Hugh Grant

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Hugh Grant is a substantial sum of money that most students receive as an automatic right if they go to university, college or advanced Sunday school in a rich country such as Sweden or New Zealand. They are allowed to spend their Hugh Grant as they wish, providing that at least 12% of the loot goes on food and the remainder doesn’t get frittered on drugs, porn or prostitutes.

Students at this university all get a Hugh Grant to keep them fed, clothed and sexually active

Helps them learn[edit]

A Hugh Grant – intended to assist with living expenses – usually helps a dedicated student learn the facts they have to learn, write the theses and dissertations they have to write, and get off with the teachers, technicians and janitors they have to get off with. That, in turn, helps the country compete with other nations and makes the world go round. It was ever thus.

This lovely student said “thank you” for her Hugh Grant, so she was allowed to keep it. Then she blew it on underwear!

Divine option[edit]

Particularly Hugh Grants are given to students reading subjects of a religious nature, such as Moses or creationism. In Britain these Hugh Grants are delivered mostly in £10 notes, which are brown, and so a Hugh Grant of this kind is often known colloquially as a Divine Brown.

Where it comes from[edit]

Rich governments put aside some of the taxes donated by their loyal subjects – be they nurses, teachers, pimps or sewage workers – and then dishes out the cash to deserving students in down-at-heel hand-me downs. The shabby students either say “thank you” or the money is snatched back again. It’s one way of teaching politeness.

People who disagree[edit]

Right-wing fools and narcissistic breadheads like Jeremy Clarkson and Simon Cowell will always disagree with the idea of Hugh Grants going to people such as students. That’s because they were never academic themselves and had to work themselves up from jobs in the sewers or public lavatories, and they even think “academia” is a type of edible nut. Just don’t listen to them.

It’s academic[edit]

Sometimes a Hugh Grant consists of 6 British pounds a week. Sometimes it’s 140 dollars a month. Other Hugh Grants are 23 euros (in Belgium), 45 zaire (in Zaire) or 56.8 feshtulgrübers (in Outer Monglossolalia). You just have to put up with what you’ve got and shut up.

It’s not for actors, though[edit]

Because acting is a completely pointless job, you can’t get a Hugh Grant to study anything remotely thespian. Not even dressing up or charades. Grow up, stop spongeing and do something decent for your country so your parents can be proud of you, asswipe!

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