Hasbro

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Hasbro is a manufacturer of popular toys made out of surplus nuclear waste.

Originally incorporated as Hazardous Material Brothers in 1946, the company was formed by former generals of the US military who were looking for a way to get rid of unexploded A-bombs that were taking up too much space. Though the founders' military skills were not in question, their marketing skills weren't so hot. After temporarily calling itself Hazmat Brothers, they eventually settled on Hasbro in 1965.

Hasbro has subsequently proceeded to take over the rest of the toy industry by buying out every other major toy manufacturer (Kenner... Wizards of the Coast, etc.). Their eventual goal is to take over the ever-shrinking world of non-electronic entertainment. Unfortunately for them, it would seem that nobody cares.

Products[edit]

The Hula Hoop was the company's first smash success in 1966. Sales skyrocketed, even when it was discovered that the groovy sand-like sound was actually caused by depleted uranium pellets. The subsequent rise in birth deformaties was considered a statistical anomoly.

Following the end of American hostilities with Vietnam, Hasbro launched the popular Agent Orange Slip'n'Slide in 1976. Kids loved the frictionless slide provided by the special secret spray emanating from the slide, but parents were often dismayed by the subsequent lawn damage that resulted. Sales remain strong in Arizona and parts of California.

See Also[edit]