Harry Belafonte

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Harry Belafonte was awsome before you were born.
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia think they have an article about Harry Belafonte.

Harry Belafonte was a famous calypso singer in the days when you didn't exist and your parents hardly remember. He is perhaps best known for being the calypso frontman of Creedence Clearwater Revival for one month in 1984. He is now the leader of a huge political movement in America, calypso. He is the president and founder of the American Calypso Party, a group of Caribbean immigrants who have nothing to do with anything. The fact that you even stumbled across this article is an amazing feat in itself. Who the hell is Harry Belafonte anyway?


Belafonte was born in some place in the Carribean when your grandparents were doing the Charleston. Belafonte was influenced by shitty reggae music in his early life, but eventually settled on calypso music, the kind that Bob Marley doesn't sing.

Creedence Clearwater Revival[edit]

In 1983, the Miami Hurricanes won their first ever National Championship. CCR's calypso singer at the time, Sebastian the Ibus (Best known as the mascot for the Hurricanes) unexpectedly left the band to return to Miami, ending a 9 year run with the band.

John Fogerty looked desperatley for a calypso frontman in early 1984, but to no avail. When Belafonte released his hit single, Day-O, Fogerty noticed his talents and Belafonte was recruited by the band.

In an infamous 3-week stay, Belafonte had the shortest experience with the band than any other person in the history of everything. After a few days of practice, drummer Ben Stein noted that he was no longer interested in performing with the band and wished to go solo in acting. A Cowboy, the group's bassist, also wished to begin an acting career with his brand new time machine. A flustered Fogerty decided it would be best to disband the band(Haha).

Stein became a hit boring person and the Cowboy successfully went back in time and starred in many Western specials. Belafonte teamed up with Fogerty and began successful political careers as right-wing hotheads.


Political Leanings[edit]

Belafonte is a self-described right-wing extremist, supporting such things including the Vietnam War and President Bush. He was a strong believer in the 2003 Invasion of Iraq. He sided mostly with the Republican side of the conflict and won a bid for governor of North Cuba. By 2006, Belafonte cemented himself with the likes of Ronald Reagan, George Bush, and everything against Al Gore. He is now a supporter of gay execution.

Musical Leanings[edit]

Belafonte is a self-described Kinks fan, his favorite songs being "Strangers" and that "Girl" song, he doesn't remember the name. He was a big fan of the 2003 Kinks reunion tour. He sided mostly with Ray Davies on the conflict within the band and won a celebrity raffle to introduce the band to the crowd. By 2006, Belafonte cemented himself with the likes of Pete Townshend, Ray Davies, and everything against Janis Joplin. He is now a roadie for the Kinks.

Physical Leanings[edit]

Belafonte is a self-described car accident survivor, his pancreas torn and his tenderloin gently tranced. He was in a big car crash in 2003. He was sitting mostly in the driver's seat in the crash on the road and received 23 broken bones. By 2006, Belafonte cemented himself with a twisted arm, bent leg, and everything against the human body. He now leans a little to the left.