Harmonica

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Deadly.

A Harmonica is a weapon of mass destruction, developed during the Cold War era, similar in structure and effect to an atomic bomb. However, when dropped from the correct altitude then the air passing through it can create a pleasing sound to hear. There are several skilled pilots who are capable of performing some of the world’s greatest pieces of music whilst carrying out their objective. The Japanese found the Harmonica to be a more successful way of fighting a war then to drop themselves out of planes.


First Uses of the Harmonica[edit]

“When I composed 'Symphony for the Devil', I didn't expect it to be performed on the Harmonica...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Music

Developed by Hans Christian Anderson, in a small village in Germany, whilst he was on an new diet comprising entirely of Sausages and Crack Cocaine. When originally tested as a missile based weapon, it was noticed that only hideously annoying and dull sounds could be produced, each of which had a promenant Irish accent (these musical atrocities later made up the back catalogue of the band 'U2'). Thus Anderson redesigned the MWMD (Musical Weapon of Mass Destruction) to be dropped from a bomber.

The Many Songs of the MWMD[edit]

The major skill required in producing pleasing tones from the MWMD is that the pilot must maintain a specific altitude and speed when the harmonica is dropped, otherwise the doomed individuals bellow will be subject to the wailings of a pretentious irish man. For example:

4 Knots/ 25,000 ft- Bon Jovi 'Living on a Prayer'

2.5 knots/ 30,000ft- Beethoven ' Für Elise'

8.9929192291949395 Knots/ 12768.667 ft-Britney Spears 'Hit Me Baby One More Time'

Capture of the harmonica by Ann Summers[edit]

In June 2003, the owner of Ann Summers, John Henry Rea purchased the copyright for the Harmonica from Mr Anderson for their summer advertising campaign. Since then, the WMD has been transformed into a form of vibrating tool aimed for single women to pleasure themselves when they are not getting any. Ann Summers are currently working on a special edition harmonica dildo, that plays tunes whilst vibrating. Their advertising campaign is front by Queen of Pop, Margaret Thatcher.