Holywood
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Background
Holywood is a large Northern Irish town famed for its herring mining. Situated 10 feet from the nations capital Cultra, it is often fondly referred to as “the Gooch of Humanity.” Founded in 1996 by Dutch settler Jean Claude Van Dam, Holywood quickly bloomed from a small town populated by 7 mythical dwarfs, 2 former kings of Spain and a shopping trolley, into 8 dwarfs, a shopping trolley and 27 wine bars.
Famous Residents
David Bowie.
The Actor who played Carlton in “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.”
Frank Mitchell, 2003 noble prize winner in “man you would most trust with your children” category.
The Child Catcher, 2004 noble prize winner in “man you would most trust with your children” category.
Apparently folk wankador Van Morrison, but no ones ever seen him due to the fact his a total cunt. Several people claim to have seen him in the local Tecso’s….but those people are filthy liars.
The Maypole
Holywood is ‘famous’ for being the only town in the United Kingdom for having a may pole. There are a number of theories why this is. In his article, “why the mentally deprived like large shiny things,” (1923), Sigmund Freud attributed its existence to what he saw as a phallic symbol. Or as Carlton once put it shortly after he got his Visa, “one more massive dick cant hurt.”
Future of Holywood
Like its neighbour Belfast, wealthy people are often fond of plugging money into Holywood senselessly. Unfortunately for the residents this doesn’t mean new buildings or development programs for the youth., but if you are interested in getting a fig leaf smeared in humous or a coffee with more names than Prince, one of the many ironically named coffee shops will be glad to be of your service.
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