Herbert Parvorte Gacy
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“Mmmmm... What's goin' on in my pants?”
~ Herbert on his pants
“Who needs 'em?”
~ Herbert on Dawn, May and every hot chick on Earth
“Ooohhhh.....”
~ Herbert on Chris Griffin
“Piss off you pervert!”
~ Stewie Griffin on Herbert
“Are you a Pedophile?”
~ Chris Griffin on Herbert
Herbert Parvorte Gacy, also known as Herbert the Pervert (b. June 25, 1930) is a retired television star, Vietnam War veteran, and creepy old guy. He is also noted as being the son of famed serial killer and child rapist John Wayne Gacy and the first child of Mary Kay Letourneau. Among his accomplishments, he is also a very talented artist, proficient in sculpting and painting. Herbert is, as of date, the oldest open homosexual, and is an iconic symbol in the gay community to the extent that he was featured on the cover and a centerfold section of former gay themed erotic magazine, Bear Magazine.
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[edit] Personal life
Herbert was born in Bordeaux, France. His father, John Wayne Gacy married his mother, Mary Kay Letourneau while the two were vacationing and later moved to a summer house in Gay Head, MA together. They then later moved to a small town home in Quahog, Rhode Island.
Herbert grew up normally through the years, thinking girls were "yucky" and had all male friends. His mother noticed that, at the age of five, he still had no female friends, which was ok, she thought. The years passed and Herbert stayed the same, male friends, girls were alien to him. His holidays passed normally. Halloween, he'd dress up. Christmas, he'd wait anxiously for Santa to bring him toys. Everything went smooth, his mother noticed he had a thing for painting.
[edit] Teen Years
Growing up a teenager, Herbert noticed that guys were more fun to hang around than girls. Guys were more understandable, and not as bitchy. His mother thought it was strange that he didn't think about girls like the normal little boys, or "horn-dogs" as she called them, from down the street did. It all went down hill when, one Halloween, Herbert dressed extremely odd. Herbert tried to pass himself off as a super hero (the emblem on his chest). His mother, being his mother and very loving of her child, believed him, and let it slide.
[edit] The Big Incident
It was all smooth, Herbert was 16, had a nice car, a decent job, friends, a bit of money, and a nice house. It was a nice July Saturday. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, his father, working as a pre-school teacher, was out drinking with some friends. His mother, a stay home mom, was doing laundry; she picked up a hamper of Herbert's "unmentionables" and took them to Herbert's room. Being that it was a normal day, she just walked in, instead of knocking, which she always did. She walked in to see Herbert masturbating to gay porn on his computer.
Not only was she startled, she was horrified. She ran out dropping the basket of clothing. Herbert, also horrified, tried to run out of his house but tripped and fell down six flights of stairs.
[edit] Early Adulthood
After the big gay incident, Herbert had two options facing him, become a creepy school bus driver, or become a creepy ice cream truck driver. Either way, this would lead him close to his favorite prey, small children... At Quahog, he chose neither and opened a Quahog Boys Club, where he sells ice popcicles and gives massages to boys.
Later on in life, Herbert chose to be an ice cream truck driver. This is where he met Chris Griffin and Stewie Griffin. Then, he got excited, if you know what I mean and got an erection. Herbert then spent his life stalking little boys like a bear. Some of Herbert's notable acts were disguising himself as an eighth grader to dance with two boys, selling popsicles and giving free shoulder rubs, staring at the paper boy in a horny way, using eels in an inappropriate way, resists to petition gay marriage, and gets excited when Jeff Campbell arrives at a mall.
[edit] After the Incident
Herbert was openly gay, and now a social outcast. No one liked him. His parents were upset by this abnormal behavior, but accepted him as who he was, and moved to Quahog, Rhode Island. Looking for a fresh start, Herbert picked up his interest in painting. His art was "kick ass" says his visual arts teacher. He was quite the ladies man, all the "hunnies" (as they were called back in that time in Rhode Island) wanted him. Herbert, being gay, and wanting to hide it, needed to cover it up. When his high school's prom came around, he needed a date. That's when Helga, a Russian transfer student, came in. He needed a girl to cover him up, and she needed a date. Herbert said that the prom went "decent, if not good". The after party, after he ditched Helga, was "perfect" he said. "We all got drunk, some of us were naked and things went with the wind" he said, "a boy named John made a man out of me." We're still unsure what that is supposed to mean.
[edit] Vietnam War service
Herbert spent his time doing two jobs, being a pre-junior high school teacher, and painting. Being a teacher was his favorite thing. "I got to spend time with all the maturing men of the time," he stated, "I sometimes would go to the sports area of the school and watch all the boys work-out, do their stretches, and play around". He also painted human models in his spare time, "mostly men," he said. He rarely did women, and when he did, "they would HAVE to have a masculine quality about them, such as a nice body or a hairy chest". Then, war struck. "I felt I needed to do my part; I didn't get drafted, but I didn't volunteer until things really picked up on the enemy front." He was in charge of cleaning the shower room. He usually did it while all of his comrades were showering, "makes it so all the yucky stuff is easier to clean" he said.
[edit] After The War
After the war, Herbert generally stayed in Quahog, painting whatever he could find, sometimes painting scenery around his home, or painting some of the locals. He would sometimes paint some photos of the boys from his old teaching career, which he kept in his personal collection.
After twenty years of painting this and that, making a small fortune, Herbert decided to settle down. He didn't want to move again; he had grown accustomed to the city. So he stayed put. He adopted a dog, because he was in need of companionship. "I named him Jasper, because he looked and felt like a Jasper to me," he says.
After years of living in his community, a local TV station, Fox, was looking for a family to do a reality show. They found one family that stood out the most, the Griffin family. Fox originally wanted it to be a live action show, but due to ratings, it wouldn't stay that way. He liked the family a lot, especially the father, Peter. So he made the family animated and it stuck.
How does Herbert come into this? Well about the fourth season into "Family Guy", they were branching out with characters, and Herbert, being that he had nothing better to do, applied. "I had nothing better to do," he says, "so I applied." A few weeks later, he got a call from Fox, and he was in, which according to sources close to Herbert, made him quite happy. "They told me I was in" he stated "I was so happy." Herbert was brought in to do some rendering for his character.
Herbert has done many episodes for "Family Guy" and has now totally retired to his home in Quahog. He sits at home playing with Jasper. "I tend to sit around at home, sometimes I'll play with Jasper," he said.
[edit] Similarities with Obi-Wan Kenobi
When Herbert saw Star Wars, he thought of himself as Obi-Wan Kenobi himself. Both people have many things in common, they hate General Grievous and his hoes girlfriends, and they seem to have an interest in one boy... if you take my meaning. This was later fully seen in Blue Harvest, where Herbert took Obi-Wan's place in the enhanced 2007 edition of Star Wars. In the show movie, Herbert took interest in Luke Skywalker, ehem... I mean Chris Griffin. On the Death Star, Herbert fought Vader, where his lightsaber flopped and turned erect when Chris arrived. Oh yeah, Herbert also shares plenty of similarities with Michael Jackson, so Herbert may be his long lost brother...
