Hebe Camargo
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"I hate Shakespeare!"
~ Oprah on Hebe Camargo
"Unglnu'nph k'lyeh r'wnglua hngilu'phth'n, l'yi? Rg'hlia k'gr. F'nath rg'hlia gr'rnua."
~ Cthulu on Hebe Camargo
Contents |
[edit] Her Sofa Birth
Hebe Camargo was born is 1566, to fulfill the prophecy made by Shakespeare - "There are more Oprahs in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.". There are many known theories about her birth. Some dare to say Oprah pooped ther out, but that's so obviously false, since Oprah would never attempt to share her ultimate power with someone. The Oprah Ghosts are simply a defense created by nature to try creating balancing the world. But it failed. Like when humans were born. The only thing known for sure is that she was born from a sofa. Hebe Camargo will only perish when this sofa is destroyed, according to Santa.
[edit] The truth Betwen Hebe and Oprah
When Oprah got wet (sowhere around XII century) she multiplied. The result of this wet gremiling-a-like is Hebe.
[edit] What is behind such power
Hebe gets a lot of money donations from her Hebesite, all this money is converted into sofa.
[edit] Foods
Hebe Camargo eats 10,000 people every night, and she seems to have a special taste for Arabs and Japanese. Then, she invests some of this excessive energy in her plan to ressurect Silvio Santos, that died in an attack made by Mad Dogs in 2013. If Silvio Santos ressurect someday... well, they will take Brazil over from the Mad Dogs, with Santa's support. And then Latin America, including that country with a really strange language. Hebe usually eats a red rose during her shows.
[edit] Becoming one with Oprah
Hebe tried to fuse herself with Oprah several times since World War 1. Oprah claims to be far too powerful to accept that. In 1963, she sent one million sofas to Oprah's show, but she burned them all. In 1964, Santa declared his full support. In 1966, she killed the Pope twice in order to try fusing with him to become more acceptable to her master, but obviously failed. She tried again, but John Paul 2.0 was a much stronger version and Hebe-proof, thus making her attempt useless. Now, she tries to make the nations sign petitions to ask for the fusion. Oprah banned Hebe from Earth, though, and she has to transmit her TV shows from Mars.
[edit] Love cases
Captain Planet
Captain Planet sued Hebe Camargo twice for sexual harassment, but then dropped the case. Rumor has it that they shared a sofa-shaped house later in one of the Saturn rings. Santa denies this, but the Easter Bunny seems to support this fact. When he became old, and the Power ring he gave to her wouldn't work anymore because the batteries expired, she ate him, vomited, and ate him again. This program was broadcasted on September 11, 2002. Captain Planet was ressurected, though, and never admitted such a case.
Michael Moore
Since Oprah wouldn't support his anti-Bush campaign, Michael Moore tried to get Hebe to support him, but she seduced him. Later, he was fed to Dercy Gonçalves, and some of his energy was redirected to her ultimate plan of ressurecting Silvio Santos. Kurimin Moore, though, gathered all the 7 dragonballs and ressurected his brother, eventhough Santa was against it.
Cthulu
This time, she was the one seduced. Excited about his many "barbs", she tried to look like the perfect demoness. The fact is, she already looked like one. She built the largest sofa-shaped house ever imagined, but Cthulu wouldn't accept that and brought her to his temple. After a night of infinite love and licks, he abandoned her to death. Luckily, she was saved by Santa. Twice.
Santa Claus
Such a case never actually happened, but it seems Santa has some admiration over Hebe. Oprah knows why.
