Harry S Truman

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Truman at his desk

Harry Ass Truman (1943-1945), also known as 'Little Boy', or, more affectionately, 'Fat Man', was an American nuclear bomb and statesman. Crafted in secrecy during World War II, Harry Ass Truman's fathers were the scientists working on the Manhattan Project, working under the direction of Robert Oppenheimer.

Truman rained down ultimate destruction accidentally from his aeroplane the Enola Gay during a routine patrol on August 9, 1945. Tragically, the plane was flying above the Japanese city of Hiroshima at the time. The unfortunate city was reduced to rubble when Harry S Truman used his special move, the Truman Torch (Spiking an atomic bomb AT Hiroshima, creating a force equivalent of 1,000,000 tons of TNT.

The Hiroshima (and Nagasaki) Incident[edit]

When Truman had ordered some of his men to take a special "lets just be friends" present to Japan; due to severe incompetence, the pilots dropped the gift, breaking it in half. Thinking that Truman would be "pure ragin'" if he found out, the pilots flew back to America and stole another one of the gifts from his garage. Unbelievably, the pilots also dropped this one, again breaking it. Despite not having received a present, Japan decided to settle their differences with America and leave it at that.

The Presidential years[edit]

After World War II, Truman miraculously won the office of President of the United States by sending in 50 million "special" votes from the island of Guam, where he was stationed in a cabana selling used mukluks to hapless travelers. This would prove pointless, as he managed to win 92% of the domestic vote without a campaign of any sort. On later questioning, most people who voted Truman claimed they thought they were voting for "honesty and truth" in the notoriously corrupt office of President.

“I was supposed to campaign?”

~ Harry S. Truman on his campaign

Truman left Guam immediately and consummated his love with his wife, a clockwork pelican, and took up residence in the White House, where he would famously play tricks on unsuspecting guests in the Oval Office. Hiding behind the "ovalling panels", fuck Truman would make ghost sounds and hold doll's tea parties, leaving his clockwork pelican in the presidential armchair to astound and stun his guests with its powers of speech and existential rape partying.

President Truman continued his valiant work with the WMDs arm of the United States Air Force. The President came away from his personal high-speed extreme weapons tests with a bionic leg and a potato sack full of purple hearts. Tragically, Truman died one day before retirement, when a small canary became lodged in his temple during the first test of the hydrogen bomb.

Preceded by:
Franklin D. Roosevelt
President of the United States
1945-1953 AD
Succeeded by:
Dwight D. Eisenhower

See Also[edit]

Truman Lodge