HowTo:Alienate people based on their skin colour or religion
Son, you've been growing quite tall lately, and you're growing more of a man every day. So I figure I'm gonna teach something your ancestors have been doing for centuries: alienating people based on their religious views. Your great-great-grand father Cornelius Ass-Face Rogerson was the first man to insult Muslims, Jews, Asians, and Blacks at the same time.
- 1 The Three Rules of Alienation
- 2 Rule 1
- 3 Rule 2
- 4 Rule 3
- 5 Methods of Alienation
- 6 Excluding Someone
- 7 Calling Someone A Name
- 8 Commit Hate Crimes Against Them
- 9 Start a World-Wide Genocide Agianst All That You Hate
- 10 Invite them to a Bacon Party on Christmas Eve (Or bragging or offering something they can't have.)
- 11 Application to Real Life
- 12 In Conclusion
The Three Rules of Alienation
There are Three rules you must remember when alienating people. These rules have been written, edited, and vandalized vigorously, kind of like a Wikipedia article. But do not jugde the wisdom of these rules- they have been through 8 generations of Rogersons.
You are always right.
This is by far the most important rule, and applies to everything else this family does. Whenever you get into an argument that could prove you wrong or actually "enhance" your understanding of a subject, just remember Rule 1 (not 34), and you will "win" the argument and everyone will either walk away angry or the weaked-minded will join you. If anyone disagrees still, then resort to violence. Remember, son, if violence isn't solving a problem, you're not using enough. This tactic has been practiced by many people, such as George Dubya Bush and that guy that starts with H and ends in ler.
They are always wrong.
Like rule 1, but different. Enforce this rule by exercising repeated verbal clubs to the head of your alienees.
Everything you do, say, or imagine is better then anything they will ever do, say, or imagine.
This is important when you agruing/interacting/in the same room as/working for a person with different religious views.
Methods of Alienation
Now that we've covered the basics, son, you now must learn the many methods of the sacred art of AntiSemiti-Fu. There are many ways you can alieante someone, but certain ways works better on different people, so pay attention, damn it!
This one is the staple of the AntiSemitoaist's arsenal. This is by far the most obvious and powerful ways to discriminate. It can vary in strength, depending on what you leave said person out of. This one is also one of the easiest ones to utilise in real life. If your friend, that Jerry-Cohen-Goldfinger guy asks you over for dinner, simply respond "my doctor put me on an all bacon diet." That'll piss him off.
Calling Someone A Name
Another classic, this one is by far the easiest one to use. Simply use that big mouth of yours, son, and spew out as many tainted concoctions that you can think of. This is usually quite easily, as anyone with god damn ears can hear you call your friend Barack-Mohammed-Ackmed-whathisface a terrorist and a disgrace to the euh ess of aeh. Just remember kid, if you ever become famous, DO NOT get caught doing this, its fucked up a lot of celeberties career's, like the Dog's.
Commit Hate Crimes Against Them
This is a very risky tool, as getting caught can lead to years in jail. Son, I don't advise using this one, as the last Rogerson to use it was Jack-Dick-Ass (Yes, that is one word)Rogerson, and he was sent to jail for over 20 years. He got sentenced to more after commiting acts of a different sin with his "weapon" in the showers, bu you'll have to wait a little more to hear about that.
Start a World-Wide Genocide Agianst All That You Hate
Son, I have to be honest, I don't know much about this one, from sheer lack of experince. The Rogersons haven't tried this one yet, and maybe you can be the first. Though my uncle Reltih did move to Germany back when Hitler became poular, and we all know how that ended up.
Invite them to a Bacon Party on Christmas Eve (Or bragging or offering something they can't have.)
Ah, this one brings back good memories. I remember doing this to all my inferior friends, and I had much, how do you kids say it, lulz, I guess. I personally suggest this one, as it is easy to get away with.
Application to Real Life
OK, so you got your tools, and you know the rules. Now, you must learn the final step, doing the god damn thing.
Example 1: Excluding. You: And you're all invited, except that stupid-ass nigger over there. Black Kid: What the fuck did you just say? You: I can't understand you rapping over the sounds of the starving children in Africa! Black Kid: WHAT?
Example 2: Bragging. You: So I was drinking, smoking, and having sex with my one wife last night... Some Mormon Guy: Fuck you.
Example 3: Genocide. You: Dude, could I have a Skittle? Your Jewish Friend: No. You: I will kill your people's babies, murder your wives, enslave the men, turn your rivers to blood, and toads shall rain over the sky of your towns! Your Jewish Friend: Wow.
Now you know all the tricks of the trade, son. You grow up so fast. No remember no matter how much better you are then anyone else who is different, just remember, the more you hate someone, the better you are then them.