Homicidal screaming carrots

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Homicidal screaming carrots are vicious creatures that tend to fly around in large swarms, emitting thin, whiny, high-pitched screams. They have only one desire; violently poking people to death while emitting their horrifying screams.

Artist's impression of a homicidal screaming carrot searching for its next victim.


Homicidal screaming carrots tend to spend most of their time flying around at night, looking for prey. Once a carrot has spotted a person, the entire swarm will collectively hunt him or her down. While doing so, they emitt the screams that they have become so feared for; screams that in many cases are so gutwrenchingly horrifying that whoever unfortunate enough to hear them inevitably suffer an instantaneous heart attack. Whenever this occur, the carrots will immedietly perform first aid while sending after an ambulance. As soon as the person has recovered, the hunt will continue. Once the victim has successfully been caught without suffering from heart failure, the vicious carrots then proceed to poke the person to death; a slow, painful process, the carrying out of which is generally referred to as poker.

There have also been a small number of reports detailing the attempts by carrots to enter the body through the anus. In the event that it thould happen - something highly unlikely, unless you happen to be a Japanese schoolgirl - you are recommended to commit suicide as soon as possible; you do not want to know what happens once the carrot reaches the colon.

A homicidal screaming carrot seen here preparing to poke a midget Mario to death. Also pictured: a small fluffy thing.


Once the victim chosen by the carrots has been poked to death, the carrots will attach themselves to the ears, nostrils, mouth, and armpits of the person. Soon therefter, the person will revive, remembering nothing of the encounter, but having to live the rest of his life with the carrots attached. Eventually, the constant, whiny screams of the carrots will drive the person completely, irreversibly bat fuck insane. Once this has happened, new carrots will periodically spring forth from under the fingernails of the person and take off, looking for new victims.

Where To Find[edit]

They will appear when least expected. Sometimes, they do so in the form of carrotified members of the Spanish Inquisition, whose armpits are loaded with carrots ready to be fired at you. Otherwise, simply wait, and pay attention to any unexpected, whiny noises you hear.

Recent scientific data has revealed that it may be possible for humans to evolve into Homicidal Screaming Carrot Tops.

How To Encounter[edit]

If you encounter them, there is only one way to prevent them from poking you to death, namely chewing on them. However, as you do this, their horrific death screams will instantly drive you raging mad, making you swallow them, something that has the - in most cases undesired - result of causing you to suddenly exclaim "HURRGH!!!" and become an undead, devoted worshipper of The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness. In other words, you are absolutely screwed. There is simply no way to escape them unscathed. Should you encounter them, and chances are at that you will, sooner or later, you are doomed! DOOMED!11