Hines Ward

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Hines Ward looking awesome.

Hines Ward is the first girl to ever play pro football. He was born in Canton, Ohio to an African-American serviceman and some Korean broad that liked the black cock.

He was raised in America by his black father and his Korean mother. Interestingly, he never ventured to Compton, California.


This is an excerpt from the speech given by Paul Tagliabue at his retirement. She was asked a question about the biggest star in football.

"I am the reason why you shouldn't judge a player on how many championships he or she has won. I'm an average wide receiver. I have had some good seasons, but I'm very forgettable. I should be right up there with most of the other slouches who had a few good years such as Jake Reed, Irving Fryar, and Reggie Langhorn. I've won one championship in my life, but in the end, I'm just a Jim McMahon that can catch footballs."

His nickname is the Cheshire Cat. Hines Ward has been called the biggest cry baby in the NFL. It has been said that Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, Ben Worthlessburger, Casey Hampton, and Ike Taylor are all involved in a gay relationship.

Known Relatives[edit]

  • Charlie Ward- Charlie played football for FSU, basketball for NY Knicks, but is currently doing what he is most well known for; crocheting T-shirts for the WNBA. Big star.
  • Star Ward- A very popular series of movies written by George Lucas. Changed his name to Star Wars so as not to be over-shadowed by Hines. It didn't work.
  • Ward Cleaver- The father on the hit show "Leave it to Beaver". His birth name was Cleaver Ward, but he changed it so as not to be in the shadow of Hines. Again, to no avail. Hines shadows all.
  • Award- He may be the most well known in the family other than the amazing Hines. He is known for going out and giving all he can to anybody who accomplishes anything. This worked out well when Hines was a baby, but now that HInes is old enough to move, award is always having to give himself to Hines, who is ALWAYS accomplishing more and more.
  • King Wart Nut.
  • Montgomery Ward- Hines Ward's illiterate second cousin.

2006 season[edit]

After having an ok, but not terrific season, his team got a low seed in the playoffs and got hot, much like other weak champions of the NFL like the 2002 New England Patriots, the 2000 Baltimore Ravens and the 2008 New York Football Giants.

The week before the Superbowl, Dr Robotnik (Also Known as Mike Holmgren) noticed that the referees were bribed to throw the game for the Steelers.

Mike Holmgren decided to teach his team to learn martial arts. Hines Ward, being Korean, got wind of this and opened up his chain of dojos. The Seahawks studies really hard at TKD, and ended up getting a black belt within a week. The Seahawks quickly found out that a blackbelt from a McDojo is useless and were beaten mercilessly by the Steelers and their bribed referees.

See also[edit]