Howard Stern
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Howard Stern is a successful shock jock who is the highest paid entertainer in show businuss. He may be ugly as sin but he has successfully married a super model Beth Ostrosky. Howard Stern has been accused of inventing immorallity but we all know that immorality was actually invented by Hugh Hefner. Howard Stern just ran with it. Howard has successfully offended every group of people and the FCC has fined him millions during his career.
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[edit] Early life
Howard Stern lived in an all black town of Roosevelt Long Island. His yenta mother forced him to live there while he got his ass kicked for being white. Howard Stern's father was known to berate a young Howard and the result of this trauma is now named The Howard Stern Show. Howard Stern's nose grew through out his teen years and is now after a nose job big enough to paint a mural on the side of.
[edit] Howard $tern'$ Fortune
Stern made an estimated $550,000,000,000,000,000 USD in 2008 by emptying out his drawers of his old gold and jewelry and gaudy crap and sending it to Cash4Gold. He called and requested a refiners return pack and was sent a check within 24 hours of receipt at their facility. Howard Stern now has almost as much money as God.
[edit] Career in radio
Howard Stern started his career as a field worker, picking up strawberries with his huge nose. He also worked as a correspondent on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. He would later have his own radio show called the The Howard Stern Show. Basically the show was more or less a rip-off of Jay Leno's show. Howard denied he ever took anything from Jay Leno or the very edgy Ryan Seacrest, though Howard did steal guitarist Kevin Eubanks from the Tonight Show and hired him as a news reporter.
Even with some edgy elements, such as "Howard Walking" where Howard goes out on the street and interviews people, for the most part the show is family-friendly with pointed discussions on the "attack on American family" with these Leftist views. Howard Stern has had mild success as a childrens' book writer, radio DJ, and board member of the FCC. He fights for childrens' rights despite the fact that he is engaged to marry his live-in two-year-old infant, BethO.
[edit] Current career
Howard Stern currently does a show from the moon. It is the same moon that Fake Governor Arnold Terminator was going to blow up, before Stern decided to purchase the moon for about $15 million (US). The show is called "Howard Stern Has Fucked His Fans Again 2008." Howard currently works 6 hours per Sirius Radio subscription year, resulting in many subscribers scratching their heads, but still listening to Masturbate Theater. So far, no one has mounted a revolution. They just sit there and watch their money trickle away into this asshole's coffers. Way to go, people! Sadly, by the time satellite radio has a large enough audience to be considered relevant in 10 years.
According to the American TV tabloid show Daily 10 (E! Channel) in July 2008, Stern was saddened to hear that his vacation buddies, late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel and actor-comedian Sarah Silverman, had just ended their relationship. He then suffered a nervous breakdown in his New York City penthouse. As Don Imus reported, "...[Stern] now walks around Central Park in a daze without his longhair wig, bald, crying, and looking like his 90-year-old daddy."
[edit] The Conspiracy
For many years, Stern fans have conspired to propagate the myths that Howard Stern invented radio, breathing, the concept of angles, the color orange, and Don Imus; that anyone finds Donald Trump fascinating; that rappers make for an insightful and thought-provoking interview; and that Robin Quivers is in any way remotely attractive (as displayed in numerous parody/tribute songs and phone calls) despite her obesity, her handicap of being born without any natural talent (failing her uncanny darts skills), her fifth nipple, and the fact that her voice (if heard at the right frequency) will shrivel a pair of testicles.
[edit] Richard Dawkins Incident
Richard Dawkins appeared as a Guest on the Howard Stern show on July 25, 2008. Dawkins removed Stern's pants and proceeded to masturbate him. Howard Stern then struck Dawkins in the face, knocking him unconscious. Dawkins was taken to a nearby hospital and is currently recuperating at his home in England.
[edit] Trivia
- Stern ran for President of the United States in 2000. He got three votes while he got the state of Alaska on his "no new strippers" platform.
- He had a restraining order against Terri Schiavo, calling her a "dangerous woman."
- His mother continuously checked his temperature using an anal thermometer/chocolate dildo from the age of 3 to 35, thus causing Howard's interracial fetish.
- Stern spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince Rosie O'Donnell to go on a diet, but was never able to. He considers this to be his greatest failure, aside of his marriage, or failing to shag Donald Trump.
- In 2012, Howard Stern will start his own Maharishi cult, only to have it and himself become ancient history after a scuffle with the ATF and FBI.
- Many famous characters are based on of Howard Stern, including: Toucan Sam, Gonzo, Arthur the Aardvark, Peppa Pig, Kelly Ripa, George W. Bush, Billy Graham, Mr. Rogers, Barney and Horton the Elephant.
- His actual height is 33 ft 7 in (0.62 m).
- Even though the majority of Howard's audience are males, age 12 to 54, he hates and often denounces fast food, video games, adult cartoons, and adolescents with wangs bigger than his own. This is a famous paradox, often meditated upon only by the highest and most enlightened order of Buddhist Monks — or drunken frat boys.
- An anagram of "Howard Stern" is "Trash Wonder".[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]
- Another anagram of 'Howard Stern' is 'Rwanda.'
- Howard's nose is at such a length, it can be use an effective tripod and a surveying tool.
- Widely considered to be the first known human to be engaged to a horse (BethO).
- Mutt, founder of the Stern Fan Network, has strong homo erotic feelings for both Howard and Ronnie The Limo Driver. Mutt has been seen on more than on occasion fingering his butthole in the hallway of Stern's studio whilst gazing lovingly upon a painting of Howard hanging on the wall. This is said to be why 100% of the members on Stern Fan Network are homosexuals.
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
- CNN Phone call made by the FCC to tarnish Stern's good name
- Another phone call
- Howard Stern A ton of prank calls.
- BestStern Board Home of the famous "The Prick"
