Hermann Fegelein

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Fegelein's real face

“Bring me Fegelein. FEGELEIN! FEGELEIN! FEGELEIN!”

“I am Fegelein, I am like Chuck Norris, I can do anything!”

~ Fegelein on his awesome super powers

“This dude is the second me, or I am the first him.”

~ Chuck Norris on Hermann Fegelein

Hans Georg Otto Hermann Fegelein (Polish: Hermanskiej Fleghelhein) is a General of the crappy Waffen-SS in Nazi Germany known for his antagonism with Adolf Hitler. He killed 15 million Jews, all allied to Hitler. He and his evil twin, Lewis Hamilton, were born on 29th February 1066 AD to Stalin and wife Lady Gaga in Bavaria.

Early life[edit]

Fegelein is the front left tire next to his father, Stalin.
Fegelein is around here, maybe in the Soviet Onion.

At their birth, they were chased by Al Qaeda from nowhere. They escaped to get to Germany just 2 days before their birth. They're Justin Bieber's best friends, since 1812 AD his other brother, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, and the clone wanted to kill Hitler, but ended up dead, after falling into Hitler's ass, sending the Fuhrer to hospital.

Attempts to assassinate Hitler[edit]

Fegelein wanted to kill Hitler. After a fake Hitler virus spread through Germany, there were more Hitlers. The real one made an alliance with Fegelein, and managed to kill all other Hitlers, but it was just Fegelein's plan to kill Hitler. He almost did it.

Career[edit]

In late 2011, Fegelein wanted to prove that he can do everything and joined Renault F1 Team, replacing Jenson Button. His first race was a piece of crap, running into the back of Heikki Kovalainen, then being sent into a roller coaster and landing on a piece of enormous shit. In the next race, his helmet got bit by Chuck Norris and crashed into the wall. At the next race, the Chinese GP, he hit the back of Kovalainen again, and went to space, fell down all right, with his sith powers, but got hit by Mao Zedong in his ass. After that he retired from F1 and wanted to become an actor. 4 years before, he had had an audition for Justin Bieber's favourite show (because his girlfriend is in there) and since then he plays the character that Selena Gomez played before.

The Pile of shit where Fegelein landed
Although Fegelein retired, his crashes into title rival Kovalainen gave Alonso and Renault the title

Fake Death[edit]

As a keen cook Hitler took control of the F1 Team "catering", as the engineer of Heikki Kovalainen. Kovalainen lost the title, because of Fegelein. He also accused Batman of cheating by letting Alonso through in the last corner. Hitler promised revenge, so he sent Chuck Norris to kill Fegelein. After being shot, his body was thrown into the sea and found in the Spanish Al-Andalusian city of Madrid, 100% all right. Hitler was very angry and sent his army to kill Chuck Norris, failing and losing the war because they let the stinking flying things from USSR conquer Berlin.

Fegelland[edit]

In 2003, after failing to kill Fegelein, Hitler went mad and opened Fegel Land, a fun park dedicated to the well-being assassination of Fegelein in a style reminiscent of Auschwitz Great Adventure.

Fegelein enjoyed, and so he became richer than Hitler. Hitler realized what that meant, so he keeps stealing money from his best friend Bernie Ecclestone.

Parodies[edit]

In 2004 the movie Falling Upwards was released in an anti-Nazi city in Austin, Texas. The coolest and most freaking part was when Adolf Hitler ranted angry his name 3 times and genie Fegelein appeared. People keep editing the scene (and other scenes as well) as his subtitles are replaced with pieces of funny crap. One famous example is that of Hitler getting mad over Fegelein's presumed death.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hermann Fegelein.


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