Hello Kitty Vibrator

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WHY?! WHY, GOD, WHY?!
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Hello Kitty Vibrators® (Japanese: ハローキティ マッサージ器, Haroo Kiti Massaaji ki, Actual translation is Hello Kitty massage device) also known as Happy-makes my daughter spin-toy is a massager and a crime against nature which is produced in Japan. The Hello Kitty Vibrator® is most often used by Japanese unundeads during the long and boring periods of time (which can sometimes last to up to 10 minutes) when they are not engaged in sexual activities with tentacle monsters or each other. This is Japan's most popular birthday present for unundeads aging from 3-15 years old, and older office ladies aging from 29 years old and up.

History[edit]

Hello Kitty creator, Hard Gay, created this for underage kiddies ages 2-17, after successfully doing intercouse with his mom in 1973. This project was so succesful that many girls were pregnant before age 15. Increase in birthrate was noticed because of fathers catching their daughters having "fun".

Rejected Slogans[edit]

  • Hello Klitty!
  • Make daugtaa happy wong time!
  • It's Perrrrrrrr-fect!
  • ME-OW!
  • Kid Tested, Mother Approved!
  • A Pussy for a Pussy!
  • Hello Pussy!
  • What a small cute pussy!
  • Get your own cute small pink pussy!
  • A pussy needs a pussy!
  • Well... HELLO... person that masturbates over hentai
  • Let's meow it all the way in!
  • Me love you long time!

Spread of mayhem to other countries

There have been several reports of this mania (or mayhem) spreading to other countries like Singapore, which recently banned the hello kitty vibrator after reports of mass absentism in local girls school the day after the vibrator hit the market. More reports on this to come. Watch this space!!

Technical Specifications[edit]

  • Power: 125Kv a.c. three phase
  • Speed: 8 Ghz Deca core
  • Dimensions: No, it's not small. It's... average. Standard model Ø = 28.6mm, length = 138.6mm; other sizes available on request
  • Operating Frequency: variable - normally 60 Hz
  • Safety Features: waterproof, shock resistant, flame retardant and self-lubricating
  • Software Drivers: Windows, MacOS 8+, Linux still under development. Cross-platform is possible only if really close friends are really close.
  • Made in: China
  • Batteries: Comes with half of a 9v battery.
  • Soulless Manufacturers: Included.
  • Battery Life Let the fun last forever !!!!!

The Future of Hello Kitty Vibrators[edit]

It is said that in this point in time they are trying to find a way to market Hello Kitty vibrators to men. Then for the straight men currently in production the have a Hello Pussy as well, that comes complementary with strawberry scented candy lube for the better smell of life.

“There is a whole new line of Hello Kitty Vibrating Products coming with you soon, for all walks of life, be you chimpanzee, human or even a wacky human female. Whatever your pleasure buttions, we've got a kitty to wake you right where it counts. And when!”

~ Sheik Yar Klitoris, CEO Hello Kitty Kitty


Controversy & Confusion[edit]

The Hello Kitty Vibrating line is often confused with these other great lines of personal pleasure products:

  • Hey Diddle Diddle:
  • The Pussy & the Fiddle: Cute Products of Joy for Musical Couples and their Feline Companions.
  • Cow Jumped the Moon's Bone:
  • Little Dog Laugh:
  • To Hear Such a Sight!: For the Deaf and Hearing Impaired. For the Blind and Visually Challenged. For Women with Husbands who Never Listen. Fo Yo Momma.
  • Runaway Dish & Spoon: