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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Homosexual.

Homosexual is a term that derives from the words "homo" or one in the image of God, and "sexual", or having to do with sexual relationships. It is used to describe someone that is attracted to their own gender, though in the eyes of most morons, it describes a person that was essentially screwed by God at birth and is going to end up in Hell.


Specially trained elite officers appointed by President Woodrow Wilson and the Christian Society to handle reports of suspected homosexuality

In the beginning, God created the animals, and then he created Adam. He assigned Adam the task to name the animals. He did so faithfully but, after a while, he got bored and lonely, and, one night while with one of the creatures he had named, his carnal instincts finally got the best of him. God was displeased, and to punish him, he knocked Adam into a coma, ripped out one of his ribs, and fashioned Eve out of it. Through this, Adam was able to have sex with himself, and God saw that it was good.

A typical homo in the Philippines enjoying his icecream.

Much later, after the world was populated via extraordinary amounts of incest, God's attention came to the town of Sodom. He noticed that men there were having sex with other men, rather than with themselves. This angered God greatly, partly because he was tired of being racist and sexist, but mostly because he wanted some of the action, who proceeded to destroy the town. Except for that one bitch he turned into salt for peeking. And so, to this day, homosexuality has remained a sin (unless God is one of the people involved); the Bible declared that sex is something to be done with one's siblings, children, or wife.

Types of Homosexuals[edit]

A butch (left) and a femme (right)
  • Butches are rugged, manly gays. They are the most dangerous because they often camouflage as straight guys. The main difference is the Uzi they carry around to shoot everyone who's Christian with.
  • Femmes are the gays who look like prepubescent girls. They're those annoying lispy guys who you really wanna punch.

Religious Implications[edit]

Homosexuality is covered under one of the "One-Hundred and Thirty-Six New Commandments" that were handed down to various popes across the century in the Vatican nightclub "Holy Fuck." the commandment reads that:

  • Thou shalt kill all Jews, Muslims, and gays.

As, under the Bush Administration, the texts of the Church are the primary authoritative doctrines, Homosexuals around the country are being rounded up by the dozens for extermination. This has led to suspected abuse of the system, where people claim their hated neighbors are homosexual, causing the neighbor to be lost to the inquisition.

Medical Status of Homosexuality[edit]

The Center for Disease Control Prevention classifies Homosexuality in a number of ways.

Disease susceptibility[edit]

Homosexuality is classified in part as a manifestation of disease or condition susceptibilities. Among these conditions are:

  • Rectal cancer
  • Hemorrhoids
  • AIDS, syphilis, and other venereal diseases.
  • Sore Ass Syndrome
  • Bob Dole Syndrome

As a contraceptive[edit]

The use of homosexuality as a contraceptive is currently being researched; however, scientists have no definitive answers as to whether homosexuality would be an effective form of birth control. Although being a homosexual does appear to at least hamper reproduction, it does not necessarily prevent it.

It should be noted, however, that a homosexual that is handed over to the catholic church will become breathing impaired, and therefore incapable of producing offspring in such a particular instance.

Self-help groups[edit]

Due to the inherent danger of "coming out of the closet," self help groups tend to exist in the form of secret societies and, as such, little information is available about the few that exist. They are rumored to be deeply rooted in mid-California.