Horcrux

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This article is very scary, and may cause : The heads of young children to asplode Bald men who are over 50 to lactate much more than usual, then implode Your genitals to remove themselves from your body and run away, then explode Your heart to jump out and attack you, then blow up. You to grow another penis, then detonate

You should stop reading it. Then kick your computer away and go make some nice tea. If that doesn't stop the effect, then go on foot to Mount Everest and jump, or erupt.

“I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HORCRUXES AND I WOULDN'T TELL YOU IF I DID! Unless you favor me with a morsel of that cheesecake...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Horcruxes

“Well, I never asked for it, that's for certain. There I am, watching Oprah on the couch, and suddenly he bursts in, yelling some gibberish, and I'm a container for his soul. The nerve of some people...”

~ Nagini on Horcruxes

“Id be her Horcrux anyday!”

~ Lars Ulrich on Carmen Electra

Contents 1 What the #$%@ are Horcruxes? 2 What Do You Need? 3 Instructions 4 Famous Horcruxes

[edit] What the #$%@ are Horcruxes?

Horcruxes are objects that contain parts of your torn soul. They are very useful--after you die, Horcruxes are activated, and they live on as you. Today we'll be looking at how to make Horcruxes.

Jesus was thought to have made countless horcruxes, like the holy grail and his lamb.

[edit] What Do You Need?

To make a horcrux, you need:

• The phone book
• Something you like, such as a family heirloom.
• A responsible adult
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, to read while you wait.

[edit] Instructions

Look through the phone book until you find the name of someone you don't like. Show your adult the address, then tell him or her to "weaken them".

When you adult comes back, take a kitcken knife and put it into the enemy's eye very deep. it won't hurt, as long as your adult has beat them into numbness.

Lay your hand on the family heirloom and feel hatred towards the person. You may notice a slight tingling. This will become your horcrux.

[edit] Famous Horcruxes

As well as Jesus's lamb, many famous people have had Horcruxes.

• Lord Voldemort-- Lots of stuff, including Nagini and some of Salazar Slytherin's preserved crap.
• Michael Moore-- That baseball cap. He wants the trip from body to horcrux to be as quick as possible.
• Dick Cheney-- Donald Rumsfeld. Cheney's soul has completely controlled Rumsfeld's body, leaving Rummy with no choice but to comply to the VP's every command.
• Bill Gates-- In an amazing display of stupidity, Gates put his soul into the nostaligc first Windows installation CD. Now, whenever Gates's life is revived, he will be prone to frequent crashes.
• Dick Clark-- The horcruxes themselves are not interesting, the amount is.
• George Clooney -- Safely guarded copies of Ocean's Twelve and Intolerable Cruelty, numbering 6 in all (for we all know that 7 is the magic Horcrux number)
• Oscar Wilde -- Many interesting objects that may not interest you.

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