness.
After the so-called 'fallen up' Last Government, once in a while, as a tadition and a tribute to Steve Sunby, and only when they are happy about it, an election is held to form a government. The one and final purpose of this government is to sit back and do nothing. The second main goal is to abolish itself. Everything is done to make & keep them happy and they do all they can (which is as little as possible) to keep the Happylandeans happy. When there are any problems They issue proclamations like: 'Don't worry, be happy' or: 'Let's solve things merrily' and then they abolish the government. They sit back, fire themselves 'let it all happen', let the people straighten it out for themselves and plan new elections in a year or so. primary goal it is to abolish itself. see also: Soap Bubble-Governments.
Although the origins are shrouded in mystery & controversy, Historians now grudgingly agree that: Happy-land was founded in 1784 by Steve Sunby, who later knighted himself "Sir 'Smiling' Steve Sunby". Because Steve couldn't read or write, there are no historical documents from the time other than a few English newspaper headlines:
- "Sunby Finds Country of Happiness Whilst Under the Influence of Liccorice!"
- "Idiot Starts New Colony!"
- "'Happy-land will fail,' Scientists Say!"
- "Scientists Retract Criticism After Happy-Land Visit!"
- "Happy-Land Population Explosion Overnight!"
The first law set down by Steve Sunby was that everyone was to wear a brightly coloured hat to signify their happiness and to show their patriotism to Happy-Land. This law was changed in 1790 after several residents joyfully complained about tourists laughing at their headgear. Some allergic reactions to the bright colours were also documented, and in 1800, the final change was made. That law is currently upheld today. Instead of wearing the "Happy-Hat" everyday, it is to be only worn once a year on "Happy-Hat Day" on the 17th July, which is, consequently, also Steve Sunby's birthday.
After the first laws were set down, Steve Sunby and the first residents (a retired war veteran and a retired war veterinarian) began to build a settlement that would later be known as "Grinville." The first building was the Casino, because all residents concluded that it was the happiest place they could think of at the time. Of course, all of the fruit machines and roulette tables were rigged so that the player would win no matter what. This "rigging" led to some very confusing, but ultimately (when they changed the odds to 55/45 in favour of the house) happy games of poker and blackjack between residents, with no losers, but only winners.
After Happy-Land became increasingly popular, more houses were built around Grinville, and the addition of a town hall and the world's first cinema were added. An extremely joyous uproar was caused, however, when several inported film strips which were thought to contain Shirley Temple movies, were switched with various pornographic features. Some of the more critically acclaimed pornos include "Lick My Good Ship Lollypop" and "Horny, Sweet Ass Milfs (SAMs)Go Down Under."
Some renown Happyland watchers uphold the theory that Steve Sunby was NOT the true founder of Happy-land. Although he was the outward spokesman of the Happyland concept, everything he did was organized by a group of 'Illuminati' as they call it. They state that the real Happyland is much older than mister Sunby's and there are and have even been many many Happy Lands ('like Jewels upon the Sea')in time and space. These experts do not deny Steve Sunby his carpentry skills. They recognise the fact that he was a magnificent sculptor and builder and that many a happy tree has under his hands been transformed into a wonderful piece of furniture. They further claim, that, under the guidance of his Teachers, Steve Sunby was the person who created Pinokkio and then sent this tragic nitwit into the world to make people aware of their unhappiness. None of these propositions have been sustained by fact, but it is true that Since those times, until the Eternal Happiness Generator, no other attempts were made to solve the problems that were ravaging the country. The period between Pinokkio and the EHG is also known as the Most slightly Less Happy Years,
The Grand Order of Smiling Woodchucks
When the (alleged) founder of Happy Land, Steve Sunby, soon became so happy that we would now call it catatonic dementia praecox and therefore unable to 'rule' Happy land, a battle of minds broke out within the country and although it started on happy terms, Pretty soon the discussion started to grow ugly & threaten the happiness of the people. Therefore it was decided that elections would take place, and to anyones surprise a strong majority voted for the fanatic religious 'Smileans'. The Smileans (or smilees) were until then always regarded as a special kind of clowns, with their hats and ridiculous smiley-masks, always good for a laugh, but when they were chosen to parliament things changed.
Strict rules on how to show your happiness were installed. First the coloured hats and later the masks (They even tried to make everyone wear funny day-glo shoes with lights flashing, but it was too costly and the people murmured). Nobody could leave their house without wearing them. They now call it eufemistically The 'Slightly Less Happy Years', but it is nearer to the truth to state that after a number of chaotic elections and dito administrations, the country, and indeed all of its outposts and therefore the whole world, was on the verge of plunging into a devastating civil war, which would automatically annihilate the very core of Happylands' existence and leave the rest of the world in a barren and unhappy state. There were many factions then: Smileans, The Happy Few, Happy Days, Happy All the Time... this all is history and we all know the story of Happy-land's Last Government and how they decided to aim at abolishing itself.
Less is known about the issues that were at stake leading to this decision and the filosophy behind it. We see now only people with funny hats and preposterous masks shouting and running through the streets or chasing each other around tables,shaking with indignity and we shrug our shoulders and say yeah yeah, Happy-land...! But we mustn't forget that what really saved them (and us all) was the invention of the Eternal Happiness Generator, which was a remarkable technological feat, thought up by the (scientific) Practical Happiness Party, aided by the Love for Wisdom faction.
The Geography of Happy-land is quite confusing, because as far as people can tell, it contains every single climate there can possibly be.
The eastern areas of Happy-land are Tropical Moist, which extends to a small forest of about 2 sq miles. This is contrasted by the central areas of Happy-land, which are Wet-Dry Tropical and although this area gets less rain, for some reason Laughing Lake has always been full with fresh water. The areas to along the west coast, where Blissful Beach is situated have a Dry Tropical Tendency, and hardly get any rainfall, which is why (scientists hypothsize) the beach has always been covered with soft sand.
The areas to the North can be separated into 4 main climate groups, but not set areas. Instead, the 4 types of climate intermingle with each other so by walking across the top of Happy-land you might well pass through several hundred climate changes.
The 4 climates are as follows:
Dry Midlatitude Mediterranean,
Dry Midlatitude and
Moist Continental. *
The variation in climate makes this an ideal location for "Happy Happy Habitats" the most popular nature reserve in Happy-land.
To the south of Happy-land lie the lowlands of Happy-land, which, although at heights less than sea level, have Highland and Mountainous, but also temperate climates. This area of Happy-land is populated with snow boarders and skiers, who enjoy the colder life, except when it gets warmer for then they are happy with that too, naturally. Between the highlands and the lowlands are the inbetweenlands, and they are close to the outlands more inward. Thanks also to their Fluid Border Technology one is never quite certain about his or her whereabouts, so that's why the saying goes: 'You never know untill you do."
* The 4th climate is not mentioned because it is regarded by meteorologists to be too strange to have a name.
Come rain or shine, through work & play
they smile & dance, happy all day.
This is (still) one of their favourite songs:
happy happy happy all the time time time'.
(which would be a much better quotation than those crooked attempts at false *#*= >-(!!!:((literary))-->-((.'..' anyhow:
The Philosophy of Happy Land has a little known, but very long and deep rooted tradition, always carefully hidden from the Unhappy christian and other Churchfathers or allied tyrant usurpators(See: 'the History of Happy Land) Also, they play a small but important role in the world economy. They have no standing army, but they like playing with toys.
In an unspoken agreement, they understand that happiness is not the same for everybody and sometimes happiness involves fighting for happiness. The reason for this is, they say, that people sometimes mistake unhappiness for happiness and vice versa, which of course could endanger the happiness of others who have a different opinion about happiness/unhappiness.. but they understand that every child is a new creature, that has to expand and explore its possibilities and that, if it is inhibited too much, even by happiness, it will rebel and thereby cause unrest in communities. They also know that change and freedom of movement is essential to happiness, unless it is seen differently by another individual, in which case interaction takes place. The process brings change, and the first goal of the 'chosen' or 'fallen up' rulers of Happy Land is of course to sit back and let it all happen.
Not many of the Happylanders will let their happiness be disturbed by the opinions of people living in countries that cannot claim to be part of The Confederation of Happy Lands, although it makes them happy to think that the fewer unhapiness there is, the happier everyone will be. That's why the intelligence services of the country have open doors ((except in the winter when it's cold, you have to then push the handle and please wipe your shoes before you enter, for you might never come out again.).
It is therefore a mistake to regard the inhabitants of Happy Land as a soft, naive and childlike people who are to be looked down upon as simpletons by the Unhappylanders. No. They are alive and alert. Every one has her or his own road to walk, his/her own work to do or not do, as he or she pleases. The people are alert, and they sleep well. They live their lives in happiness. Why scorn them?
The national sport of Happy-land is Smiling (S1) because it releases En-Dolphins around the body and brings on a general high level of happiness. The 51st annual "Sir Smiling Steve Sunby Smiling Sporting Skirmish" (S7) ended in tragedy when 34 of the contestants were rushed to hospital with "Severe Smiling Strain" (S3). Since this unfortunate event (which was 65 years ago) the S7 has had no other casulties, thanks to the 1st S7 Rule Ammendment, which states:
- All participants in S7 must be over the age of 5 and younger than the age of 60 to avoid S3.
- There must be a 20 minute break for "Smiling Stress Situitive Strain Surgery" (S5) every 2 hours of smiling to reduce the risk of S3, and to greatly reduce the risk of "Sudden Smiling Stress Stroke" (S4), which can happen at any time in the competition.
- Any participant who does not "Stop Smiling" (S2) when a S5 is declared will be disqualified, and have an immediate evacuation to a nearby "Super Sexy Sunby Style Smiling Shrink" (S6) and examined for S4 and S3.
- Anyone who believes a S6 has been unfair in a judgement after a S2 has been declared, will be checked by another S6 for hidden signs of S4 and S3.
- S5 is no S1 matter, and must be taken seriously at all times.
Unfortunately, popularity for Smiling has dropped in recent years, and in South West Happy-land, the main sport is now Hattrick. This new sport is quickly gaining momentum all over Happy-land, and the first National Hattrick Tournament starts in 2006.
Obviously, the main religion of Happy-land is Smilology, and its beliefs are that that Sir Smiling Steve Sunby is a prophet sent from the "Great Smile" in the Sky. It has only one commandment, which is to be upheld at every possible moment in the day:
- Thou Shalt Smile!
The commandment was carved into a stone tablet many years ago and is kept at the top of Blest Box, where it can be viewed by anyone devout enough to smile in the face of such power.
- Blessed Box - A mysterious box that lies in the center of Grinville. Legend has it that it contains Steve Sunby's last smile.
- Blest Box - Not to be confused with Blessed Box, Blest Box is actually a 800m hill that overlooks Grinville. When Steve S. reached the Hyper-Happy state, he spent the remaining years of his life there as the first "Fool on The Hill".
- Blissful Beach - The longest, most sandiest stretch of coastline in the World.
- Cheerful City - The Capital City of Happy-land, always full of smiling people.
- Chirpy Cathedral - Located in Cheerful City, this Cathedral was erected for worship in the Happyanity Religion.
- Content Cave - A huge cave on the coast of Blissful Beach, it contains some pre-historic cave "smilies".
- Delighted Deep - The water that expands out from Blissful Beach, which although deep, is delighted to have you swim in it.
- Ecstatic Estuary - Where Reckless River meets Delighted Deep.
- Elated Etching Works - The most famous Happy-Land export of etchings is made here.
- Exultant Exit - There are many roads out of Happy-land, but only this Exit has flashing lights and a goodbye song sung by puppets!
- Fantastic Forest - Also known as The Wonderful Woods
- Gay Gulch - Lots of super happy magical things happen here.
- Glad Gardens - Full of fauna, fun, and...fauna
- Gleeful Graffiti - A whole wall dedicated to graffiti artists. So popular the wall is made longer every year.
- Happy Highlands - with echoes of laughter.
- Intoxicated Island - A small island off the coast of Happy-land, the atmosphere there is breathable...but with some side effects.
- Joyous Junction - Although Happy-land has been car-free since 1984 this junction is a major tourist attraction.
- Laughing Lake - A small but beautiful lake in the middle of Happy-land. It is bordered by the Merry Meadows.
- Merry Meadows - The name speaks for itself.
- Mirthful Molehill - This was made from a mountain. Naturally the mole is quite pleased.
- Pleasing Pastures - Located in the center of the Merry Meadows, these pastures are the home to hundreds of happy horses.
- Satisfied Statue - A statue of the founder of happy-land, Sir "Smiling" Steve Sunby.
- Wonderful Woods - Also known as The Fantastic Forest.
You pay ten Happennies with A smile
The Happylandeans are known to laugh all the way to the bank.
The main industry in Happyland is turning frowns upside down. But nobody ever has to get up early for it, nor is there ever a commute.
- Wooplung Fur
- Happiness (in small doses)
- Blissful Beach Sand
- Big Rocks
- Bolivian Tree Llama Fur
- Bolivian Tree Llamas
- iPods (lately, this part of the industry is under reexamination).
- Puppets of Mess Destruction
- Useless articles
- air & sunlight
- Cheese graters
- Little Rocks& Stones
- Animals deemed to be "happy" (see: radioactive carrots)
- Radical Scientists
- Eternal Happiness Generator
- Breaking Casino Games
- Fixing Casino Games
- Fluid Border Technology
Also known as
- Happy Land
- Happy Coast
- The Democratic People's Republic of Happy-Land
- Hyper Happy-Land
- "You know I once went there and felt happy"
- The United State of Hapiness
- (a) State of Mind - (Mind is a country that encompasses the whole universe)
Also Also known as (as a result of surveys)
- That place over there
- Never heard of it
- Happy? Happy?!? More like HELL
- Sorry could you repeat the question, I wasn't listening
- "The Happiest Place on Earth"
- F*ck off and stop asking me these f*cking questions!
- The new Iraq
- Excuse me? Did you say something?
- Your Happy Face
Where did we go astray?
- 17 July 1764 (?) Born in ..../ as Stephen Moon Sunby
- 1784 Foundation of Happyland.
- 1792 (?) Creation and release on the world of Pinokkio
- 1801 Steve Sunby reaches the Hyper-Happy Holy Holiday-stage and becomes 'The Fool on the Hill'
- 18?? Stevie dies with a smile on his face. Legend tells us that his body kind of evaporated until only his smile was left, which is untill this day kept hidden in The Blessed Box, but as Lewis Caroll points out in 'The Horrible Nightmare':
"Why don't you leave my G*D* cat out of this!!!"
Pinokkio and the Smileans
What was the purpose of this dreadful wooden Robot that only much later, when the gruesome memories had faded, could turn into a harmless childrens book character? Few people nowadays still recall that Pinokkio was a telepathic Lie-Detection device that was sent travelling through Happyland asking people questions. Whenever he caught anyone not telling the truth, his sharp pointed nose would be thrust out like a spear at the liar, to pierce him in any part of the body, in correspondance to the gravity of his or her lie.
Could he not have foreseen, that Happiness would not be stimulated by these events? It makes the mystery regarding Steve Sunby and his shadowy group of teachers even greater. Even more so if we consider the sudden rise in the 1790's of a fanatic religious movement known as the Smileans aka Smilees, although their official name is: The Happiest Happyland Grand & Infinitely Happy Order of Happy Smiling Woodchucks. Although at the moment this sect is practically non-existent, at the end of the 18th century, Their power and influence were such, that when Steve Sunby became unable to rule Happyland after reaching the state of Hyper-Happiness, they were to be elected as the first democratic government of (see comments on:)Happy-land), which turned into a reign of terror. They worshipped Pinokkio the Woodchuck *), but as nobody was allowed to see his face due to his secret mission, they wore 'Smiley'-masks and brightly coloured hats. After their rise to power, they made the whole population wear them.
- ) see also: He of Many Faces
The Eternal Happiness Generator (EHG)
Although the Eternal Happiness Generator was created in 19.., the groundwork for this extraordinary artefact was of course laid down by Steve Sunby under the directions of his Laughing Teachers.
Famous Happy-land Books
- Happy-land & You! - Germaine Grinner
- 1000 poems of Happy-land - Oscar Wilde
- Harry Potter and the School Trip to Happy-land - J.K. Rowling
- Talk to the Trees - Author Unknown
- The Hitchhikers Guide to Happy-land - HHG Series
- Happy Like Me - John Howard Griffin, Robert Bonazzi
- The Idiot's Guide to Sex in Happy Land- Howard Stern
- 'Close to the Edge', by D. G. Nerate
- 'The Woody Woodpecker Code', by Dan Frown. (Was Walt Disney one in an ancient line of Grand Masters of the Smiling Teachers and Woody Woodpecker really another name for Pinokkio, ('He of the many disguises')? Fact is, that Pinokkio only came out under its own name AFTER the death of Walt Disney.)
- 'Pinokkio and the Antichrist', A Smilean view of the Happycalypse