Hopscotch

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Hopscotch.
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Scotch?
Typical hopscotch board.

“I just want more; I can't get enough of you

~ Tamia on Scotch

“To play hopscotch, you hop!”

~ Captain Obvious on hopscotch


Hopscotch is a professional sport the CIA uses to eliminate children who attempt to commit suicide, and is also one of the primary exports of Scotland. The objective of the game is to die, but in reality everyone just becomes stupid. Many believe it is a cure for cancer because when you die, the cancer cells die too.

How to play[edit]

Oh my god! You don't know how to play!? It is so obvious, even Captain Obvious can play! But if you seriously need help with that, then fine(you are a nitwit, obviously). Here are the directions.

  1. Hop
  2. Hop again!
  3. You don't get it yet? Then you are a cabbage head.

History of hopscotch[edit]

Modern experts, such as Gavin Menzies and John Kerry[nb 3], believe the Chinese President in the 5th century B.C. held a council of China's top scientists, and asked said scientists to invent a professional sport for disposing of children who attempt to commit suicide.

Fans[edit]

Hopscotch has absolutely no fans. To be precise, hopscotch had one fan in the year 1201, who was immediantly killed by the Roman army. Modern theory assumes that this is because hopscotch is such a boring game that being a fan is breaking Newton's second law (and also Newton's first law).

Notes[edit]

  1. Nested footnotes!
  2. John Kerry does believe this... (and so on...)[nb 1]
  3. John Kerry does not believe this.[nb 2]