HowTo:Make a Fat Girl
| HowTo |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
Do you want more of your girlfriend to love? Is a female relation trying to gain weight? Want revenge on your greedy shrew of a girlfriend? If so, this guide to making a fat girl is just for you. Although it is more correct to call this How to Make a Girl Fat or How to Make a Girl Gain Weight, it's just the same as calling this How to Make a Fat Girl. If it seems I'm being sexist, well, I guess I am; fat guys are just nasty to look at.
- 1 Things You Will Need
- 2 First Step
- 3 Step Two
- 4 Fat Girl Anatomy
- 5 Step Three
- 6 Fat Lifestyle
- 7 Results
- 8 Extra Challenges
Things You Will Need
“It always pays to be prepared. I said that, or something...”
Hopefully, you're not as forgetful as MacGyver. Laid out below are the essential things you will need to start this project:
If you are going to make a fat girl, you need a girl, lest you make something else. When looking for a possible target, it is important to keep in mind the girls that are out there. Look for the incredibly ditzy ones that would do anything you say for best results. Here are some common girl types one will find when making selecting a target:
- Fat Girls: Okay, so they are already fat. If you are a beginner, or just want to make her fatter, I suppose you could take the easy way out. Otherwise, see below.
- Girls With Eating Disorders: These girls make the job easier. They already have issues with food and probably a low self-esteem, so they will be able to take insults. For girls with anorexia, just make sure they don't see the scale. for all others, just let their disorder work naturally.
- Girls On a Diet: Although they are trying to lose weight, these kinds of girls have the biggest weakness when it comes to food. In fact, they will eat anything left unattended after a day of nothing but salads. If you use one of these girls, try to convince them they have an eye injury so they can wear a scarf all day and not notice their weight gain; besides, there's nothing as fun as making a slim girl who wants to diet turn into a pillowy, bloated fat girl.
- Overweight Athletic Girls: You've probably seen them before; they're either wearing the too-tight sports outfit with the waist-hugging shirt as their protruding midsection threatens to peak out from above the belt, or they're dressing (even though they're not pregnant) like they regularly shop at Motherhood Maternity. Either way, they're already on their way to becoming fat; all you have to do is hook up with one and begin the feeding process.
- Goth Girls: Risky idea, but I have seen plenty of fat goth girls recently. These crave attention, or at least someone to show their newest outfit to. One the plus side, many wear horizontal stripes, which make them look better.
- Freaky Girls: Not to be confused with goth girls, these are those strange girls in the baggy clothes that do weird things. They can act sporatic and nutty, and some have seemingly endless amounts of energy. Because of the loose clothing they wear, it will be a while before they will out grow clothes, which is an added bonus.
BitchyGirls: You know the type. These are the incredibly stupid, clique members, average high school girls. If can put up with their complaining, just keep food in front of them and they will eat it subconsciously. Attempts at making these kinds of girls fat should only be made by experts.
- Teenage Girls: All of the above could already be teenage girls, so her are some other things to consider. With hormones, puberty, social stress, body image, growing pains, enlarging organs, boob production, increased appetites, mood swings, and an extra feeling of hungriness, it's no wonder that teenage girls are made to get fat.
Food, food, and lots of food! Food is known to make people fat, so you must be able to get access to large amounts of food before you make a fat girl. You will need lots and lots of food.
To maximize weight gain, use the following food pyramid.
- Meat: Meat is an excellent food from the gaining girl. Meat is found on pizza, burgers, and...by itself, I suppose. Meat also has a high amount of fat associated with it, so look for cuts of meat with lots of fat.
- Carbs: Carbohydrates, like pasta, are perfect for making a fat girl. Containing high ammounts of energy, carbs will turn into fat if left alone. By matching lack of exercise with carbs, your girl is soon on they way to gain weight.
- Dairy: Milk based products, including cheese and butter, are almost all fat to begin with. These are great supplements to food your girl is eating.
- Vegetables: SHOULD BE AVOIDED AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! THESE ARE THE MAKINGS OF A SKINNY GIRL! USE CAUTIOUSLY AS TOPPINGS, AND THEN ONLY LETTUCE AND PICKLES.
- Fruit: Just slightly better than vegetables, fruit can be used to lure your target into eating sweets or other food if used as a side or a topping. It's good to make sure that your target eats fruit every once in a while, so they don't get constipated.
- Desserts: Now we are talking! A fat girl's best friend, each will turn into belly flab. A dessert can lead to two, than three, and so on. Although they don't wish to admit it, girls are suckers for desserts.
- Junk Food: Self-explanatory.
- Beverages: Obviously, one cannot live without liquid. The right drink can add weight or help add weight too. Lots of alcohol will result in a beer-belly, milk adds to the boobs, and sodas are full of empty calories that stretch the stomach and lessen the feeling of fullness.
This is a long-term project, and if you are successful, eventually your girl will need bigger clothes. depending on how big you want your girl to get, plan on buying larger sized clothes that will not be worn for long. When you have achieved the results you want, then buy a full wardrobe.
As your girl is in the initial gaining stages, keep these tips in mind. Let clothes be loose and easy to grow into, and do not go for tight clothes just yet.
Do' and don'ts
Gaining Clothing DO'S
Gaining Clothing DON'TS
- Jeans (size 8)
- Button-up shirts
- Suspenders (what kind of girls wears suspenders anyways?)
There is nothing wrong with a fat girl going swimming. But what to wear for a suit? Typically, skinny girls demand the rights to reserve the wearing of bikinis to their kind, leaving fat girls with the one pieces. However, the reverse should be true. Think about it; if your girl gets incredible enormous, there is no one piece available for her. Where are you going to get all that cloth? Skinny girls can wear one pieces easily, but when a girl becomes too fat, a bikini is the only thing she can wear.
Once you have gotten your materials, you are prepared for the hardest part of the process. Usually, your intended target does not know that you are trying to fatten them. This stage involves the careful, psychological manipulation of your target. Basically, you are slowly nudging your target to eat more until they develop an eating lifestyle. An eating lifestyle is a trait common in those who overeat, and you first want your girl to get used to eating an excessive amount of food.
When you interact with your girl, bring a lot of fast food with, and claim that some is hers. In reality, hers has all the food in it. This method is only believable if you make an excuse to leave so she doesn't notice you haven't eaten.
Classically seen in all of those weight-gain stories, keep her surrounded by food so she starts eating it herself. This is done by having plenty of snack bowls out when she is at your house.
Take her to an Italian, Greek, Mexican, or some other foreign female relation's house (preferably far far away.). Usually, these are the fat great-aunts with the heavy accents that believe everyone is too skinny and cook all the time. They live in the middle of nowhere, so your girl will be so bored she will just eat there whole time there.
If it's your thing, perform magic to cause your girl to be interested in getting fat. If you are more scientific, find a virus or drug that will cause her to feel hungry.
Go to the nearest eccentric candy maker's factory and have your girl taste-test the latest gum. Note that she will probably turn blue or purple.
Although it is incredibly risky, you could get the girl pregnant. The bulge of the baby will keep her large for nine months, and give her an excuse to overeat. After the baby is born, a mother eats like a hog to fill up the extra skin, which is why many mothers gain weight afterbirth. Continue for similar results each time.
If step one is successful, your girl now doesn't mind eating too much and doesn't notice all the food you give her. In time, she will become completely absorbed with the thought of eating. Now that she can handle the food, up the ante. There are two ways to use food effectively.
Feed Her Fattening Food
Out of the food you have collected, feed your girl the most unhealthy, most fattening treats of the bunch. This will include fatty cuts of meat, junk-food, desserts, candy, ice cream, butter. What makes this kind of diet special is that in can be used as you tempt your girl to the fat side (Star Wars parody) without arising suspicion. It can be used to transition into the next diet.
Feed Her A Lot Of Food
Once your girl is
brainwashed into an eating machine, up the food portions. An excess of food causes an excess of weight, so feed her a ton of food. This can be used in combination with the above plan of feeding her fatty foods to increase fat production levels. Ex; instead of an ice cream cone, give her the whole carton
Add weight gain stuff (from body builder shops/health shops) to her food for optimal results.
Fat Girl Anatomy
To make a fat girl, one must know the blueprints of a girl. Girls are curvier then men for several reasons, the most basic one is that they were designed to carry fat. Females have body sections that will store the fat your girl gets. To make a fat girl, learn about these body parts.
- The belly: The first and major fat collection site on girls is the belly. It forms into a roll of flab that protrudes from the shirt and pants. It is also the surest sign that a girl is fat. Even if your girl dislikes the bigger belly at first, eventually she won't mind.
- The boobs: The twin beach balls of girls, boobs were designed to store fat in skinny girls. Once your girl's body starts producing an increased level of fat, her boobs will eventually swell. Enjoy!
- The Butt: Another curvy place on girls is the butt, which uses fat as a padding for girls to sit on. Once your girl sits more, the fat she is collecting will eventually settle here, forming a large posterior. The butt is connected to the belly, so as the belly gets bigger the butt gets bigger. Combined, the belly, but, and hips form the waist, which his the biggest bane for fat girls.
- The Hips: In skinny girls, fat collects around these to form "girl hips," and fat also collects here. The hips stick sideways from a girls body, and extend further as more fat goes into them. The effect of the hips causes "pear shape" in girls, and fat hips and butts will cause your girl to require bigger places to sit.
Now your girl should be getting fat, and hopefully likes it. All is well until--whoops!--her clothes don't fit anymore. This usually makes your intentions clear, and can cause a girl to want to loose weight. Not to worry! If you have been paying attention, and followed the steps above about bigger clothes, the rest of this project is in the bag. If you are very observant, you can get your girl's exact clothes in a larger size and replace them with her old ones. Then, give her the temporary fat clothes once she is completely interested in getting fat. These are the clothes that are meant to be worn for a short time and get bigger in size over time.
There is more to making a fat girl than just stuffing her face. Besides an increase in food, you must make other changes in her lifestyle to make sure the fat stays there and doesn't become a problem. This is usually easier once your girl is addicted to food. Most of these changes can be made in the home (assuming your girl lifes with you or you have abducted her and holed up in your apartment).
Get a large couch, one that provides plenty of room for your girl's growing butt. Have the couch be the girl's downtime spot when you two are just hanging out. Beef up your entertainment center so you have an excuse, and perhaps install a refrigerator in the same room. Make sure the couch is within short walking distance to the bathroom and where the girl sleeps. Keep the room relatively cool, because this will keep foods like ice cream fresher and your girl will eventually have plenty of blubber to withstand any amount of cold temperature.
This is a key room to make right, because normal girls spend a lot of time in bathrooms, so your fat girl will spend even more time here. Reinforce the toilet, make it bigger, and able to hold more crap. Fat people account for 65% of all the crap in the plumbing system. The girl is going to be on the stall for a while, so give them a little rack that holds stuff to read, like the celebrity gossip magazines and tabloids. Also include a sandwich and a few cans of soda so the have something to munch while they are there.
Either have a shower with a big door, or have a large bathtub that is easy to get in and out of. If you are an incredible pervert, you could fill the tub with cheesecake or something and have your fat girl literally "bathe in food".
Usually found in the living room or the kitchen, the telephone is also another important invention for the modern day fat girl. Quickly assign the following speed dials:
- 1 Famous Dave's
- 2 Dominoes
- 3 Pizza Hut (get the picture? have several pizza joints on call when you max out on ordering your girl pizza)
- 4 Panda Express
- 5 McDonald's (I don't see why you couldn't call McDonald's ahead of time)
- 6 Krispy Kreme
- 7 Super Ultra Happy Panda Bamboo Garden Palace All-you-can-Eat China Super Buffet (be fair: give them an early warning)
- 8 Buffalo Wild Wings
- 9 Subway (I know what you are thinking, but they have freaking four-foot-long party platter subs)
- 911 Cold Stone Creamery: who cares about the cops and EMTs when you have a fat girl yelling for ice cream?
An important room in any house, so make this one even better. About 2-3 fridges should do it(excluding the one in the living room), as well as a full size freezer and walk-in meat locker. Automated stoves and microwaves also help, as they keep you from cooking all the time. Don't worry about plates; every cupboard should be jam-packed with junk food. Order beer and soda by the keg. Either have the kitchen easily accessible from the living room or install a strong stool and a TV so your girl has something to do. Or be smart and invest in food repelling carpet, so your girl can sit on the floor. This idea benefits from handlebars (you know, for getting up).
This really depends on how big your girl is or soon will be. At the lowest basics, make sure the passenger seat is as far back as it can go, and make sure the belt is long. It is important to realize how a fat girl's flab flows when they sit down. Keep the area around the passenger seat clear of radio dials, gearshifts, and other things which will dig into a fat hide. Have a fully functional A/C, as fat girls tend to get warm quickly. Keep all of the cup holders filled with beverages.
If your girl is super sized, it's time to look at a bigger vehicle. Vans or SUVs, especially those with fold down seats, can create large spaces for your fat girl to...er..."sit". If all else fails (or becomes too small), prop her up in the back of the pick-up and hope it doesn't rain.
Food is everywhere, and many establishments would love to serve food to your gal. If your girl is still mobile, which is the preferred method, take her out sometime. Booths and tables both pose problems for girls with huge stomachs, but booths are better because they have seats that won't collapse at random moments. Be forewarned that other people will be at restaurants, so only go if your girl's self-esteem is up for it. To help this, take a booth in a secluded corner. If you are at a buffet, and your girl gets tired, be chivalrous and get food for her. Don't worry about what you put on the plate, just load 'er up. Don't worry about the stares you are getting from the buffet staff (you did warn them ahead of time, didn't you?).
Are you freaking kidding me? Do you really think a girl seventy pounds overweight is going to be worried about sit-ups or climbing a stupid rope? Like it has been said before, by limiting mobility you keep the hard earned fat on the girl. Although, it's hard to always take care of a immobile girl, who will probably become grafted to the couch and die. Just use common sense; fat girls can walk too, just don't go having her run a marathon. If you can take her swimming, that's great. In fact, just bobbing up and down in the pool is the least active "sport" for a fat girl to participate in.
Keep up this cycle of stuffing your girl's face full, stretching her stomach, and waiting for the food to be turned into fat and you will be fine. Usually, fat girls have global midsections which is the most noticeable of their silhouettes. The belies are paired with a massive rear end, guarnteed to make any pair of pants rip if they bend over. Boobs are also humongous, and sit on top of the boulder belly and lure men in with their heavy cleavage (hopefully not to eat them).
Some like to experiment, and get fat girls with different kinds of body fat piles. Here are two common variations:
Some guys just want a girl that has all of her fat in her boobs, and pass off their fat girl to friends as a hot skinny. If this is your desire, emphasize the intake of fatty dairy products. Also, in a bizarre turn of events, actually have her participate in exercise, but nothing major. You just want the fat not to settle in the other common places, so plan "bouncy" activities, those promoting the boobs to jiggle, like volleyball, tennis, and light jogging.
Instead of the stereotypical "apple shaped" fat girl, some like the radical "pear shape" on a fat girl. This is easier to achieve than one may think. It helps if your target girl already had wider hips, but otherwise keep them sitting as much as you can. It's the basic concept of gravity: Fat will settle at the lowest point of the body, especially if that part is sat on. Just make sure to change their position every once in a while, so the butt and hips have time to grow and to keep the girl from being grafted to the chair.
From these basics, there are many ways you can customize a "Fat Girl Project". Give yourself a deadline, or try it on multiple girls at the same time. Can you make a fat girl with super powers? Or one that can eat anything? One with no issues with eating every living thing that is not you or herself in her sight? Or maybe make her into a foxy fat chick? Have fun and remember these guidelines, and your girl will be fat in no time.