High school girls

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“OMG!!!! Did you hear!?”

~ How High School Girls typically start conversations

“As a gym teacher...I am, naturally attracted to... young women...like your daughter”

~ Whip Matthews
A high school girl checking her breath before her Oral exam.

A breed of humans that are, like, totally selfish, stubborn, and are targets of marketing companies. High school girls frequently communicate using the words "like", "totally", and the phrase "Oh, my God!" in an effort to like eliminate the need for, like, thinking prior to, like, speaking? They also make every sentence sound like a question? High school girls usually smell of soap, shampoo, and the guys? Oh, my God! Ok. Oh, my God! 99% of these girls own a pair of Uggs.

It is very well known that high school girls are dumb as all hell. Examples include dating guys who only want them for one thing, gossiping nonstop about how hot that one guy is, fending off nerds who actually have good intentions, the list goes on and on.

Behavior[edit]

Girls often forget that their panties are exposed.

According to some striking new statistics, 9001% of high school girls live the following life style:

  • Sleeping
  • Working on hair or makeup
  • Getting drunk
  • Not being able to go to a concert/assembly/whatever without screaming and thus breaking everyone's eardrums
  • Stupidity
  • Hyperactivity.
  • Always talking.
  • Always talking on the cellphone.
  • Travel in groups called cliques, which results from the sound their shoes make when they - Oh my God, here they come now, oh God. Please don't look at me, please. I'm not worthy. No, wait, look at me. Say you'll go out with me, super hot high school girl who is so out of my league that an ice cube would have a better chance in hell. Please, please, please, please. She's stopping! She's looking at me! She's... pointing and laughing. My life is over! *sob*
  • Like I was trying to say, clique sounds like click, which is a noise their shoes make *sniffle* when they walk away after breaking your heart. *sob*
  • Cry when they have bad notes.
  • Your mom.
  • Always have bad notes.
  • Not being able to talk for three minutes without obnoxious laughter.
  • Having big parties.
  • Phoning/text-messaging friends/IMing during all of the above. They will send text messages during anything and everything, including oral or the other, better kind of sex.
  • Getting pregnant.
  • Getting pregnant 2+ times in high school.
  • Lack all internal logic.
  • Buttsecks, during which they usually send text messages.
  • Excuse me, there are some of us who actually pay attention to worldly issues and who actually have no life, like all you losers, and think nerds are HOT!
  • Have every rainbow color gel pens to take notes.
  • "Like" is the favorite word of all times.
  • Have an unnatural obsession with shopping, going to the mall and spending 2 hours looking for a shirt.
  • Being creepy, stalking people and not being ashamed of it.
  • Making codenames for the boys that they stalk (Ex. Yogi because this is a derivative of Yogi Bear which is kind of like Lar Bear which is short for Larry which rhymes with hairy and she's obsessed with that little patch of scraggly hair on his chin because it makes him look masculine even though he's probably a wigger who can't grow facial hair for shit)
  • Taking pictures of everything from that crack between their boobs (this is supposed to look like an unfortunate coincidence along with forgetting to wear a bra, be sober, or have any class) to a pinecone the size of a lima bean that is supposedly cute enough to be put on Facebook or MySpace and turned into an inside joke, because it reminds them ironically of that boy whos codename is Hercules.
  • Checking their Facebook or MySpace profile every 2 minutes on their mobile device or personal computer.
  • Not making any sense.
  • Actually having a life unlike all you losers on the internet (At least we don't have to worry about unplanned pregnancy!)
  • Making a "Tsk" sound after every sentence: This also involves repeating several words over and over again, such as "Like", "Um", "What-everrr", "Rawr", "Lipgloss".
  • Providing the entire fanbase for all reality shows like "Pretty Mild" and "Keeping up with the Talentless Slut Kardashians".

Bladder control[edit]

Teen girl wearing diaper. Click here for more on Diapers.

High school girls often have problems controlling their bladders. Should a bathroom be unavailable, it is likely they will just piss themselves. They will decline suggestions to pee in a bottle/bucket/cup/container/pavement/sink with "Ew! That's gross!" And peeing your pants isn't?

Lots of teenage girls also wet the bed. This is of course, a very big deal, and of course she must be stressed/being bullied/has a urinary tract infection and should see the doctor. It is necessary to embarrass her by talking to her about it and possibly even call a conference at school, and who cares if it gets around the school and everyone knows? Why is she wetting the bed? Does she have emotional/medical problems? Maybe she just wet the bed, get over it.

To avoid such problems, high school girls often wear diapers for convenience. Many girls of all ages wear diapers for medical reasons or they just like wearing them. By girls wearing diapers it lets them urinate and sometimes have a bowel movement when they can't find a bathroom, or it being inconvenient for them to stop at a bathroom. Many girls use diapers when their they're having their period because they will surely hold and not leak for however long they need. Also girls sometimes feel cramps and sometimes it is so uncomfortable that having an immediate bowel movement would make them feel better. This way they won't have to feel the pain of holding it in. A lot of girls also wear diapers for sexual/fetish reasons. Sometimes their own, sometimes those of that boy with the straggly hair on his chin they have a crush on.

Types of high school girls[edit]

Meet Chelsea and Bri. They are your typical high school pinks.

OK, there are many types of girls at a high school? Some are cute? Some are nice? Few are actually virgins. And something else? Whatever? Like I care? And some have learned how to asexually reproduce whilst talking on a cell?

Cheerleaders[edit]

Your average high school girl: A cheerleader. This one is more shapely due to the type of sex with multiple Pokemon performed at keggers.

Though they are usually the girls that were not good enough to make the dance team, or have the guts to actually get out there and play a sport like a real lady, cheerleaders are the most sought after breed of high school girl. These particular girls are most often watched by the bald, overweight fathers of the local high school football team. They absorb energy from the sun, due to the lack of nutrition from a nonexistent diet. Cheerleaders resemble typical high school girls, only more so. They have also developed the power to "drain". This is done by talking so fast and so unintelligibly in a high pitched voice, that the victim of the "drain" loses most motor functions and goes into standby mode, which involves staring at the huge boobs. A cheerleader's diet consist mainly of flavored lubricant and the occasional celery stick, both of which they immediately throw up.

The Goth[edit]

These Germanic high school girls originated in Scandinavia and plagued the Roman Empire for centuries, finally sacking Rome itself. Typically freaky weird witch-chicks, they usually wear black clothes and bondage pants and/or lacy and frilly crap. Many are hardcore (a codename for a "poser".) Also, a large number of them can turn into crows, or other black birds. They listen to music that is not really music (ex. Eternal Tears of Sorrow), but who's gonna argue with a fricking witch, especially when they've sacked Rome and have witch powers? Anyway, they are fucking creepy. But no one says that to their face or because they will totally call upon freaky powers of darkness to summon freakier massive swords they will use to harvest your blood for lunch. Typical diet: Their own blood that they get by cutting themselves or others that stand in their path to suicide. Of course the goth girls aren't always bad, sometimes they burn villages with a smile, other times they've been known to only shove seven swords up your ass for insulting them on their physical appearances.

The Prep[edit]

Preps like to wear bright clothing, and they use this brightness to acquire the predetermined mating partners for the preps: the jocks. The preps usually have small boobs due to the fact that they evolved them to come closer to the jocks by having a more slight resemblance (the jocks have small boobs too). Also, since the IQ of a prep is in the -23s, they usually cluster in a network of slutty idiocy in order to enable their brains to work. In this format, do NOT attempt to bother them, as they may come up with a comeback to anything witty you say. (If you give them a few minutes, and see like umm, you're sooooo weird as a comeback.)

The Flipper[edit]

Flippers (not to be confused with the dolphin) are also known as Flipsies may look like any normal teenage girl but often behave in contradictory ways (common of most girls but even more so.) They may be shy and smart during class but after school they may turn into sarcastic loud jokers. One will never ever have even a hinting of what this kind of girl is thinking (not that anyone does about ANY girl). Is she going to stab you in your sleep, or is she going to pour tapioca pudding on the carpet and start dancing and singing "I'm Evil and a Heathen"

Trendy GLBT Teenagers[edit]

The trend towards "heteroflexibility" has produced scores of teenage girls who are bisexual or bicurious or like to tell people they are lesbians. Some religious types take offense, but like, they kiss in the halls and grab each other, and if you have a problem with it, deal with it! They come in many shapes and sizes, namely tall, grande, and venti. This type of teenage girl looks like other teenage girls, and often eats GLBT sandwiches.

The Band Chick[edit]

You can't fake your guitar playing or whatever instrument you play, and impress them. Oh, and she'll start talking about how you should walk by roll stepping, high stepping and to keep your horn angles 10 degrees from the ground and keep the notes... you get what I mean. Basically, in order to get her, you're gonna have to join the band. But believe me, once you do, these girls turn into freaks... not like freaky goth chick freaks, but the happy-good-funtime freaks.

Azn girl[edit]

Asians are usually the smartest girls in the school. They usually take Algebra 2 or Calculus their freshman year (statistics prove that only 1 out of 92,193,756,304 Asians are in or Algebra 1 in high school), and they take up 95% of the school orchestra. When they see a piano, it is their nature to run over to it and start playing Chopin's Revolutionary Etude flawlessly. The only way you have a chance with them is if you take all advanced classes, play 5 instruments, and have a lot of money. Or if you happen to be an Azn Male.

Dancer[edit]

If your school has a dance team, there's a good chance there are girls on it. A lot of them are cheerleaders. They like to act like sluts during prep rallies, but the teachers just see it as an art form. If you're a guy, you don't have much of a chance, seeing as most girls on the dance team are not going to stay with one guy for more than 2 days, and the ones that aren't sluts are lesbians. Joining the dance team will get you nothing, because then they'll become your fag-hags.

Emos and Scene[edit]

At this time (although this changes about every five years) Emo is the most common high school girl. They involve dying their hair and trying to be different, but in doing so look the same. They love to act angsty and be, like, "You took me off your top 8! imma kill myself and smoke pot!!!" Then show up the next day, neither high, nor a zombie. Scene kids are even worse than Emo. Scene kids commonly sport looks such as "Drooling Dinosaur", and "Pukey Polka Dot". They "pretend to be Emo", but if the Emos' are already pretending, what are they pretending to be? They are also obsessed with ninja turtles, My Chemical Romance and many other " Emo" bands. Many of them choose to hang on to childhood relics, such as a girl with a "hot wheels" backpack. None of their clothes fit them properly, their haircuts are asymmetrical, and their bitchy natures make them seem like femi-nazi lesbians, which many of them are, and if you got a problem with that, deal with it! Surprisingly, most emo girls are attractive despite their odd and quirky natures... They fall head over heels for a guy who treats them nicely due to being depressed and emotionally needy most of their lives. I would recommend checking out HowTo:Date an Emo Girl if dating these oddballs is up your ally. Just do what the guide says and you won't have to worry about waking up to seeing your Emo girlfriend in a pool of blood.

The Eternal Mystery[edit]

In many years of research, there has been one unanswered question about the high school girl: why do they all go to the bathroom together? Some speculate that they masturbate each other in sexy lesbian orgies in there; others say that they tend to talk about boys and crushes and the like; a few say that they simply go together so that they don't appear alone and friendless; still others believe that there is always one dumb girl in a group who needs the help of other girls to successfully get everything out alright. The truth is that... we don't know. (If you'd like to know, tell me.)

(From a high school girl pack leader) - The intelligent girls go in there to do hand-held gaming, hand-held masturbation, and hand-held sword fighting. We also slowly create our plans to kill the hotter and sluttier girls, because they take all the hot guys. Stupid girls spend their time fucking in here.

The real answer: as any educated fag like you will know, there is a land of 'stinky' smells and 'eeeew, gross' patches. The evil high school grue lives in these toilets and feeds on the 'eeeew gross' patches. They are fought with slogans such as "Ya cunt" and "Hannah Mateless is a cow and sux coks". They need at least 14 friends' eyeliners/lipsticks/concealer sticks to fend off the evil HSG.

~ I wonder why the "intelligent" girls don't realize they will get all the hot guys in college, which is where you go when you are smart, hence no stupid sluts to steal the guys. ~

See also[edit]


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