Homer Simpson

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“Piffff, you call that getting drunk?!What iz thiz??”

~ Bender on Homer Simpson

“He's not Jesus, calm the fuck down!”

~ God on the comment above

“He's smart!”

~ George Dubya Bush on Homer Simpson

“Tamia gets more drunk than Moe and I combined”

~ Homer on Tamia

“Son of a banshee!”

~ Gollum on Homer Simpson

“He's stupid.”

~ Captain Obvious on Homer Simpson

“Spilt Milk!!! Oh hohohouhou....”

~ Homer Simpson on Homer Simpson
Homer Simpson
No image
Personal info
Nationality
Date of birth 1964
Place of birth
Date of death
Place of death
First Lady
Political career
Order previous president
Vice President SpongeBob Squarepant
Prime Minister Ran in 1965 election
Term of office 1988–1998
Preceded by Marge Simpson
Succeeded by Jasper Beardly
Political party Republican


Homer experienced writer's block from time to time
Homer Simpson is a very crazy man, D'oh you!

Homer Simpson (born Hans Dolph in Capital City, 1953), known to most of Springfield as security inspector Homer, is some kind of yellow goo shapped to look like a human who grew up in Springfield, Ancient America. Homer hated his home country, and later moved to Springfield, Canterbury, South Island New Zealand. He loves donuts and is known for his phrase, "D'oh!" that he says whenever he does something stupid (which is always). He claims to have a wife named Marge and three kids named Bart, Lisa, and Maggie but this has been proven false and that he just made them up because no one wanted to be bothered with him after he apparently took big fat dumps in his neighbor's backyard. It is unknown if Homer is actually a human or not; most people's IQ is between 85 and 100 while Homer's is 20 because he has a crayon stuck up his brain and lodged in his ass. Many people say he is an alien spy and is working for someone called Lenny Leonard. Many people have tried to kill him including the Teletubbies. He is almost as big a loser as George W. Bush. Homer Simpson's notable traits include a former job at NASA, a former hippy, a former millionaire, a former car designer, a former flower smeller, a former Christian, a former friend of a president, a former assistant to a super-villain, a former Stonecutter, a former US Navy sub commander, a former boxer, and a former popular character on a watched cartoon show, which he still manages to maintain since he's bald.

Early life[edit]

Homer Simpson used to be more stupid than he already is since he put hardened crayons up his nose and works at a nuclear power plant. The second he was born he signed a tv contract apparently. Or maybe Fox ran out of material, started filming random people and putting them on TV like they've been doing for quite a while. Nobody knows how he got so fat but some say that he ate Walmart which actually explains alot, like why he likes uncompetitively low prices wherever he shops, alcohol and rock concerts. This is also proved more beliavable since he in one episode becomes a hippie and snorts burnt grass up his earhole.

Biography[edit]

Homer was born in a log cabin in the middle of Yakima, where he grew up farming yaks the town's mascots. Upon reaching age 18 Homer went to Harvard and majored in Doughnuts. After graduation with a -1.0 grade average Homer went on to found Flea Market Mongomery "Its just like an mini-mall!" but later was abducted by aliens. Homer managed to eat his way out of the space ship and landed in Blood Gluch where he changed his name to "Caboose". A popular internet show called Red vs Blue was based off his antics here.

Eventually Homer managed to return to Earth, where he met Marge Simpson and fell in love with her, or maybe he just had gas. When his career as the rapper "Homer Pimpson" failed he and Marge were married and had horrible mutant children. Homer ran for president of the United States the follwing year. Other candidates in the election were Sam Manson and Curious George. It appeared as if he would surely loose when Chuck Norris anounced he would be running as well. But in a twist of fate, Homer ate the other candidates for lunch and was elected by default. Currently Homer lives in the White House, Springfield and hopes to be re-elected. When asked what he will do if he looses, Homer has been quoted responding "D'oh!".

Parenting[edit]

Homer Simpson is the best parent in the world, he strangles his kids and let them be raised by TV, he is also very supportive by hating his kids when they use their talents and stealing their money. Even when his daughter gets elected as president he doesn't seem to care. He's also always there for his kids by hating following them to places and only doing what they want because he has to, or because Beer is involved.

Presidency[edit]

For some stupid reason (probably because he was the only Candide at the time) Homer became the 59th President of the United States, serving a four-year term from 2004-2008 with Peter Griffin as vice president. In a press release earlier this year, Homer said that "I plan to run for re-election, and to make eating at least one donut per day mandatory for every US citizen!" The latter part of this statement came as an extreme

Homer Once got in the Pixel world then got crazy then rolled and rolled until hes brain got crazy with Oscar Wilde

displeasure to Lisa Simpson, who said in return that Homer "was breaching the individual eating rights of the citizens." Due to his real name, it can be argued that he is of Bavarian heritage.

Homer is the security inspector of the local power supply, and a stereotypical educational bureaucrat. He struggles to control the crumbling power plant and is constantly engaged in a battle against its inadequate resources, apathetic and bitter workers, and often rowdy and unenthusiastic co-workers (Carl and Lenny being a standout examples). He often tries to exploit Lisa Simpson's genius to make his town look good.

A strict disciplinarian, Homer has an uptight, militaristic attitude that stems from his years in the army, and service in the Vietnam War. Seymour Homer's father, Sheldon Homer, fought on Abe Simpson's World War II squad.

Copyright lawsuit[edit]

In one of the episodes of The Simpsons, Homer, not moving, stood still. This made Nintendo file a lawsuit, sying that the part of the episode is a copyright violation because Homer ripped off the Stand Still move, and demanded that the part be removed in future broadcasts and DVD releases. The lawsuit began, but ended in .001 seconds because Nintendo claimed that Mario does it more stylishly and the part of the episode was an insult to Nintendo. Homer lost and had to hand over $1295.31 to the plaintiff. So now whenever you stand still and not move, Nintendo will SUE YOU!!!

Homer: The man, the myth, the legend[edit]

According to historians, Homer was completely blind, and at the same time was in fact more than one person. Recent research by Baldrick, Cambridge University's leading archaeologist, has shown that Homer's most likely identities were Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, with a dash of Alan Davies thrown in for good measure. The avalidity of this claim is open to debate, however, following interviews with Fry in the early 1980s.

“Baaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!”

~ Stephen Fry on Whether or not he was Homer

It is a little known fact that he was a keen inventor, coming up with proof that god doesn't exist

Written Works[edit]

Homer is most famous for his two bestselling books, the first being The Illiad: A Deeper Study, and The Odyssey. The first is his award-winning thesis on exactly why Greeks are so terrible at everything american, the answer of course being that they're not true American gayboys. The second is the sequel, dealing with the consequences of the first book, mainly on why every country but Greece is totally awesome. This has a grain of truth to it, as we all know that Greece is not America. Actually Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Inspiration[edit]

Homer claimed that the inspiration for The Iliad and The Odyssey came from the works of several of his contemporaries, including Arnold Schwarzenegegegegegegegegegegegegegegeer, Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segal, and Jean-Claude Van Damme. "The whole concept of the Trojan war," said Homer in an interview with the New York Times, "came to me when I was watching that scene in one of Segal's movies where he's confronted by like fifty ninjas and there's just him but he still manages to butcher them all with the decapitated head of a seal. Of course I had other sources of inspiration, too. Agamemnon is basically a rip off of Arnie in The Terminator, and Helen of Troy is modeled on Elish Cuthbert."

Death[edit]

Homer was also incredibly famous for his competitive eating career. He won numerous awards in the Gyro-eating contests, and even won the Food Olympics (Kilbasah swallow) in that area for an unprecedented 12 years in a row. However, his career was cut short when he accidentally choked on a toothpick. The irony is that the toothpick would not have cut through him if it had one of those small plastic colored wrap thingies on the end of it, the very thing Homer requested to have removed. It was the only time he had it removed, since it was actually a dare to see if he could eat an all-toothpick gyro.

Homer was killed before the end of time as it was the end of The Simpsons. However, the Simpsons will never end; thus, Homer Simpson was proved to be immortal. However, God said that it would be unfair to let him live forever. So he died in the year 2999 with the rest of the Simpsons. They were replaced by Futurama.

Rebirth[edit]

Scientists of now believe Homer will be revived before the beginning of Time II.

Theories[edit]

There are lots of theories about Homer Simpson and things about him. You've heard the theory about how he got so fat.

  • A theory of how he got increadibly stupid is that during the WWII his mother got captured by german anti nazi rebels who thought she was carrying hitlers child so they used a device to make it stupid.
  • A theory about his appetite is that Aliens wanted to make an experiment of how much a human can eat so they installed a probe that made him always hungry, this theory is even stupider than the one about the German Anti-Nazi rebels.
  • A theory about how he got Marge to love him is that he went to china and got some kind of love potion from a store who got it from a Norwegian drug dealer who got it from a spanish witch and then Homer used it on Marge, this is the stupidest theory of all, since we all know that there are no Norwegian drug dealers.
  • Scientists have recently discovored Homor Simpson was behind the 9-11 attack, like Cartman thought in South Park, so if you thought Cartman is retarded, shame on you.

Philosophy[edit]

Homer Simpson is a well known philosopher. Below is a complete list of his pfilosophical beliefs.

  • The Philosophy of D'oh
  • The Theory of D'oh
  • Homer has a 13 inch wang
  • References to genitalia at the end of lists aren't funny

Quogghhhtes[edit]

Homer angrily yells for his son Bart Simpson who bit off his nose.
  • In accordance with the will of the great Lord Michael, Homer Simpson ROCKS!!!
  • It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won!
  • Tell me, O muse, of that ingenious hero who travelled far and wide after he had sacred the
    Homer's Pokemon That he made with Pokemon Maker 2.0
    famous town of Troy. Many cities did he visit, and many were the nations with whose manners and customs he was acquainted; moreover he suffered much by sea while trying to save his own life and bring his men safely home; but do what he might he could not save his men, for they perished through their own sheer folly in eating the cattle of the Sun-god Hyperion; so the god prevented them from ever reaching home. Tell me, too, about all these things, O daughter of Jove, from whatsoever source you may know them. Mmmmm... daughter of Jove.
  • MAAARGE! YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEEEART!
  • Beer, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. But especially the cause, and *especially* the solution.
  • " If he's so smart, how come he's dead?"
  • Hey, this man is not breathing. Don't people usually breathe?
  • Is there anything donuts can't do?(flashback ensues)
  • D'oh!
  • You stink, Flanders!
  • Darn you rock 'em sock 'em robots! Can't we all just get along?!
  • I have a gun. I don't have to be careful.
  • Beer, oooh beer!
  • Hell no! Public transportation is for jerks and morons.
  • All you do is mate and eat and sleep and roll around in your own filth and mate and sleep and mate ....and where do I sign up? Here? Oh... what do you need my credit card number for? Really? Administration costs, you say? Sounds reasonable. -Homer Simpson on Furries
  • No Beer and no TV make Homer ... Something ... Something.
  • AAGH! That stings more than it tickles!
  • Don't worry Marge, If there's ever a fire then the smoke will wake us.
  • If I don't see it, it's not illegal!
  • Homer: Hello, I am Mr. Burns, I believe you have a letter for me.

Post Office Guy: Alright Mr. Burns, what's your first name?
Homer: "I dont know."

  • Ah...you can really taste the goat.
  • Why you little!
  • Bring it on crabbutt!
  • Marge, What about using the electric chair to cook children?
  • (When house was on fire):
    How does the song go again? Oh yeah:
    When a fire starts to burn,
    There's a lesson you must learn,
    ... err... something... something then you'll see,
    You'll avoid catastrophe!
    D'oh!
  • It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone. Uh, 'Amazing Stories.'
  • All right brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with poison.
  • This donut has some purple in it. Purple is a fruit!
  • Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, you're going to be fine -- although you do seem to have swallowed a number of shark eggs.
    Homer: Actually, that was before I went in the ocean.
    Dr. Hibbert: Well, I don't want to pry into your personal life --
    Homer: Then don't.
  • I'm stuck, and I have to pee! ... Now I'm just stuck.
  • Your breath smells like dead rabbit
  • Kent Brockman: Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur...
    Homer: I assume you mean that metaphorically rather than literally?
    Kent Brockman: OK, my director is telling me not to speak to you anymore...
    Homer: Fuck you, whitey!
  • To start, press any key...Wheres the any key?! i see esc, ctrl and pg up..there doesnt seem to be any any key! Assuming, of course, 'any' refers to a particular key, rather than simply tapping one of the available keys.
  • There's jelly everywhere!
    Homer Simpson in all his glory. What face!
  • I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down"
  • Water, water everywhere, so lets all have a drink.
  • Stupid sexy Flanders.
  • If Jesus was so great, then how come he's dead?
  • I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Mmmm Part-time Job[edit]

Homer(AKA stinkin' Dr. Simpson) drives the Springfield Ghostbusters' "Ecto 1" vehicle to the scene of a ghost attack so he can "s*** some ghosts."
Homer gets ready to capture a rather menacing, stinkin' Mr Burns ghost and lock it in the containment grid at Springfield Ghostbusters HQ
Homerman

In his spare time, Homer Simpson works alongside Lenny and homo Carl Carl at a "Ghostbusters" company (which is affiliated with the Ghostbusters of New York) run by Dr. Frink who is an old friend of Harold Ramis. TO get around from place to place, Dr. Frink and the other ghostbusters use "The Homer" car bought from Homer's half brother Herb. Dr. Frink then modified the vehicle, painted it white, and slapped a Ghostbusters logo on each door of the car. Dr. Frink called the vehicle Ecto 1, named after the station wagon ambulance that the ghostbusters of Your Mom Town used to get around. Homer and the other ghostbusters have battled many ghosts and one time they even teamed up with Danny Phantom to capture The Ghost of Hitler and his army of Ghost-Nazi Soldiers.[1] Homer Simpson also had a run in the notorious rapist/'rasslin stable, the New World Order.

Homer was born to save this world. He has a part-time job of saving this world.
Well we all know he does not do his job properly.

Attempts to grow hair[edit]

As we all know, Homer Simpson is bald. He has often tried to grow hair, using various products, leading to many crazy situations.

Filmography[edit]

TV Appearance[edit]

This is Homer Simpson!
  • Friends (1998) as Rachel's BF, 'the one with bizarro Ross'
  • Frasier (1999) as Frasier's Temporary Manager
  • Frasier (2001) as bizarro Frasier's Temporary Manager
  • Friends (2001) episode 'the one where bizarro Ross goes around sticking people with pins'
  • Friends (2003) Rachels cheating on Ross
  • Will & Grace (2003)Wills crush on Homer
  • Friends (2003) Rachel says we were on a break!
  • Friends, special edition - FIGHT NIGHT - Ross vs. Homer
  • Lilo & Stich Stich hangs hamsterveil - Homer as fat guy who doesn't get ice cream and is mistaenfor an experiment being that he has yellow skin
  • Stargate SG-1 (2005)episode "Citizen Joe" as Joe Spencer
  • Spongebob Squarepants (2005) episode "Skill Crane" as the lead singer
  • Family Guy (2005): Hit by a tricycle. End of story.
  • Deal or No Deal (2006) Contestant who only Won 1 pence.
  • WWE (2008) in his feud with Vince McMahon
  • Sesame Street(2007)Seen in the backround In Elmos World.

Bibliography[edit]

Trivia[edit]

  • His middle name is Jay
  • Homer annually attends the Pukin'fest where he always successfully eats the puke/pumpkin/cheesecake.
  • Homer is presently the current Vice President of Estonia.
  • Homer is also the President of United States of America using the pseudonym of George W. Bush.
  • Thought to be the alter ego of Anu Saagim.
  • Founder of the website www.uncyclopedia.org
  • Former Chief Advisor of the White House using the pseudonym of Karl Rove.
  • Homer has held every job title in History.
  • Homer is The Uncle in Law of Shigeru Miyamoto.
  • Homer was the founder of the vigilante organisation Springshield, which went on to oppose the local plutocrat Monty Burns
  • In 1716 Homer Simpson married Barbara Cartland.
  • In 1716 (later that night) Homer Simpson divorced Barbara Cartland.
  • Run unsuccessfully as governor candidate for California in 2004.
  • Homer is considered one of the greatest footskaters of all time
  • Homer doesn't know what "one plus two plus negative three equals"
  • Homer is addicted to painkillers.
  • He's about to hit a chestnut tree
  • Homer was convicted of attempted insecticide and aggravated buggery
  • Was gay for a while, but after 25 years, didn't really think it was his style.
  • Homer can eat 4536 donuts while juggling 97 french whores and 6 golf carts
  • Homer is immortal
  • Homer`s first words were du`h in 1800
  • Homer`s second words were Du`h in 1987
  • Homer did Ph.d graduate!!!(yeah u know wat that is passed high school wit great difficulty)
  • Created the Donut monster, but it escaped Homer's house. It must have been a smart donut.

Rap Career[edit]

Homer started his own rap career under the name Homer Pimpson and wrote many songs.

Homer's Rap album

Homer, despite popular myths, was the one shot nine times; NOT 50 cent. He also made all the songs 50 cent had in his career and, he was Batman at the same time.

His hit songs includes "Running out of D'oh!"

See also[edit]


Famous Simpsons
Jessica Simpson Homer Simpson
Bart Simpson OJ Simpson
Abe Simpson Ashlee Simpson