HowTo:Appreciate Womp Rats
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Womp rat. The name conjures up notions of revulsion, bravery, sacrifice and stupidity. It is due to the efforts of their discoverer, Dr. G. W. Lucas, Jr., that womp rats have endeared themselves to humans through innuendo and hear-say. Womp rats had heroically acted as practice-targets which enabled star-fighter pilot, Luke Skywalker, to develop the skill needed to blow up the death star in episode IV of the Star Wars saga; and, for that reason alone, they should be accorded the honor due to heroes. Without the specialized training that stationary womp rats offered Luke on Tatooine there is no way in heck he could have hit a two meter hole leading to the reactor. Things might have ended quite differently and there may not have even been episodes V and VI if not for womp rats.
Apart from that, womp rats have no relationship with evil Darth Vader, unlike Luke, nor do they have the hots for their sister - so they are definitely not wicked!. On the contrary, they're wiked, because womp rats have their own page on Wikipedia, which makes them considerably more notable than the vast majority of earthlings who are real sentient people.
What is a womp rat?
For anyone who doesn't already know, the womp rat is a disgustingly non-sentient extraterrestrial rodent-like beast, which dutifully serves as the primary target-of-choice for young star-fighter pilots on the desert-like planet of Tatooine, which is located with in a binary star system in a galaxy far, far away. Accordingly womp rats are of little concern in this galaxy, on planet Earth, or to Uncyclopedia. Still, because they have achieved inter-galatic fame even greater than Uncyclopedia, which is unknown on Tatooine, therefore they deserve a place of honor in the realm of science fiction bullshit.
“I used to bull's-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two meters”
Womp rats are, by nature, docile, and stupidly stand still when being attacked - which makes them an easy target. Usually the smarter ones try to dive for cover. On Tatooine it is seen that smarter womp rats generally outlive the stupid ones. Although never actually seen in any of the Star Wars films, still, you can be certain that Luke Skywalker has seen a womp rat, otherwise he would have missed his shot.
About the size of a donkey on Earth, they are covered in spiny grey-bluish fur, much like hairy fish scales, although they are allergic to water, which, fortunately for them, is scarce on Tatooine. It has been noted that the blue womp rats are more intelligent than the gray ones.
Womp rats are commercial by nature and live primarily off savaging royalties from Lucas Films, which, being in a galaxy far, far away, are few and far between. Therefore womp rats are basically known to be starving most of the time. This accounts for their notorious and inordinately rude disposition, in spite of they're being non-sentient creatures.
Previously unknown on the earth, the womp rats of Tatooine only began to achieve inter-galactic fame when Dr. Lucas released his Star Wars Report to the human race - quite late in the 20th Century AD. But it wasn't until the publication of this Uncyclopedia article that the womp rat's fame reached its zenith.
Habitat & Use
There are three types of womp rats on Tatooine:
- Those that live in Beggar's Canyon,
- Those that live in the Jundland Wastes,
- Those that live in the Dry-swamplands.
Occasionally it has been seen that people on Tatooine have domesticated womp rats as pets. But young pilots like Luke Skywalker use them for target practice while flying a T-16 Skyhopper fighter.
“The stupid ones are not much fun! But stationary targets are the most useful.”
Discovered by Prof. Dr. George Lucas and his extraterrestrial dream team in the late 1970s, Lucas would not allow the creature to be named after him. Their name is derived from “womp”, which is the sound they make when hit by a laser blast.
- "What a load?" BS Times, June 2013
- Bull's Eye, Issue 17o5PPS