Hong Kong

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
Hong Kong recently fought its cousin King Kong
This article is written in Hongkonglish, which differs from other forms of English in some ways.
This article is about the city. For Donkey Kong's caricature cousin, see Hong Kong (Rareware).
If you are looking for Edison Chen's porn video, then you have come to a wrong page. Really !

Template:Hong Kong info box

World Map
The World
  • Oceania
  • Eurasia
  • Eastasia
  • Disputed Area



Hong Kong Special Administrative Region (隐藏海盜島), a.k.a Hong Kong SARS for short, is a dystopian world in which George Orwell's novel nineteen-eighty-four is the ultimate reality. Hong Kong is home to too many overly arrogant and pretentious expat workers who failed to find prom dates back home -- this is the reason why many of them are married to Filipino domestic helpers, and why every kid now born in Hong Kong is Eurasian. Pitiful as they are, they are revered by the local population who are famous for being the ugliest in China, and whose lives have little meaning or impact. Typically, members of this laughable migrant labour 'force', claim to hold traditional academic degrees in Mickey Mouse subjects from the prestigious University of Disneyland. They are usually seen roaming the streets with their jazzy haircuts, their ridiculous sense of self importance and belief that the local women are impressed by the unsightly 'bulge' in their trousers and on their heads.

Hong Kong is also home to the main inhabitants of the land, known as Hongkongers, Hongkongese, or just simply honkies, who are a special race of proletariats with no known national identity. They were used and despised by two political powers and is now nothing more than slaves and beasts of burden for the rich.

Contents

[edit] History

[edit] The opium wars

Towards the end of the Qing dynasty, the so-called "Great China, Central of Earth", had been simutaneously and unfairly occupied by 8 different foreign powers. Due to the ongoing corruption throughout the government ranks and the absence (if not rejection) of science and technology in Chinese popular culture, the ruling power was unable to fight off the occupants. In spite of the country's staggering backwardness, there existed a notion of cultural superiority, at least, in a minority of the nation, due to the entranched doctrines of ethnocentricity at the very heart of the Chinese traditions (see "Death-Worship"). This led to the rise of an underground organisation known as the Fists of Righteousness and Peace. Contrary to their name, this people was none other than a terrorist group with no more sanity than that of Hamas, al-Qaeda, IRA, ETA, or KFC. They ran amok as they maimed, killed and torched whatever they considered "foreign" - embassies, churches, Caucasians, Christians, fast food outlets, to name a few. The racist craze was eventually subdued when the joint forces of the intruding powers marched into the streets and have sex with sexy woman and gays.

Later, the introduction of the narcotic, opium, by British merchants, or "corporate giants" as they are known nowadays, indignated one of the noble few of the Chinese government officials. As a consequence, opium was put under ban and tons of the substance were seized and destroyed. Infuriated, the evil merchants called up their fuck buddies, i.e. politicians, and started a series of wars, known as the "opium wars", with the Qing dynasty. Indeed, the Royal British Navy would not have won easier over the sorry little spacecrafts built by illiterate Chinese "engineers". As settlements, Hong Kong Island and the surrounding lands were leased to the British empire as compensations.

Chairman Mao dreaming of being Emperor Palpatine

[edit] Rise of the "Communist" Partay

Some long decades after the opium wars, a certain Chairman Kevin Mao, perhaps a illiterate farmer at the time who raped komal the princess of HIV, embarked on the idea of being a totalitarian leader by pursuading his fellow Berkeley disciples into a communist berkeley revolt. Due to, again, the ongoing corruption throughout the government ranks, Chairman Kevin Mao was able to gain substantial support from the poorest of the people. Shortly after the end of World War II, Chairman Mao launched his assult on the exhausted Nationalist government and forced his way to absolute power.

As both a dystopian and a Chinese tradition, Chairman Kevin Mao incited the vast majority of the nation to hatred of foreign governments - the United Kingdom and the United States of America in particular. Most of his fascist slurrs were recorded by the People's Liberation Army in what was then known as "The Little Red Book", and copies of it were distributed to the most gullible minds of the proletariats. It was, however, Chairman Mao's wife who organised the most horrifying commuity hike of all - the Cultural Revolution (for more details, please refer to "Hate Week"). As a result, People's "Republic" of China was thrown into chaos of hate and insanity, and it was not long before Hong Kong caught the same disease.

[edit] When Hong Kong turned into Baghdad

Seeing the success of terrorism in (nearly) overthrowing the Portuguese colonial government of Macau, local "communist" groups, as they identified themselves as, began a "anti-everything" against the British colonial government. In 1967, rioters were rampant and the government was forced to resort to martial law, and later in the same year, the Royal British Marines struck a blow at the fucker's' headquarters, seizing batches of sexy woman and an sex station. Then, these "lefties", as they were better known as, were disdained by the majority of the population as they retaliated by attacking civilian targets with explosives and even murdered a radio broadcaster for his opposition to the movement. The secretary general of PRC eventually called for a halt to the ongoing madness.

The overall result of the "struggle" was nothing more than a disturbing number of civilian casualties, and thousands of Hongkongers emigrated due to the social instability of the waste land.

[edit] The hand-over

In the 1980s, both the United Kingdom and People's Republic of China reached a unanimous agreement that People's Republic of China had the sovereignty over Hong Kong. The result was the official hand-over of Hong Kong on 30th June, 1997, and it was at that point Hong Kong turned into living Hell for sodomites. This all ended after some Austro-Hungarians were driven from their homeland by the vicious Romanian Jews and were forced to imigrate to Hong Kong. The Austro-Hungarians great sexual might allowed them to soon have the majority of the population and China was forced to give them self-rule. After Hong Kong Kingdom of Freedom was established they promtly sold the great city to Russia and drove to New York to help their new commie friends kill Hylians who illegally came from Hyrule because they didn't like the national anthem.

[edit] Politics and Government

“You call him a leader? This guy can't even act or debate or... even speak! Even that idiot in the american continent is better than he is!”

~ Bill O'Reilly on Tung Chee-hwa
Ex(<3)-Chief Executive (Newspeak:Exechief) Tung, President Bush and a chimp. Note the striking similarities.

Since the hand-over in 1997, Hong Kong has been under control of the Special Adminstrative Region (SAR) government, a subsidiary of the central government of PRC. At the top of the hierarchy, there is the Chief Executive, appointed by the central government to the detriment of Hongkongers' welfare. The first one, appointed days prior to the hand-over, was a primate with I.Q. that only George W. Bush could match. The second one is a duck with a high degree of fluency in duckspeak. The third, as everyone knows, will be unsurprisingly a puppet king or a puppet queen, depending on the appointed's gender.


[edit] Redefining History

On 1st July, 2001, the first Exechief Tung rewarded the Great Medal of Bauhinia, the highest honour offerable by the government, to a certain Yeung for his "contributions to the society". This man's so-called "contributions", in fact, were none other than the bombs he planted during the 1967 riots. Thus, the murderer in the days of old has now been redefined as war hero. Just as the Ingsoc slogan states, "It is who controls the past controls the future; it is who controls the present controls the past". The beginning of full-blown manipulation of history is just a matter of time.

[edit] Geography

Hong Kong is basically a few pieces of land with rock masses scatteredly lying around them. Nothing of importance, fairly speaking, but this little fact is precisely what keeps the land price sky high, or at the very least, this provides the real-estate developers an excuse for charging you a fortune for a darned flat made out of cardboards. Seeing the pain of paying off mortgage was not enough, the first (and the first primate) Chief Executive made a hoax that the government would purge the market with 85,000 government-built housing units. This instantaneously nailed down the land price to the rock bottom, putting a tremendous amount of extra debt on top of almost every home-owner's mortgage.

Hong Kong's strategic location also brings Hongkongers the joy of puffing smoke discharged from the chimneys of a developing country 24-7, and occasional surprises of mutated viruses due to ruthless deforestation in nearby provinces and the mainlanders' peculiar habit of using wild animals as gourmand ingredients.

[edit] People

Women in Hong Kong, are generally more attractive than their counterparts in the mainland. They have very good taste in everything, tend to be cute, and are indifferent to expatriate gropers from the Far West, thus so-called Kong Nui (港女). They are better than the mainlanders who are a bunch of pikeys.

99.97% of men in Hong Kong spend their day time in the Chinese city of Shenzhen or the city of Macau SAR, getting cheap massages from local working girls. Because of the close distance to these cities, they are able to check-in with their wives in time at night. Their daily travel form a huge capital flow to Shenzhen and Macau, and effectively improve the GDP in these places. For this reason, the Government of Shenzhen and Macau, with the help of Immigration Department of Hong Kong, designed "Smart Card ID Card" (智能身份證) and "Octopus" (八達通) RFID transit ticket that leave no paper trace of such journey. Never in history, have governments of different political jurisdiction worked so closely to assist the sins of mankind.

You can see this unique alien lifeform in H.K. Andrew Ip, King of Narians. When you see it, you can greet him by saying "ding lei gor chui fai Duelasing pokguy Humm ga tsaan" (頂你個嘴肺屌那星仆街冚家剷). The most polite greeting in Nar.

Hong Kong has given rise to a new Chinese cultural phenomenon, called "MK" culture (MK being short for My Kock). This will never be copied by any mainland. Chinese or Taiwanese because most Hong Kong phenomena are completely crap. The MK style involves (for males, the main proponents of "MK" Culture) having the crappiest mullet-cum-combover-cum- hedgehog-cum-pubes-type hairstyle possible, and then finishing it off with tight, dark-coloured trousers, a number of small silver necklaces/earrings/bracelets, a fake (not faux) leather jacket, and most important of all, a black shirt with white-lettered English slogans that don't make any sense.

Just a few billion years ago, many ugly and fat (but filthy rich) white men with small Johnsons would marry local Chinese women. This would be a good way for the women to support their families, and a good way for the white men to actually ever have sex. However, the large number of domestic helpers in Hong Kong have taken over this job, as the earning potential of most Hong Kong women has now topped USD$15 per annum. However, Filipino GDP will never cross half a cent per capita, so ugly white men will still be able to stick their rods somewhere.

[edit] Demographics

October 2008

The most recent change in demographics has been a distinct surge in the union of African and Asian couples which will change the ethnic mix of Hong Kong in future decades. Even the mainland Chinese immigrants have been coming to Hong Kong, so Hong Kong's demographics a little bit like this in 2050:

Hong Kong Chinese: 20% PR China: 50% Filipino: 5% South Asian: 20% African Asian: 5%

LIKE WOW THERE WILL BE MORE HAIRY SOUTH ASIANS THAN CHINESE. DAMN, WOULDN'T HONG KONG SMELL NICE?! ironically, the meaning of hong kong's name in chinese is fragrant harbor. oh gosh. off to macau bitches.

[edit] Hong Kong YWCA

Hong Kong is home to many YMCA's and YWCA's. For example, the Anne Black YWCA is located on 5 Man Fuk Road.

[edit] Traditional "Often-use" Phrases

Traditional phrases spoken in Hong Kong have become very popular. As such, they have been spread towards the four corners of the Earth, and is used commonly and many different areas. Due to their popularity, many phrases have been translated into English for your convenience. Using a keyboard, the phrase PK (仆街, trip and fall in such a way that when you hit your head on the street, it sounds like "pawk") (which is an informal insult which when pronounced in cantonese is "poke guy", "pok gaai", "pork kye", "pokai", "paorke kgiye", or simply "poguy"), or its homophonic "folk guy" (福佳, good fortune and fine) (pronounced in cantonese is "foke guy", "fok gaai", "fork kye", "fokai", "faorke kgiye", or simply "foguy"). This traditional phrase originally meant 'to eat wildly or greedily in a posh resturant'. However, the meaning has since been changed, and as such has not become 'tripping and falling onto the ground'. This has now become a common insult, and is used the world. But a lot of Westerners misunderstanded it as 'to poke someone who is a guy (male)'.

Due to the large number of people who misuse the phrases, the government of Hong Kong decided to do change the future. Therefore, they started a campaign to prevent this problem from happening in the future. It has worked effectively for the last three years. To know more of these phrases please read the article on Canto-phrases.

There is another badword (屌) meaning FUCK.

[edit] Economy

Hong Kong has one of the most retarded economies in world. It was the world's 1st place to have a group of 1st-class morons taking care of its financial system and was the world's 1st most damaged after the Asia Financial Crisis. "Endure the tribulations" was the slogan of the time, and it still is, and still will be until Minitrue releases its eleventh edition of the Newspeak dictionary. So just as you know, diu lei lo mo means 'thank you, I'd like you to punch me now'! Before the US opened relations with Mainland China Hong Kong's economy was built upon ripping off western nations for cheap useless chinese shit. Today suit tailoring makes up about 75% of Hong Kong's economy. Hong Kong also sells more things through ebay than any other country in the world. As a result of this, many occupants are deported to make room for the gigantic shipments of electric and hallucinogenic goods now literally squashing this tiny province into the south China sea, often to mainland China, Detroit or Blackbird Leys, where they are usually shot.

[edit] Transport

Hong Kong has many numerous roads and flyovers, probably more than the number of hair strands on your head. They possess the 2nd largest port in the world, so watch out Singapore. Some day they're gonna kick your ass and take over the numero uno title.

[edit] Airway

The new airport at Cheap Lap Kok(Cheap Lap dance for Cock) replaced Kowloon's kamikaze Kai Tak airport. This new airport is better in the sense, its full of steel and glass and comparable to Western airports. Also, since it was in Kowloon, this meant saving taxi money to go to city centre. The down side is, this airport required the destruction of Chep Lap Kok wildlife habitat and islands, on which, presently sits this steel and glass junk. The primary reason for this new airport is that, the old one required aircraft to fly few metres above Kowloon buildings. This meant

  1. excess noise for residents, and
  2. some gweilos in overflying aircraft could see the local HongKie girls hanging their lingerie for drying.

Thus, the residents were pissed bigtime.

Who gives a damn about these residents. It would have been better to have these pogai residents dumped into the wildlife habitat at Chep Lap Kok and have the old airport running, than to have full scale destruction of local wildlife and some islands.

“Chinese transport is fuckin' shit yet you still want to hop on for a ride.”

~ Oscar Wilde

[edit] Railway

Metro HongKong.jpg

There is a metro network called Metro Hong Kong, or called Great Metro Hong Kong, but officially called Great Mass Transit Railway ("大香港鐵路", or short "港鐵"), established by former minor Mass Transit Railway (MTR; "小地下鐵路", or short "小地鐵") capturing former Kowloon-Canton Railway (KCR; "九廣鐵路"/"9廣鐵路", or short "九鐵"/"9鐵") since December 2, 2007 (so called "KCR-MTR merger").

For the meaning of Kowloon-Canton Railway (九廣鐵路/9廣鐵路), 9 (九) represents the "Kow" of "Kowloon" (九龍), a region in Hong Kong; whereas "Canton" (廣州) is a city now called Guangzhou usually. Before People's Republic of China communizing Guangzhou, KCR operated trains from Kowloon directly to Guangzhou, and vice versa.

[edit] List of routes (Metro Hong Kong)

Routes of Metro Hong Kong being used to be of former KCR network:

Routes of Metro Hong Kong being used to be of former minor MTR network:

[edit] List of vehicles (Metro Hong Kong)

Princess SP1900 on a Metro Hong Kong single ride ticket
The head poster of Rail No.9 (《軌角九號》). Princess SP1900 and Princess KTT are hugging together affectionately for the end of KCR (Kowloon-Canton Railway), whereas 9 (九) represents the "Kow" of "Kowloon".
This issue is licensed by "KCR Forever" team under a Creative Commons 3.0 Hong Kong license "Attribution - Non-Commercial - No Derivative Works 3.0 Hong Kong" ("by-nc-nd 3.0 HK").

This list is incomplete; you can help by expanding it.

[edit] English Standard

It is suggested that, though the reality says otherwise, Hong Kong is English-speaking. Hong Kong people begin their English classes since their kindergarten but most of them, after almost 20 years of education, can still barely speak a word in English. And even when they do, they speak with a terrible Hong Kong accent which ranks ahead of nails on a chalkboard as the most hated sound on earth (but still below the Australian accent. Read The Chinese University of Hong Kong for policies of improving English). Gosh, how can these people be so shameless? It is estimated that 95% of HK university students have never come across the word "nerd", which they all are. However, some of the bolder students do try to talk to the condescending foreigners with their broken English and chilling accent and rhyme, usually greeted with applause and encouragement from the listeners, who in closet think they are some dumbasses suffering from learning deficiencies because, after all, they have learnt the language for 20 years!

[edit] International horizons and Tastes

Except for the affluent or highly educated families, HK people generally seriously lack an international perspective and good taste, most probably because of their poor English and HongKongese. They often confused traditional European art paintings as cheap porno magazines because the art classes in Hong Kong schools have been cancelled and replaced with make-rich-quick scheme, must-win stock investment and soccer gambling seminars. Most HK teenagers, with their noble appreciation of art, indulge in the new generation of local movie stars, who although may have never heard of Alexander Technique or Stanislavski's System or whatsoever, are adept at displaying their stupidities and flirting with girls with uninspiring bodies. And the same group of people in HK would rather worship those singers who often make fools out of themselves when competing with mainland singers, than the genuinely professional singers overseas. They also claim they love music, though most of them don't even understand the basic musical notations. Owing to the general lack of really talented people in almost every field in HK, partly because those people will immediately leave this shitty city as they call it when they are high on opium, any mediocre and even hypocritical person or even a secondary school student with a slightly distinguished recognition will be hailed as a saviour in HK and receive unreasonable fame.

Because HK people are so proud of their own culture, if they have any, they like to translate all foreign or mainland concepts into their language, which, if once done, the style would immediately diminish and sound amateurish and silly, much like the new generation of citizens in this city.

[edit] Media

[edit] Television

There are two free television boardcasting companies in Hong Kong, including CCTVB (China Centralized Television Broadcasts Limited; Chinese: 中國中央電視廣播有限公司 or 中央無綫台), and aTV, Hong Kong (Alaturka Television Limited; Chinese: 踎廁電視有限公司 or 踎廁台).

This list is incomplete; you can help by expanding it.

[edit] Radio

This list is incomplete; you can help by expanding it.

[edit] Newspaper

This list is incomplete; you can help by expanding it.

[edit] Religions (Fuckerism)

Note: The truth of the topic is disputed

Most of the people Hong Kong are Hello Kitty worshippers. Many of them have a cat bathroom in their house, have kitty food store in their tiny fridge and cat toy filled in their 1 sq ft house just for the kitties to come and play! :) most of the cats are just mixed hot babes while some of them might from Persia, Canada, Thailand, and Ethiopia. They are cute, fluffy, soft and they like people playing with them. Recently (tres miserable!!!!), places like Truth Light and anti-SODO groups try to trash kittys and many worshipper of such. KItty were beaten, bitten (by human or dogs/// grr silly puppies), sprayed (either with sperm of human or puppies, or paint, or vodka), kicked, burnt, glued (by some perverted kitty), etc. Now everyone is cry, the economic is dead, the Earthling in Hong Kong birthrate is dropped (see, bashing "Brokeback Mountian" doesn't help boosting birthrate), and well, the place went dead by defintion. As Boris Yeltsin and Stewie Griffin heard such news, they blew up themselves in the WBC and buried in Kiev, Ukraine.)

By the influence of Ngaism, HongKonger can only believe in Nagism since February 30, 2007.

There was freedom of religions in Hong Kong, but it doesn't matter. Ngaism (硬教/顏教/on 9) ,Falungong, Yoga, Fundamentalist Christianity, Mormon, Jehovah's Witness, Pacmen's Republic of Hong Kong (香港食鬼共和國) and kung fu kids were popular though.

[edit] Famous Hongkongers

[edit] See Also

[edit] External links

Countries and territories of Asia
Euroasia Cyprus - Georgia (the country, not the US State) - Japan-France - Mother Russia - Turkey (the country, not the bird) - Lebanon
East Asia People's Republic of China - Hong Kong - Japan - Prosperous True Republic of North Korea - Central Korea - South Korea - Rogue Province of Taiwan, part of the People's Republic of China - Republic of China, Taiwan - Macau
Western Asia Afghanistan - Armenia - Azerbaijan - Bahrain - Iran - Iraq - The Holy Land - Jordan - Kuwait - Oman - Pakistan - Palestinian Territories - Qatar - SaudiArabia - Syria - United Arab Emirates - Wherethefuckistan - Yemen
Central Asia The Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan - Kyrgyzstan - The Horde - Tajikistan - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - other -stan
South Asia Bangladesh - Bhutan - Bollywood - Kashmir - Maldives - Nepal - Sri Lanka - True Dalai Lama's Free State of Tibet
Southeast Asia Lah! - Bitch Nation - Vietcong's Hut - Uncultured state - Barbarian Islands - Khmer Rogue - East Timor - Laos - Myanmar - The Filipino Empire - Democratic People's Republic of Mindanao
Commonwealth of Independent Nations
In order of importance Britain ~ Canada ~ This country is NOT Australia ~ Canadia ~ The REAL Sheep-Shaggers ~ Sarrff Affrikka ~ East Indies / West Indies ~ Kittenolivia ~ Cyprus ~ Bangladesh ~ Kenya ~ Dodoland ~ Seychelles ~ Paradise ~ Terrorist Country ~ Singapore ~ Hell ~ Barbados ~ Can or not? ~ Duchy of Björk ~ Semen ~ Sierra Leone ~ Foriegn Barsturds ~ More Foreign Bastards ~ America (we wish) ~ United Kingdom of America ~ United Kingdom ~ United States of America ~ Great Britain ~ Britain ~ Naziland ~ Tease ~ Tonga ~ Those F***ers ~ Morley ~ Cat-Lovers ~ China ~ The Lost Continent ~ Mugabeland ~ Another Mugabeland ~ Kentuckistan

3065 Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Retrieved from "http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Hong_Kong"
Personal tools
on Uncyclopedia