HowTo:Get Expelled from School

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School sucks dosen't it? Boring as fuck. Just sit there doing nothing but learn proper grammar. Annd thay teech u speelang 2! OMG duznt tat suk!

Over thousands of years, adolescents deal with impossible, fat, and useless teachers who make their life miserable. But that's just a load of poopy.

So what are you going to do about it? Crying doesn't help. Going on Facebook or a chat room doesn't help. Even making an Uncyclopedia article about the bastard doesn't help! [1]

But getting expelled helps a lot.

What did you do wrong? All you did was set the teacher's desk afire. Teachers are such spazzes.

Step One[edit]

Go up to your teacher and call her/him a slut (or a 'man-ho' if it's a guy). Then if nobody laughs, say "You guys are fucking retards!" By then either you'll be sent to the office. Then she/he'll start blasting at you. Hurl some yo mama jokes at the teacher. The teacher will either laugh, ask you about which website you got them from, or yell at you. Whatever you do, don't jizz your pants . Teachers can smell jizz. They smell it like how they snort cocaine in the teachers' lounge. Slow and good.

Step Two[edit]

You're not finished yet. Wait until you have to pee. Then, pull down your pants, and urinate in the dunce cap. (Note, if in the office, just randomly pee on the floor). Put the dunce cap over his/her head. If you are not wearing a dunce cap, ask for one. If the teacher doesn't have a dunce cap, or none are available; bring your own to school. It's always good to be prepared in this sort of situation. But don't worry about leaks in your dunce cap. A yellow puddle on the floor means you are closer to your ultimate goal.

Now he/she will have smelly piss hair. And he/she'll be fuming. And he/she will have a desire to murder you and throw your corpse in the woods. And yes, you will see the principal next.

Step Three[edit]

Congratulations. You are actually at Step Three. That proves you are not a wimp. Well, you actually still are. Wimp. The principal will ask you a few questions. He'll always have some sort of jar full of Jolly Ranchers or Caramels or something. [2] Take a candy. Who cares. He's just some fat bum that is in charge of a building. He doesn't even own the building, for god's sake. Plus, he probably has over 20 packets of the candies in a little storage drawer. "Excuse me, please listen to what I have to say". Ignore the fucker. Make some joke about 'what' rhyming with 'butt' and 'what' rhyming with 'twat'. "Don't be inappropriate to your teacher. He/she is a very kind man/woman and is nice to all the students. Do you know what he/she goes through in their mind when they see you acting like this?" Ignore the principal. A good idea would be to change the topic. Talk to him about sports. Usually, younger principals fall for these kinds of tricks. If he doesn't budge, point to a picture on his desk. He is probably married, and or has a girlfriend. Now say to him: "Gee, you have a hot wife/girlfriend. Didn't I see them one time fucking some black gangsters in an alleyway?" He may react to this. If he doesn't, then begin to lick his neck in a creepy way, and give him a lapdance. If he gets mad, start throwing things. Take the jar of candy and throw it at him. Then pull down your pants and fart at him in his face. Now, run! Run, I tell you, run!

Step Four[edit]

Ruin the school! Go hyper! Now go into the bathroom and take a huge shit. Take the shit and put it on the walls, the floor, the ceiling! If you are unable to take a shit, then get tons of toilet paper and clog up the toilet. Scare people in the hallway. Make faces at them pretending to be Rick Astley! Sing Beatles songs loudly in the halls...better yet, sing Elvis. If they are calling your name on the P.A. announcer, then scream. Scream like a girl. AAAAAAAAA! Also, another thing to do is anally rape whoever you see in the hallway. Then shout "I AM HITLER"! If any bystanders laugh at that, then bodycheck them and say "2 minutes for interference!" Now run out of the school building. And kick the school janitor. And throw stones at him/her, and empty all the mop buckets.And call him/her a little baby doody head!

Step Five[edit]

Who's in trouble now? Burn in hell, bitches!

If you get suspended (which you probably did), then go back to the school and do arson, like set a fire or do graffiti. Then they'll know to not mess with you [3]. If you however do get arrested, blame your best friend or your uncle, and say that they paid you money to do it. If they don't believe you, then enjoy prison! Or juvie! Or, in worst case scenario, hell!


  1. Or does it?
  2. Usually the principal has something. If not, then he probably has a bunch of pens in a jar. Start throwing pens.
  3. Actually, 8 people have listened to this, and are currently in prison right now.