Huddersfield
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 further diminishing what little credibility the media had left. You can read all about it here |
http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t218/design91/hud4.jpg Definition of Huddersfield: Cuckoo Land, The Greatest place in the world!
Huddersfield is the capital of and is the administrative centre of West Yorkshire. There has been a settlement at Huddersfield since the early Iron-Age. The famous landmark of "Castle Hill" was an Iron-Age fort, but never a castle. A castle like tower was built in 1899 to celebrate the death of Wham, the 80's pop sensation that wont leave you alone until you 'Go go'.
Huddersfield's most famous inhabitant is Jean Luc Picard who doesn't actually reside in Huddersfield, but is from the place for working class heroes known as Mirfield, which (yeah) is fairly near Huddersfield but not actually in it. Patrick Stewart is the current Chancellor of Huddersfield University; the famous slapheaded luvie, who is now too greedy to appear in any more Star Trek films, likes to see his face plastered all over the town.
More information on Jean luc can be found here http://huddersfield.ytmnd.com/
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Huddersfield Train Station During Elections for Chancellor. Stewart propaganda is shown on exterior of the building.
Loudspeakers played Stewart propaganda night and day, where he was begging to be taken seriously as a Shakesperian actor and academic. Stewart then went on to kill the Mayor of Leeds United football club STEFAN HARVEY a polish illegal immigrant
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[edit] Geography
The largest and greatest area of Huddersfield was Lindley until it was discovered that Lindley had been moved to Bradford in the back of a Ford Transit van.
The town of Huddersfield lies in the Colne Valley, where the surrounding
hills give an excellent view of the permanent yellow smog that hangs
over the town.
To the east lie the tourist attractions of the ICI complex, the
shopping complexes and Leeds Road, the main escape route out of
Huddersfield.
The approach to Huddersfield in all directions is lined by a selection of pound shops, netto, lidl, and derelict buildings. There is also a new Lidl store that offers a wide variety of biologically damaging foodstuffs imported from former states of the USSR.
[edit] Huddersfield University
Huddersfield Pretend-University, do me a favour! This half baked
educational establishment started out as a technical college in the
1930's. With much pleading and begging it was allowed to become a
Polytechnic.
Staffed mainly by piss-artists in the 1970's, one famous Frogturd
passed through its hallowed portals to follow in the famous footsteps
of.......... well, no one.
Working on the correct assumption, that no one in their right minds
would want to graduate from a Polytechnic, when so many Universities
were around, it became one itself a few years ago.
A local competition was held to choose a name for the new
pretend-university. One of the entries that came top of the list, and
was nearly chosen, was.....are you ready for this....
First University College of Kirklees.
At the last minute, the knob-heads realised.
A picture of Huddersfield University.
We used to have a local looney bin, Storthes Hall. Were not talking
small rural nut-house here. This place was huge, thousands of beds and
sprawling over many acres.
Well, it shut down a few years ago. All the loonies were dumped on the
streets (aka the "Care in the Community Programme", aka "Let's save a
few quid by crapping on people who nobody cares about").
Guess who bought up all the padded cells and electric shock therapy
machines? - yeah, that's right Huddersfield Pretend-University.They
wanted to convert it into a "Student Village". No need for any
adjustments to the site then.
The University is now busy churning out high quality graduates in Media Studies and
Humanities. Much like the Ford Motor Companymaking thousands of cars that no-one wants
to buy; in the off chance
sales might pick up. The graduates of Huddersfield University go into
long term storage at the local dole office (that's unemployment or
social security to non UK people)
The University is also famed for it's Student Union and their inability to organise an open mic night for people without mouths. Most terms offer gigs from bands banished from other University's two decades ago and also provides a last gig for the worst alternative rock bands before their record labels release no-one cares and drops them.
The Student Union had occupied several buildings over the years, moving regularly so they can enjoy an expensive downgrade. The current building is based on a popular local abattoir with a stage the size of a dog's arse. The Student Union enriches the local culture by refusing to admit anyone who isn't a student.
[edit] Huddersfield on the TV
Huddersfield has become a favourite location of trashy TV producers. Here are a few world-wide hits filmed in and around Huddersfield.
Filmed around Marsden. I used to live around there. Superb satirical series. If you haven't seen it, watch it.
[edit] Huddersfield Bus Station
This multi-purpose building in the Town centre is used as a bus station, public lavatory, emergency shelter for the homeless, walk in rape centre, rest area, cafeteria for those not too fussy about salmonella, drop-in centre for fuck-witted and cash dispenser for muggers.
[edit] Tourism and Industry
Huddersfield town centre on fire. A popular tourist attraction.
Huddersfield's main industry is students. With a cheerful predatory
smile, the locals welcome these young hopefuls from all over the
country, and from around the world (I kid you not, there really are
mountains of foreign students).
According to the hit single by DJ Q and MC Bonez, Huddersfields main industry is in the business of creating "bitches-and-Hoes". This basically means that every family is required to have children until one is attractive enough to become a slag, then apply for cheap dancing roles in bad music videos filmed outside the popular tourist attraction "Pets at Home".
A familiar sight to tourists. Huddersfield International Airport.
Not only does Huddersfield have a world-famous actor, but the tallest free standing structure in Europe, Emley Moor Transmitter, 1084 feet tall. This is 100 feet taller than
the Eiffel tower. So shove that up your arse France.
Huddersfield's one fingered salute to the French. Perhaps a more important note is that the Duke of Wellingtons regiment, who were (and still should be) prominant recruiters from the Huddersfield area, kicked napolians arse.
[edit] Kirklees Metropolitan Council
This is the final resting place for the displaced Storthes Hall
residents. Racked by an unnatural lust for traffic lights, this council
is erecting over 9000 sets every week.
The perpetual traffic jam on Leeds Road holds the world record. No
vehicle has successfully escaped Huddersfield for 187 consecutive days.
The council employ zombies (jobless students) to patroll the area around ainly top roundabout to ensure the mortal enemy, calderdale council, do not make it alive into kirklees controlled terratory.
[edit] Transport
Huddersfield is renowned for its excellent public transport.
A popular and well know sight in and around Huddersfield is the quadruple decker bus that ferry escaping visitors out of Huddersfield every year. Also another mode of transportation is the flat cap on wheels, though lesser known still a popular method of transportation.
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[edit] Law Enforcement
Huddersfield is policed by West Yorkshire police force which are one of the most Technologically advanced and highly trained forces in the country.
Each officer is equipped with the latest and greatest in crime fighting technology, including:
- Big Boots
- Frontal Lobotomy
- Large Stick
- Pile cream to treat the piles caused by sitting around on their fat arses all day.
By order of High-Lord-Chancellor Patrick Stuart, all police forces must carry a klingon weapon.
West Yorkshire's finest, and probably the most fuck-witted coppers in all of Christendom, were former residents of Storthes Hall, home of the terminally insane.
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(left)West Yorkshire Police
(1991) 769 cc Fiat Panda patrol car. and (right)1994 "Mark 5" Ford Transit 'chav van'
Notice the highlighted drivers side door to help the fat-arsed coppers get in the correct side for driving.. A newley appointed PCSO named tony has succesfully completed his first year on the beat. Unsurprising as this news may be but tony is actially a trol who spends his free time in the rising sun in golcar.[edit] Sport
Huddersfield Town Pigeon Racing Society tel. 555-666-777
Huddersfield Town Whippet Shagging Society tel. 555-4795-8821
Huddersfield Town Flat Cap Tossing Society tel. 555-4795-8822
Huddersfield Town Ferret Fiddling Society tel. 555-4795-8823
Apparently there is a football team in Huddersfield, but the less said about that the better.
[edit] Emley Moor Mast
Not only does Huddersfield have a world-famous actor, but the tallest free-standing structure in Europe, Emley Moor Transmitter, 1084 feet tall. This is 100 feet taller than the Eiffel tower. So shove that up your arse France.
Huddersfield's one fingered salute to the French.
Huddersfield In Bloom
Pandabody Lane Municipal Park, a riot of colour in high summer.
[edit] Intellectual Centre
The economic and intellectual centre of Huddersfield lies between Honley and New Mill. It is approximately 5.7 centimeters long and a light brown colour.
[edit] Education for commoners
One of the most notable and prestigious educational establishments of Huddersfield is Newsome High school, once a selective state school before being reformed in 1806 to serve the local inhabitance of a Ashenhurst and Lowerhouses as well as other notable Council estates within the Huddersfield area. Today Newsome high is an under funded state secondary school of which 26% of the student population are currently on police bail with a further 10% serving some sort of custodial sentence. GCSE Pass rate A to C is below 50% with students usually graduating to Huddersfield Technical college or HMP Wakefield. However Huddersfield does have the greatest college in the country, Greenhead where the many exceptionally intellectual Huddersfield people attend! You can read more about Newsome High School here > [1]
Here's a typical Huddersfield school. Note the security to protect the public from the pupils.
[edit] Sheepridge
There is only one thing to say about this scrotal sack of a place and that just so happens to be the exact same thing God said to Wales when they asked for sheep' "Here you are, now go fuck it".Sheepridge has the largest number of drive-by shootings in the world. An average of 15.6 a day. The average age of the common burglar in Deighton is 7. Deighton's only police officer, locally known as "BELL END", kicks the shit out of the juvenile miscreants and then takes them to their loutish drugged up parents and tells them the local pedo attacked them. This then leads to anyone in the area who innocently waits for their child by Deighton Primary School being stabbed and pissed on after being accused of touching kids. Any person to be simply passing Deighton will get shot if driving or if on foot you will get mauled by the top dog in Deighton known as "YAYO" the 12 month old Staffordshire Bull Terrier is well know for his random acts of scaring most people he meets purely due to his big head.
[edit] Famous People and Deighton
Patrick Stewart, aka "Captain Picard" aka "Pompous Twat" has never visited Deighton, though we are sure he would love to pop in for a cup of tea and a digestive.
