Hentai

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Adult catgirl aqua.png Catgirls, Hentai and furries, Oh my!
This page contains catgirls, hentai and/or furries and is not safe for human consumption.

If caught reading this page, roll over and play dead.

“Fah! That's just a Tijuana Bible with tentacles added and I should know. I drew the first Tijuana Bible. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Hentai

Hentai thought of the day: Is it gay to suck her dick?

First off, you know why you're here.

Hentai is a Japanese art form, which I happen to like. A lot. Over the years, I've saved a lot of Hentai to my external hard drive, and before I knew it, I had upwards of 1.2 terabytes of the stuff. I will now share my accumulated knowledge with the world, because I'm such a nice guy.

History of Hentai

Hentai originated in 397 B.C. in a small cave which happened to be located in a rather bad neighborhood. Jog-by spear-pokings happened constantly. This behavior made all of the law abiding cavemens (and womens respectively) want to stay inside. After a while they got bored and started drawing doodles of animals and spears on walls, which were then hyper-analyzed by archaeologists in desperate need of grant money. Well, eventually the spears became penises and the animals became female creatures (this is an appropriate description of a cavewoman. They looked a lot like lasagna-meatloaf.) Eventually the cavemen realized that if they drew multiple pictures that changed only slightly in appearance, then ran as fast as possible past the pictures, they would look like they were moving. Unfortunately, the first known "moving picture" hentai drawings ended at the mouth of a cave on a cliff. In the present time, we are down to only 3,000 deaths a year from hentai crazed nerds running off cliffs. We are thinking of putting up guard rails of some sort, as soon as Barack Obama CLEARS UP THE NATIONAL FUCKING DEBT!!!

Contents

[edit] Types of Hentai

Hentai encompasses almost all fetishes, ranging from the mildly disturbing to the horrifyingly sickening. As you read the descriptions for each category, remind yourself that people (i.e. you and me) actually jerk off to this stuff. And then reassure yourself of that fact when you go searching for these terms on the internet.

Note: Every category can and will combine with any other category, even those that clearly contradict each other.


[edit] Ecchi

This Hentai focuses mainly on nudity and provocative clothes, and not so much on the sex(softcore). Marketed towards the crucial cry-baby pussy demographic. Strangely, this is considered by many to be bona-fide, non-pornographic anime and manga. Do not accept candy or rides from these many. Actually it`s not realy a kind of hentai.

[edit] Bakunyu

Bakunyu focuses mainly on women with gigantic tumors on their tits.

[edit] Yuri

Girl-on-girl action, for those who don't like actual girls. Boo. Penis. Enjoyed by a lot of men but only comprise 0.0000037% of the internet. (The rest are yaoi)

“I think I like this Hentai.”
 :~ Oscar Wilde on Yaoi Hentai
Why are you looking at this? Seriously, turn around, and pretend you never saw this hot scene. And stop masturbating!

[edit] Yaoi

Guy-on-guy action, for those who don't like actual guys. Yeah! Penis!

[edit] Lolicon

Lolicon is basically child-porn but in anime style. It's legal here (U.S.A.) and is naturally popular among the pedo crowd, as well as the less scrupulous of the moe crowd.

[edit] Shotacon

(also known as Shota) is basically gay child-porn but in anime style for pedophiles. Awesome. Some of it's funny and most of it is an ideal way to induce vomiting. And sometimes they are just fucking scary. Always keep shota magazines in your first aid kit, just in case your five-year-old son drinks Windex. Huhuhuh.

[edit] Toddlercon

Toddlercon is porn with drawn three year olds doing it. Toddlercon is the best thing to jack off to and the less incriminating, in Japan it is regularly accepted to whip out toddlercon and jack off to it in public places, such as a train, or town square. For more, see Child Porn.

[edit] Furry

Most think that Furries are mainly restricted to hentai. Not true. This is a large sub-culture of people who enjoy furry art, including the hentai which is called "yiff", dress up in fur suits to look like the characters they draw and much more. In fact, one could argue that furries have gone far beyond the (comparatively) tame subject matter of hentai to embark on fetishes that are even more obscure, with most being physically impossible and/or permanently mentally scarring upon even significantly limited exposure. In fact, some attempts have been made to establish a scale similar to radiation exposure (currently measured in "furds"), with a generally accepted unsafe exposure rate of "anything more than zero whatsoever."

[edit] Futanari

For those who like women, but also like it in the ass. A prime example would be Eddie Izzard. It's strangely hot. There are also cases where women have dicks and are fucking other women.

This girl is in complete fear (I mean pleasure) after she saw an innocent, cute girl's penis.
A bit special example of futanari which doesn't include a woman, but still has the ass... Well, it's Bible Black. But since I cannot be arsed to make an article, I will leave it up to YOU to make a Bible Black article. Feel free to use these images.

[edit] Omorashi

A fancy way of saying you get turned on by pissing your pants. (Best kind of masturbation ever)

[edit] Shit/Scat

Popularized by the Dick, Pussy, and Asshole speech made by Martin Luthur King jr. in AD2101.

Also, see the famous, vomit-inducing, almost-Oscar-nominated movie, Two girls, one cup, where two girls literally play with their shit... Even if it isn't hentai, it's worth a mention here.

(Seriously, how can people like this stuff??? It's Flaming gross!!!)

[edit] Guro

Charles Manson, watching his favorite guro.

This is where it gets fun. It can actually be quite creative. Google image search 'waio guro' and then email me with your results so I can laugh at you. Wait, actually yeah, laugh in your teary-eyed face.

(A guy who did it) I only saw one picture but I can say that I am thoroughly off porn... Jesus dude! The Japenese are sick! FUCK! 0.o My penis started crying.

(Another guy who did it) Oh yeah, this shit is hot. No doubt about it, I was 6 when I started watching Hentai and I demand to see more of this.

(shotacon obsessed bitch) OMFG that is so fucking awesome!!! But still this just convinced Japanese people are fucking queer when it comes to porn...

Yeah, I'm a liar. You will LITERALLY THROW UP. ITS FUCKING GROSS and it involves mutilation of body parts, and making the parts do things. most fucked up thing YOU WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE!! Goddamn, those japs are fucking sick.

Now, there are only three types of people that end up reading this...

  • 1. Us at Uncyclopedia, who find it fucking ridiculous
  • 2. /b/tards who find it hilarious.
  • 3. Sick fucks that think it's the single most erotic thing EVAR.

[edit] Al Gore

This is a green peace classic guro, the one everyone knows about. Well, maybe not everyone, but you know... Sexy!!

[edit] Tentacle Rape

Exactly what it sounds like --girls getting raped by forty-foot tentacle monsters. This fetish is, for the most part, hentai-specific. Also comes in non-rape variants; ie, girls that are more than willing to do this. They might as well try to enjoy it. I mean, let's face it, those things aren't gonna let them go anytime soon. Also occupies a very rare subgenre of yaoi. See also: HowTo:Avoid tentacle rape

Diverse Selection of Windows XP

[edit] Shitting Dick Nipples

They called me crazy when I first announced the project. Well, I showed them!

(Picture has been deleted because it made everyone throw up.)

Trust me. It's.... Well, I dont think theres a word for it.

[edit] Anime

In addition to all this, there is also hentai for every single anime show in existence. This is in accordance with the following rules:

  • Rule 1: The cuter you are the more likely you will be horribly raped by giant tentacles.
  • Rule 8: Every chick has a G-cup or is a loli
  • Rule 10: Every chick has a STD of some sort
  • Rule 19: All animes have a hentai adaption
  • Rule 34: If you can imagine it, there is porn of it.
  • Rule 35: If there isn't, it is your duty to create it.
  • Rule 56: If you can imagine it, there is also yaoi of it.
  • Rule 57: If there isn't, wait about five minutes. Some fat fangirl is most definitely working on it.
  • Rule 63: If you can imagine it, there is reverse gender porn of it.
  • Rule 89: If two females meet in the hentai, they will either:

A: Proceed to have lesbian sex B: Fight and then have lesbian sex C: Have some massive discussion that you fast forward through and then have lesbian sex D: Have lesbian sex and then have some more lesbian sex

Here are some examples:

[edit] Conclusion

I have waaaaayyyyyyyy too much porn.

[edit] See Also

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