Howard the Duck (film)
“Trying to find a positive thing about Howard the duck is like trying to make Poop dance. Sure you can try, but you won’t enjoy it. It Stinks.”
|Writer||Oscar Wilde, Bob the Builder, George Lucas|
|Directors||Spike Milligan, George Lucas|
|Runtime||Eighty (80) minutes|
Howard the Duck is a 1986 crime-thriller directed and produced by Spike Milligan with a little help from George Lucas. The movie is a partial documentary about the real-life gangster Howard Pleck, alias Howard the Duck.
The movie opens in 1935, where Howard the Duck (Daffy Duck) is eluding police after holding up a jeweler’s store. As he goes through the jewels he stole, he accidentally runs into Clyde "Clyde" Clooney (Al Capone), the leader of the Ant Hill Mob. The two find that they have a lot in common, and start making out on the ground. As time goes on, Howard joins the Mob, where he discovers that they're running a so-called protection agency for racecar bombshell Penelope Pitstop (Paris Hilton) to steal from her. Howard likes the idea and starts wooing Pitstop as a distraction while the Mob begin stealing from her.
Eventually, Pitstop accidentally makes the Mob (and Howard) her heirs in gratitude for their "protection", and also takes them for a spin in her special racecar, the Compact Pussycat. This scene plays out as a montage, showing Howard plotting against his own allies. On a stormy night, Clyde finds one of the Mob members, Donny "Zippy" Adams (Donny Osmond), dead with his loot and valuables stolen. Clyde suspects fowl play and confronts Howard with a white feather found on Donny's body. Howard, whose pockets are filled with loot, says that Clyde is talking bullshit, and storms out.
Another killing occurs, this time it's Christopher "Softie" Westley, pecked to death by some unknown assailant. Clyde then learns that Howard has stolen Chug-a-Boom, and sets off after him, just in time to see him kill Pitstop, and get away in another car that only appears in this scene and thus doesn't really deserve a name. Enter Sgt. Patrick Mahoney (Donald Duck), who decides to give Clyde amnesty for his crimes if he helps him to hunt down Howard. Clyde agrees, and a nationwide search begins for Howard. They find him trying to catch a boat to Germany. After a violent shootout, in which Mahoney is wounded, Howard is taken alive leading with Denise (Meg Griffin) and Cream (Hayley Smith).
After a brief court scene that lasts only 60 seconds of the movie, Howard is found guilty of murder, robbery and jaywalking, and is sentenced to death by electric chair. Howard snidely responds: "You like your duck extra crispy, judge?" Howard is then led away, and a sign appears that tells the audience that Howard was killed in 1936, and his remains lie in Death Valley.
The reception is located on the ground-floor of the offices. Simply take the elevator and then immediately turn right. Thank you.
- The character of Penelope Pitstop had more in common with Your Mom than the real-life Penelope Pitstop.
- Donald Duck was originally offered the role of Howard the Duck, but he turned it down in favor of the police sergeant.
- Meg Griffin was mistakenly named as Cream (as a goof) made by Howard (Daffy Duck).
- George Lucas makes an uncredited cameo as one of the police officers.
- My fingers hurt from typing all of this shit up.
- The actual Compact Pussycat was loaned out by the estate of Penelope Pitstop for one day of shooting, hence why it only appears in one scene. Lucas suggested it to Milligan, who said "Why not? We've got 20 minutes of time left to kill in the movie, anyway"
- Knuckles the Echidna got the role of Charlie "Yak-Yak" Parson because Sonic the Hedgehog was unavailable.
- Jack Nicholson was originally going to play Sgt. Patrick Mahoney, but Donald Duck got the role.
- Nobody watches this movie anymore because gangsters are old-hat.
- Howard the Duck - The real-life gangster on which this movie is based
- Invasion of the Body Squeezers - Another movie by Spike Milligan which isn't really a thriller
- Musical Movie 2 - A comedy film that spoofs this movie
- Spike Milligan - The director and producer
- Spy Movie 2 - Another comedy film that spoofs this movie