Heather Graham

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Heather Graham.

Heather Graham (born January 29, 1982, in Whoville) is an American actress from Los Santos, San Andreas. She's tall and has reddish-blonde hair. She's one of the few celebrity chicks (along with Hollywood amazon Scarlett Johansson) that has the unique ability of being cute as a button, and yet, someone you wouldn't mind f_cking all night long. Heather is 33 years old, 5'11", and weighs between 120 and 121 pounds.

Childhood and early career[edit]

Miss Graham spent her young childhood starring in the cartoon "How the Grinch stole X-Mas!", playing the little girl that Jim Carrey/Mr. Grinch spits in the face of. She also made money by scrubbing ear wax off of horny middle-aged businessmen, but the sweatshop she worked in soon got closed down by paedophilia lawsuits made by Phoenix Wright

When Heather turned sixteen, she joined the cast of Fox's The OC as Mischa Barton's slutty little sister. Her character, Mistress What's Her Name, soon killed off Marissa Cooper, thus, killing the career of Mischa Barton, as well, who now works in an IHOP somewhere in Atlanta, I think.

On her 20th birthday, Heather starred in the prequel to the movie, 50 Foot Woman. In the movie, Heather played a 51 foot woman, trying to find a husband before her 21st birthday or else, she would never be normal again! The movie co-starred Bart Simpson, as the role of Gary the Prince. The movie was met with moderate success, in most movie theaters.

Film and television career[edit]

When she turned 23, Heather Graham landed a role as Dr. Molly Cock on the hit NBC show, Scrubs. Y'know? That show about the girly doctor who always daydreams stupid little fantasies? YOU KNOW! COME ON! I know you heard of that show before? Right? RIGHT?!?

Yup, that's her.

On the show, Graham's character was a retarded doctor. But since she was still hot, everyone in the hospital wanted to screw her, including Dr. Elliott Reid, who is a woman.

In 2006, Graham starred in the movie adapation of the hit ABC sitcom, "Family Matters", playing Steve Urkel's southern cousin. (What's her name? I forgot.) Well anyways, her character soon falls in love with Stefon Arkel, not realizing that he was just Steve Urkel with a makeover. And since the movie took place in Chicago, where marrying cousins is frowned upon, her character got shot by Eddie Winslow, who is poor and desperate for work on television and/or movies.


In 2007, Heather starred in the movie Player Haters II, where she took over the role, made famous by Tina Fey in the original, as a blonde inner-city teacher who moonlights as famous female gangsta rapper named "Blonde White Bitch." In the movie, Miss Shana Doherty has moved from Detroit to the new setting of New Haven, Connectthedots, where rapping is frowned upon. So Graham's character, Ms. Doherty, inspires her new, teenage students to start up a rap group, where she plays the lead emcee, so that she can revive her fallen career, in which MC Honeydew (played by Lindsay Lohan) has taken her spot as America's most beloved white female rapper. In the end, the students beat MC Honeydew in a freestyle rap show and MC Honeydew chokes on stage, and runs off, where she slips on a piece of crack and breaks her neck. Blonde White Bitch aka Ms. Doherty ends up saving the day and teaches kids a valuable lesson about freestyle raps, capping motherf_ckers, and doing their homework.

Heather Graham is currently in works to star in Player Haters III: Miami next fall.


How The Grinch Stole X-Mas! (1990)

Boyz N The Hood (1991)

Jack Said So! (1992)

Jack STILL Said So!! (1993)

Where's Grandma? (1994)

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas II (1995)

I Like Cake (1996)

Jane Austen Powers (1997)

F' You, Too! (1998)

The OC (1999)

1999 (1999)

Scream 5 (2000)

Cat In The Cradle (2001)

50 Foot Woman: Part Two (2002)

The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003)

NYPD Blew (2004)

Scrubs (2005)

Family Matters: The Movie (2006)

Player Haters II (2007)

Rock Bottom (2008)

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and Sam (2009)

WhiteOut: The Movie (2009)

Player Haters III (2010)


I forgot 'em.

External links[edit]

Forgot them, too.